2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Have you noticed how often our childhood desires, unmet needs determine or influence our behavior already in adulthood?
A consultation is in progress
An adult woman is sitting opposite me who wants to take a foster child into the family. She saw the boy when she was looking through the children's profiles, she was touched by his sad, trusting eyes, which scream about loneliness. She almost forgot that she has two still rather immature children of hers, 6 and 4 years old, who need the attention and care of their mother, there is no husband's support, they are divorced, parents condemn her decision to have an adopted child in the family. and are not ready to help her, but despite all these difficulties, she wants to take this boy into the family by all means.
I am writing not at all about the boy, who, of course, is not sweet without a family, but about her - this adult woman who is now making this decision.
She cries, thinking about her decision to take the child into the family, it hurts when she gives herself the opportunity to feel the feelings that this child is going through.
But how does she know about these feelings, where does this pain actually come from?
Who was it that really experienced loneliness, was sad, needed support and care?
Parents are respected doctors who are in great demand and who are not at home all the time, their girl is left alone, she learns to take care of herself, she waits for her parents to return and rejoices in those minutes when they manage to be together, she is sad and crying when they are not around … That was then.
A child cannot be with these feelings for a long time, it is too painful to endure them, you have to be a good girl, like your ideal parents, they save everyone, they never cry, you have to try, and the girl hides her feelings deep inside. Feelings stuffed into a bag, tied it tightly, tied a load and lowered it to the bottom of the soul, and it didn't seem to hurt, there were simply no feelings.
Together with sadness and pain, the joy from life, from what is happening around, has gone.
The girl grows up, she tries to be perfect, like her parents, a husband, children, work appears. Only in all this mess it is not always clear what she chose, what was done in this life of her own free will, because it brings her joy and pleasure, and not because it is necessary, because this is how she becomes completely "ideal" …
Sitting here, in consultation with a psychologist, she decides to pick up this bag from the bottom of her soul, untie it a little and feel those experiences of a little girl, it hurts … She still can't believe that these are just her feelings, because she has never seen this boy, nothing does not know about him, does not even know his situation, where he is now (perhaps he is already in the family) - it hurts again …
It is strange, but along with the pain other feelings return, feelings for their own children, worries about their own life: How can she, an adult, take care of that little one who is still waiting for support and attention?
We are looking for, we feel … And let the desire to take an adopted child become not at all so acute, rather it passed like a wave after a storm, and perhaps after a while it will arise again, but then this adult woman will be able to give warmth and protection to the adopted baby, that protection and warmth, which she will first learn to give to herself, to herself - to that little girl with trusting and sad eyes.
Recommended:
The Psychopath: Through The Eyes Of The Victim
It all starts out beautifully. Extraordinary words, gifts, compliments … He is looking for different ways to surprise you and please you, despite the lack of funds or their availability. If you have not had a relationship with men before, you are in an incomprehensible state after a recently ended relationship, or are generally married, he will find a way to attract your attention and make it so that already you will need this relationship more than he does.
You Are Cheating On Me? On Adultery Through The Eyes Of Psychoanalysis
Author: Kanskaya Ksenia One of the most common requests in therapy lately is for help in coping with a situation of cheating and jealousy. So. I'll start with a trivial question. Why do people get married? French psychoanalysts, during their internship in Paris, answered this question very succinctly and clearly:
What Are You Looking Into My Eyes - There You Will Not Find Fear I Believe In The Lord God And In Myself
I'll write it down and continue, no, I will never quit Otherwise it's worthless to squeeze a notebook every night I'll write it down and continue, no, I will never quit I ask every day and, I see, was heard From the song "I'll write it down and that's it"
No Need To Be Sad Or What Does It Hurt Not To Feel Sad
Sadness is one of the basic human emotions. It has many useful functions. Through this emotion, you can let go of what cannot be changed. Sadness liberates and allows you to embrace the past. Why then is it so difficult for a person to face their sadness?
Female Loneliness: Myth And Reality Or A Sad Song About Statistics
"The girls are standing, standing on the sidelines, pulling handkerchiefs in their hands." Under these hopeless words, more than one generation of Soviet and post-Soviet women has grown up. And many more will have to be hopelessly poisoned with tearful, soothing words: