2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
According to surveys (in countries with a European type of culture), men, before they create a marriage at the age of 30, on average, can have up to ten sexual partners and / or attempts to create serious love relationships. Girls, before marriage under the age of 30, on average, can have up to five sexual partners and / or attempts to create a serious love relationship. If we are talking about creating relationships with adults aged 30-40 years and older, then the number of their partners in previous love or intimate relationships can already reach more than a dozen, or even several dozen. How to relate to this reality of the modern world, each person independently decides for himself, based on his culture, religion and worldview. However, as a practicing psychologist, I cannot help but notice that, hence, from year to year, the load on the psyche of people is logically increasing, associated with factors of jealousy and distrust of a partner in family relations.
The fact is that in addition to the tendency for the average number of past sexual partners to increase over the past thirty years, there is another tendency: they still do not disappear from the reality of already real life! Especially from the virtual one! Indeed, earlier, after the termination of communication, due to the general mobility of people (change of place of work and residence) and a change in the circle of communication, all ties between former partners in relationships (and even marriages) completely ceased. From the word "absolutely". And therefore, new partners (or husbands / wives), firstly, might not know how many “exes” their loved one had; secondly, even knowing about them numerically and by name, they did not feel their presence in reality, did not contact them, did not observe their activity in relation to their couple.
Social networks and smartphones, overnight, not only made the distant - close, but also the past - the present. Due to the ease of communication with those people who are geographically far from us:
- Some people begin with interest just to follow the personal life of their "ex", often without even having a direct goal to resume personal communication and / or meetings. Including leaving virtual "traces" of their activity;
- Other people begin to openly communicate with their “ex”, entering into correspondence and immersing themselves in memories and thoughts on the topic “what would happen if”;
- Third “exes”, out of envy, resentment or love, begin to write to those partners (husbands / wives) who are currently next to their once loved ones. Write either personally from yourself, or from fake pages on social networks or "left" phone numbers. Having the desire or to hurt those people who replaced them next to the ex, or hurt the "ex / her", or even create conditions to destroy the existing couple and try again the relationship, once again making his way to the body of such an unforgettable person. Or not so much to the body as to the wealth achieved by him / her or high social status. Acting according to the logic of Mironov in the comedy "The Diamond Arm", addressed to Nikulin: "I should be in your place !!!"
This leads to very sad consequences. Some husbands / wives, suddenly, with horror, find out that their partner continues to think about their former partners. Others, resentfully, that their partner is looking for meetings or even already dating "ex / s". Still others, offensively, find out that the existing partner did not tell too much about his past personal life, hiding many piquant moments and all sorts of relationships.
Taken together, all this just leads to outbursts of jealousy and mistrust. After all, you must admit, it is quite difficult to trust someone who, it turns out, either had too many other partners, or hid them too well, or is still in touch with them. After all, it has long been known:
From virtual to sexual intercourse - just one message or call
Or even like this:
To have your old kitty next to you
- just click
Therefore, as a practical psychologist, I give five tips:
1. For those who build relationships with a partner who already has a lot of previous relationship experience, I advise you to immediately develop immunity to receive additional information about his / her other past relationships. Also to the fact that a loved one follows the life of their “ex”, or they themselves somehow remind of themselves. And not to react to it in a violent negative way, as this will only play into the hands of these "former" ones. And not to consider the presence of a large number of past relationships as a guaranteed reason that you will be cheated on in the present, because there is no direct connection. On the contrary: hysterical pressure on a partner because of his past life can just destroy the present.
2. Those men and women who had a great previous experience of relationships, but value the existing marriage, or find the courage to tell about all the "former", or not in any way interested in their life in the present (all the more, without trying to communicate with them)! After all, the "virtual footprint" left by you in the form of a like, a comment, etc., can provoke such a response activity for which you may not be ready at all! As the saying goes, "do not wake up smartly while it is quiet!".
3. For those men and women who had a lot of previous experience of relationships, but value their existing marriage, in the event that “exes” (virtually or real) come out to them, not only block them, but also promptly and honestly report the very fact of attempts of these contacts its available "half". Otherwise, hiding this can just cause a lot of mistrust in the relationship, if the "ex", annoyed by the refusal to communicate, decides to take revenge and begins to compromise his former partner with letters to his / her current "half", which will talk about the allegedly available now contacts.
4. All men and women who have relationships should be mentally prepared for various kinds of provocations, which can occur both from their own “exes” and from the “exes” of their “other half”. Or even to provocations from completely different outsiders who, for some reason, want to hurt them, posing as their “former” partner and entering into correspondence via social networks or instant messengers.
5. In the event that a difficult situation arises in your completely loving and strong couple, due to the fact that one of the “exes” (yours or your partner) began to persistently invade your life, enter the “open smartphone” mode (or “two-handed smartphone ). When in a pair passwords are removed from mobile phones and any of the partners can always read the messages that come to his pair. Because it is precisely such a scheme that can completely neutralize the energy of jealousy and distrust.
As the practice of my work shows, these simple tips can already significantly reduce the risks of conflicts and scandals in your couple in the conditions of modern online reality. And you will not only competently neutralize a blow from the past, but you can even prevent it. Which is what I sincerely wish you.
If you need a personal (Moscow) or online consultation, make an appointment by phone +79266335200.
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