2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Often a number of negative associations arise with the word "Aggression".
But is it really bad? Is it possible to live without aggression?
"AGGRESSION," - tell me, what associations with this word come to you? “Evil, fear, violence, war. …. " or “Life, passion, love. …. "? Unfortunately, in our society with the word "aggression", people often associate associations with a negative connotation (tinge).
But let's see if the devil is as bad as he is painted?
DEFINITION OF AGGRESSION
I like the way Gestalt therapy looks at aggression:
Aggression – some energy to satisfy a need (and not energy in order to destroy something / someone).
Imagine you have a need. How to get it without energy and movement towards it? No way. And here it is, aggression, is given to a person TOGETHER WITH A NEED. And you must admit that the energy to achieve what you want doesn't sound so scary anymore, does it? And this is aggression! At least that's how I see her.
In the future, on the basis of aggression, we can form our feelings and meet with them:
- confusion, when there is already an impulse in the body (the need is being formed), but the clarity of what you want is not yet there;
- anger, disgust, if the realization of the need is perverted (too much / too little, wrong or wrong);
- pride, joy, satisfaction when the goal is achieved;
- sadness, pain, sadness, disappointment, when the value is not realized or lost;
etc.
BIOLOGY
Man is a biosocial animal.
Moreover, it is a predatory biosocial animal. And it is normal that any animal uses its aggression to acquire food and defend its territory and loved ones.
Even herbivores, think, eat something alive. Is it aggressive? Yes, aggressively - they destroy something in order to live on their own. And a predatory animal attacks others - the same aggression only with a different object (goal), but it is dictated by nature (the natural need of the body), and not by anger or hatred.
Look at the children - they are very aggressive!They cry when they lack something or feel bad somewhere, take away toys, frankly do not want to communicate with some children and people, but run to others who they like. The task of a good enough parent is not to lock the child's aggression and make him “comfortable”, but to teach him the realization of aggression and self-regulation without harming others and himself.
This is biology. We are still animals, and aggression is inherent in each of us.
The second big and important question is: who treats her and how?
FORMS OF AGGRESSION
Since we are not just “bio”, but also “socio”, the FORMS of our aggression have changed.
We do not hunt for food, but in a good case we contribute to society, in a bad case - to an unclean company (for example, by divorcing people for money) and / or personal gain.
* Problems, by the way, are not only for the victims of divorce. Divorces, if they are emotionally healthy enough, also reap the benefits in the form of difficulties with emotional closeness and trust, paranoia (they are afraid of persecution of those who are divorced and / or their leaders), as well as in the form of transactions with conscience, often leading to psychosomatics and / or psychological symptoms (I know an example of the development of a depressive state in a girl who has successfully worked for such a company for a year). This, by the way, is an example of the consequence of the implementation of aggression in an unhealthy way.
We are less likely to hit in the face, the alternative is verbal battles. Less often we attack a neighbor's dwelling, but we plow in to create and / or improve our own. We do not compete with theft or murder, but by improving our skills. Etc.
And that's great. This allows us to coexist relatively safely in society, even improving the overall quality of life.
WHAT IS OR NOT TO BE WITHOUT AGGRESSION?
Imagine a lion decides to give up his aggressiveness. Or a deer being hunted would accept the fate and not run away. What will happen to them? They will die 100%.
It is the same with a person who refuses his aggression: he also dies.
But we are, however, more skillful, and we can live (survive) physically, but die mentally and physically.
If a person does not find a healthy outlet for his natural aggressiveness, then it costs him ill health (psychosomatics, painful relationships, etc.). If the kettle is not allowed to release steam, it explodes (in a person, either outwardly by spreading others or inwardly psychosomatically).
QUESTION: WHY IS THERE A BANON OF AGGRESSION?
I see it mainly in society and history. By locking in people's aggression, they are easier to manage. It seems to me:
If you control a person's aggression, then you control a person.
In part, again, it is true that you should be able to manage your aggression, otherwise society could not exist (with loyalty to murders, thefts, etc.). Those. restrictions are important. But when the restrictions go too far, they begin to harm.
Yes, laws protecting some from harm of others are important. But religious and family laws often isolate a person from his natural mental life.(which is characterized by aggressiveness for its regulation) - and this lays a serious imprint on the quality of human life.
If the laws of society deprive a person of the opportunity to irresponsibly commit outright harm to others, then the laws of religion and the family are "implemented" completely into a person's life and the way it is built, they try to control and regulate his existence as a whole!
CONCLUSION
What conclusion can we draw? Aggression is inherent and inherent in every person (this is biology).
The form of aggression, one might say, depends on whether its expression is "good" or "evil."
Therefore, acquiring the skill of qualitatively formalizing one's aggressiveness is a big task for every person (initially - a parent, but if not lucky - then falls on the shoulders of an adult without good self-regulation skills).
The “ideal” form of expression of aggression is the achievement of one's goal without harming others and oneself; in case of failure, a meeting with this fiasco with the help of arising feelings. And aggression is also important for REGULATING your own behavior and your relationships with others.
In healthy forms, aggressiveness is directed towards the "Win-Win" position (everyone wins)
In the next article I want to tell you about “kind” people who lock up their aggression - the consequences for themselves and the people around them.
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