Song About Me

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Everyone lies! Said Dr. House, my favorite movie character. This is a phrase for the ages for all psychologists in the world. People come to us, pay a lot of money, and … invent a variety of stories and legends in order to somehow protect themselves. From myself and the truth about myself …

When working with a group, one of the most pressing and important topics is feedback. How not to hurt a person in the presence of others? And at the same time, make it clear that, despite what he says and how he behaves, you feel and know what is going on inside him?

Thanks to my good musical education, I got the idea to give feedback to each member of the group through songs / melodies. I think, or rather, I am sure that music allows you to have a conversation with the unconscious, if you like, with the soul of a person, bypassing the control and resistance of the brain.

We all want people to hear complex music sounding in our hearts - jazz, classical symphony, polyphonic polyphony … But more often, drowning it out, we “broadcast” banal pop or simple chanson.

I practice this method throughout my work with the group. At first, unobtrusively, I suggest that you listen to a separate song for each participant and ask him to say what he thinks about the sounding melody / words. Others are actively commenting. Collective thinking brings amazing surprises. The acuity of perception, the depth of the interpretation of images by the group members are striking. And most importantly, the wisdom and kindness of people. As a rule, if I get to the point, the person for whom the song was sounded is more surprised and silent. Others are talking about him, for the first time moving away from the "social contract" ("I tell you what you want to hear, so that you do the same for me").

After a while, when we trust each other more, I try to let the group listen to other music. That, complex, with jazz or polyphony.

And at the end of the class I give them a new melody that sounds already in my soul. It is about what each of them taught me, about the energy that was born and lives in me, thanks to our joint work.

Today is the first stage. I need to tell the members of the group that, through all the goals and objectives they have set for themselves, filtered out by the brain, I hear their ethereal song. I need to gently and carefully convey certain meanings to each of them.

One participant must say:

“I see and feel how you are offended by your mother, how it hurts, how these wounds ache, not allowing you to breathe and feel your own motherhood more fully. But it is precisely because of this old grudge that you cannot give your three children what you promised. But you promised to be a wonderful mother …"

To another participant:

“Let yourself be spontaneous, show yourself. Do not put more barriers in front of yourself than there really are. Do not resist your desires, live life to the fullest!"

I want to convey to one more participant:

“You want what you don’t know how to do. For you, “loving” someone means demanding and pressing. This is not love, but a claim …"

And so to all ten members of the group …

But the most difficult thing is with this participant. I need to tell him that I have to live. To live in spite of disappointments, possible incomprehension, lack of clarity and perspectives, underestimation and a desire to shut themselves off from everyone and lose him …

He is a man of a creative profession, excellently versed in psychology. Almost at the first lesson, he appropriated the role of a comedian. When we were playing "self-presentation", he portrayed "the head of the kindergarten." Had a tremendous success! He improvised brilliantly, literally in ten minutes he became the soul of the company. And at the same time he kept looking at me, sly and provocatively: will I notice that he wants to take my place and thinks that my task is to deceive people, giving them the illusion of fulfilling their desires, guessing them absolutely accurately? Will I notice that the whole world is a kindergarten for him?

He promises everything these "children" want, but he himself is deeply disappointed and does not know where to go next. Feels unfulfilled, afraid that he will not have time to show the world his originality, to show his talent. And most importantly, he does not feel that the world is noticing his uniqueness. Now he had only to drive me to the same "kindergarten", and himself to play the leader of the group, finally burying for himself the hope of getting professional help.

For him, I chose the song of the group "Aquarium" "Northern Color" ("Voronikha on the Porch"), performed by Boris Grebenshchikov.

The band listened to this song in uneasy silence. It is complex, there are so many images … Someone tried to joke:

- Listen, this is how much you need to drink, sniff and smoke, so that such music sounded inside!

The joke did not go away. He was silent.

- Voronikha on the porch, - said one of the participants. - And there is a beast in the house, and an angel is sleeping. It's far from dawn. It must be scary …

- What about the door? - said the other girl - Should it be unlocked? But it is not clear where she is.

Silence.

- Tell me, here is the list of ships about which he sings …

And that no one will read it …

How sad is that?

Is it our dreams to build these ships?

And not only will they not float, no one will even read their names!

Because they are locked behind a door that does not exist.

- Yes-ah, business, brother. It's about tenderness … What does “wedding land” mean?

- Listen, do you know what will happen in the end? Why are you rushing to … the earth? What's ahead of time yourself …

- There is a key. The way out is not only death …

- Well, please, don't be so sad! - exclaims one of his "fans". - We are used to you constantly laughing, laughing! Nana Romanovna, what have you done with him? You are angry and vindictive! He insultingly mocked you. Why are you doing this? He will not come again …

He was silent. He stared at one point and was silent.

On that day, after the group dispersed, I did not immediately get home. They had to bring the sofa to my office. If you ordered furniture from "Ikea", then you know how they are with the delivery time … I understood that just at that time he would call me on my home phone. Because I got to the point and made him understand: either - or. Either he stays with us, takes off the jester's mask, agrees with me that we must live, look for the key, accept the tenderness of death, but not rush it, or … I'll say goodbye to him. I will not let the group fall apart. Otherwise, playing his games, albeit very subtle and interesting, I will deceive nine people who have come for help …

I got home very late that day. I was told that someone called several times, did not leave a message.

I didn’t call back - it’s too late. I got a call the next day.

- What have you done to me! What for? It hurts! You get it, right? Fucking demiurge! I lost control yesterday. Didn't understand anything, probably looked stupid? I usually drink to relieve tension. And then my wife even offered - but I refused. Check it out!

Okay, I'll be serious. Do you think it makes sense? This is this? Make a list of ships all the time? And all the time looking for a door that does not exist? Voronikha is outside!

I'll bring you Fellini's Eight and a Half. Nothing, watch it again. I am your client, you owe it. I reviewed twice yesterday. It's about the same! And yes, damn you, I won't be the head of the kindergarten anymore! Well, perhaps on holidays to annoy you! Well yes, yes, yes! This is your group, not my strawberry meadow! Yes, I understand, I understand! Damn psychologists, what are you doing to people! I’ll come, I’ll come. Horror!! To conduct classes on Saturdays, while normal people sit in front of the TV in a leaky dressing gown, with legs in a basin and in curlers on their heads. Why? I have something to string on them. Not bald, have mercy, my dear! Is it so possible? I am not such a monster as you, I am kindness and mercy itself! Ha ha! We are like two angels, I am white, you already understood about yourself. Can I really be cured? Remember, "either I am taking her to the registry office, or she is taking me to the prosecutor." Got that I'm kidding? Exquisite, huh? Okay to you! Not clumsy, you just can't appreciate it. What a pity that you have strained with a sense of humor. No, don't go, please! Talk to me, I'm scared … Will it pass? Will you help me? Be there, I ask, help!

Illustrations: Portraits from the series “People who inspire me” by the artist under the creative pseudonym Metamephisto