About Gullible And Sad Eyes

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Video: About Gullible And Sad Eyes

Video: About Gullible And Sad Eyes
Video: sadeyes - about you (ft. powfu) [lyrics] 2024, March
About Gullible And Sad Eyes
About Gullible And Sad Eyes
Anonim

Have you noticed how often our childhood desires, unmet needs determine or influence our behavior already in adulthood?

A consultation is in progress

An adult woman is sitting opposite me who wants to take a foster child into the family. She saw the boy when she was looking through the children's profiles, she was touched by his sad, trusting eyes, which scream about loneliness. She almost forgot that she has two still rather immature children of hers, 6 and 4 years old, who need the attention and care of their mother, there is no husband's support, they are divorced, parents condemn her decision to have an adopted child in the family. and are not ready to help her, but despite all these difficulties, she wants to take this boy into the family by all means.

I am writing not at all about the boy, who, of course, is not sweet without a family, but about her - this adult woman who is now making this decision.

She cries, thinking about her decision to take the child into the family, it hurts when she gives herself the opportunity to feel the feelings that this child is going through.

But how does she know about these feelings, where does this pain actually come from?

Who was it that really experienced loneliness, was sad, needed support and care?

Parents are respected doctors who are in great demand and who are not at home all the time, their girl is left alone, she learns to take care of herself, she waits for her parents to return and rejoices in those minutes when they manage to be together, she is sad and crying when they are not around … That was then.

A child cannot be with these feelings for a long time, it is too painful to endure them, you have to be a good girl, like your ideal parents, they save everyone, they never cry, you have to try, and the girl hides her feelings deep inside. Feelings stuffed into a bag, tied it tightly, tied a load and lowered it to the bottom of the soul, and it didn't seem to hurt, there were simply no feelings.

Together with sadness and pain, the joy from life, from what is happening around, has gone.

The girl grows up, she tries to be perfect, like her parents, a husband, children, work appears. Only in all this mess it is not always clear what she chose, what was done in this life of her own free will, because it brings her joy and pleasure, and not because it is necessary, because this is how she becomes completely "ideal" …

Sitting here, in consultation with a psychologist, she decides to pick up this bag from the bottom of her soul, untie it a little and feel those experiences of a little girl, it hurts … She still can't believe that these are just her feelings, because she has never seen this boy, nothing does not know about him, does not even know his situation, where he is now (perhaps he is already in the family) - it hurts again …

It is strange, but along with the pain other feelings return, feelings for their own children, worries about their own life: How can she, an adult, take care of that little one who is still waiting for support and attention?

We are looking for, we feel … And let the desire to take an adopted child become not at all so acute, rather it passed like a wave after a storm, and perhaps after a while it will arise again, but then this adult woman will be able to give warmth and protection to the adopted baby, that protection and warmth, which she will first learn to give to herself, to herself - to that little girl with trusting and sad eyes.

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