How To Attract A Man Into Your Life And Not Lose Him?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This question torments so many women who would like to be in a relationship, have a full-fledged family, but for some reason either do not meet a worthy man at all or meet, but … a man, for some reason, does not stay in a relationship for a long time. And now a desperate one is born: “Men only want sex”, “Everyone is already normal married” or “Something is wrong with me” or - worst of all - “Well, at least something than nothing at all”.

So why are there so many single women? Let's take a look at this issue. The explanation - "There are four times fewer men than women" - does not fit. Let's take a look at the birds. What does a bird do when it wants to attract a male? She sings the "correct" bird songs, she flies over the field, hoping to meet her bird, and does not sit in a hole and weep why there are so few males around. Where did you see a bird sitting on a tree and crying: "All the males do not notice me, nobody likes me." In nature, everything is arranged in such a way that each of us has our own half. And the bird, and the beast and the man. You can't argue with the Bible: "Each creature has a pair." So why is it so hard to date your soul mate?

Strange things are happening in my psychologist's office.

Morning:

Three clients in a row, come one after another, crying: "Where and how to meet a man, the same one?" All beauties and clever girls. Kind, talented, successful.

Evening:

Three clients in a row, one after another, come to me, all men in their prime, single: “Where and how to meet her, the one? No one has been seen on the horizon for a long time."

My thoughts: “Do you live in parallel realities? How do you do it, that you are so wonderful, beautiful, smart, successful, talented, taken separately, that you don't meet anywhere and anywhere?"

It turns out that men are also looking. And they are looking for a woman not for fun, but to create a family. And there are a lot of them. But what do both men and women do that prevents them from meeting their soul mate?

There are 4 reasons that prevent you from meeting your soul mate and being in a couple:

1. Fear of intimacy. And I want to be in a pair, but it's scary, but suddenly I will dissolve in him (in her). What if he (she) will force me to do what I do not want and I will not be able to defend myself. This is the opinion of all children whose personal boundaries were broken in childhood by their parents: ignorance of feelings, intrusion, emotional and physical abuse.
2. Fear of loss. He'll leave me anyway. You shouldn't even start, as it will be painful to leave later. All children who were once abandoned by their parents think so. Emotional contact with the mother was unsafely interrupted or not developed at all during childhood.
3. Guilt. Or fear of responsibility. And what if I later owe a lot to my partner for his help and kindness. No, it's better not to start accepting love. There is nothing to pay for it later. This is the opinion of all children who were used by their parents and who had to deserve love as a child. This is the opinion of those children who were reproached, accused and manipulated on the basis of a sense of guilt.
4. Feelings of shame. He (a) will stop loving me anyway, because he will understand that I am not the one (from) who I pretend to be, I am an impostor (nets). Failure is inevitable and he (she) will definitely be disappointed in me. Better not to start. This is the opinion of all children who were shamed by their parents, compared with others, humiliated, devalued, criticized and raised high expectations.

Of course, these feelings that you did not experience as a child that traumatized you in your relationship with your parents are projected onto your relationship. And even if you take the risk and enter into a relationship with someone, then you will find confirmation of these 4 points and say: "I knew it (l), I thought so (l)."These are self-fulfilling predictions that, like a flywheel of trauma, swing your life scenario in the direction that you least want in your life. But the unconscious is always stronger than the conscious. But exactly until the moment when you entered into battle with your unconscious and embarked on the path of expanding awareness.

Therefore, the first thing that is important to do in order to attract a partner into your life and still not just attract, but also stay in a relationship with him, it is important to become conscious, to work on your childhood trauma, because, whether you like it or not, it is the same weighty factor that destroys all our dreams of happiness together. Because as long as your trauma takes possession of your unconscious, you simply will not react, you will not notice that partner with whom a harmonious family or partner life is possible. You will simply be in parallel dimensions with such. And you will turn on and get carried away by those who will hurt you as much as your parents, or you will find someone to whom you yourself will begin to inflict the same pain that your parents once caused you. Because in childhood trauma, a volcano of energy and this trauma energy attracts you to each other so that you can again look that very pain in your eyes and become aware of it, master your unconscious. For example, if your parents were cold with you, you will either be cold yourself, or you will fall in love with cold, ignoring and rejecting partners.

What does it mean to become aware? Change your reaction to what you interpret as pain, resentment, shame, fear. Fate will hit the same corner of your life gate many times so that you finally "take" this ball and cope with your injury.

For example. He hasn't called you again for a day. And you think: “Well, that's it, and he is the same as everyone else, he stopped loving.” And from this reaction you begin to perform destructive actions. For example, call him 10 times a minute with questions and complaints, or bury yourself in your blanket and cry and he will never be able to get you out from under your blanket of resentments and fears. And all this leads to confirmation: "he is like everyone else." I suggest that at the moment when you feel pain from his actions, do not rush to interpret his actions, as you are used to, but give at least three more different from the usual explanations to yourself why he does exactly that.

What you need to do is break out of the circle of your trauma in order to meet and stay together with each other.

But in order to develop together and work on relationships, you first need to meet him.

What do men pay attention to when choosing a woman? This was told to me by the clients of the man. I quote them:

3 qualities that men are attracted to

1. Yes, it is important that a woman is well-groomed and neat, pretty. She may not be beautiful, but charming. What makes a woman charming? Smile.
2. It is important that she is an interesting conversationalist and has a sense of humor.
3. Interesting women, passionate about some of their business, and not just a man and family.

3 qualities that turn men off

1. He is very wary about how a woman treats herself at the moment when he is not busy with her, but, for example, with work, whether she is able to be alone and go about her business.
2. He is attentive to how often next to her he has a feeling of guilt in front of her. It is annoying when a woman instills guilt, often takes offense and manipulates guilt.
3. Women who try to compete and dominate are intimidated.

The last three qualities that repel men are the product of childhood trauma that needs healing and awareness. And keep in mind, men have childhood injuries of their own. Until the trauma is healed, we match up with the trauma partner so that the trauma rests on the trauma and the pain doubles. Well-developed childhood traumas do not interact with each other, and this makes it possible for a man and a woman to build healthy relationships. That is, you meet a man whose injury “does not hit” yours. Which is what I wish for all of you.