How Not To Overeat In A Relationship?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How not to overeat in a relationship?

I am often asked the question: How not to be oversaturated with communication, relationships? How to stop in time, without reaching the stage of irritation with a loved one? For me, this question sounds like this: “How to regain sensitivity to yourself? There was a desire to speculate on this topic.

For me, this is a question about the impossibility of "stopping", about the impossibility of assimilating into yourself what you receive from the outside. The easiest way to explain this breakdown mechanism is in a food metaphor.

Imagine the following situation: a person eats, eats, eats and cannot stop. Saturation as a subjective sensation does not occur. Other, secondary signs of satiety appear - a full stomach, heaviness in the stomach, drowsiness … The only thing that does not arise is aversion to food. Something in the process of satisfying a nutritional need broke.

How does this come about?

Typical situation: you are feeding a baby. In the beginning, he is very involved in the process. As you are satiated, you notice that the pause between the next spoon becomes more and more, then he begins to be distracted by other stimuli and, finally, turns away, does not open his mouth, letting you know - that's it, I'm full!

This is how the “unbroken” mechanism for satisfying a need works. The child's aversion to food is triggered and a feeling of satiety arises.

Now, remember how most parents act in this situation?

"Another spoon … For mom, for dad!", and a whole series of manipulative techniques that kill the natural process of disgust. Parents know better what, how and how much their baby wants.

So in the natural physiological process of satisfying the need, regulated by "I want / do not want", the social interferes - "It is necessary!". That's it, the social skill has been formed! The individual is ignored, pushed aside. The social is coming to the fore. The child betrays himself and his “I don’t want” in favor of the Other and “It is necessary!”. The disgust is "killed", the saturation state is no longer identified.

Then a similar situation arises in adult relationships with other needs - social. For example, a person cannot say "Stop" to another, endures his presence, not noticing that he is already fed up with it. He comes to his senses only when he begins to get irritated, angry, to the sincere surprise of another. The saturation point is missed once again. Both partners leave contact with unpleasant feelings.

What to do about it?

It is important to know that here we are dealing with a skill, i.e. with an automatic, stereotyped action, not controlled by consciousness. Therefore, the first thing to do is to return consciousness to automatism. This action itself can sometimes destroy a skill: remember the story of the centipede! It is very important to regain your sensitivity, awareness of your "Want" and the return of the ability to experience disgust. This is possible through asking yourself reflexive questions: What is wrong with me now? What I feel? What do I want - do not want? Do I want, or do I need?

Love yourself!