15 Misconceptions That Lead To Neuroses

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Each of us has internal guidelines.

Some of the "rules of life" we have learned from our parents, from the environment, from the cultural space in which we grow up.

Some of them help us in life.

And some make it much more difficult.

Read these statements carefully. Slowly, meaningfully.

Reflect on each one. And listen to yourself.

And answer a few questions:

1) Do you agree with this statement within you? Do you feel the same?

2) What feelings does it evoke?

In order not to forget, as you read and reflect, make notes to yourself. If you want, write your impressions in the comments.

So:

1. "I must be an impeccable lover, friend, parent, teacher, student, or spouse."

2. "I must endure any difficulties in cold blood."

3. "I must be able to quickly find solutions to any problem."

4. "I have no right to feel pain, I must always be happy and calm."

5. "I must know, understand and foresee everything."

6. "I always have to look at ease, but at the same time completely control my feelings."

7. "I should never experience negative emotions such as fear, anger or jealousy."

8. "I must love all my children equally."

9. "I must never be wrong."

10. "My feelings must be constant. If I love, I must always love."

11. "I have to be absolutely sure of myself."

12. "I must defend my interests and beliefs, but I must not hurt or inconvenience anyone."

13. "I have no right to be tired or sick."

14. "I must always be strong."

15. "I always and the first time have to do everything as efficiently as possible."

These 15 points are taken from Karen Horney's book, Neurosis and Personal Development.

Neurosis, in simple words, can be called the totality of all manifestations of bad mood, which, however, lasts a very long time and is experienced in an acute form.

The main problem with these 15 internal delusions, or, as they are also called, "attitudes" or "beliefs", is that each of them leads to neurosis in the corresponding part of life, depriving it of quality and filling it with a very high, extremely high level of anxiety. …

And instead of an ordinary simple good life "in the place" of a conviction, a person forms an "energetic hole", into which a huge part of his attention and energy goes. A person strives with all his might to comply with this "dignity", but discovers that this is completely impossible and is forced to look for ways to cope with the intense feelings emerging from this inadequacy: shame, guilt, fear, despair, etc.

All this, in the end, can lead to serious consequences, ranging from toxic self-criticism, self-deprecation, destruction of your self-esteem to behavior that destroys your relationships, your health, your life and / or relationships, the health and life of loved ones.

What if you discover one, several, or all of these misconceptions at once?

The safest way is to see a psychotherapist.

And each of these attitudes 1) sequentially, 2) slowly, 3) intently and in great detail to "dissect" together with him.

The therapist will help you discover and consider what is hidden "inside" each setting. What does it consist of. By asking you a series of questions. And helping to find answers.

For example:

- Who should?

- To whom should I?

- Why should?

- For what should I?

- Who benefits from what you owe?

- What happens to you when you have to?

- What about your feelings when you should?

- What do you want when you have to?

- What do you want instead of "should"?

Etc.

Why would you do this?

In order to locate on the spot "must" itself.

Get in touch WITH YOUR feelings, with your thoughts, with your feelings, and with your desires.

With their own, and not "imposed" by anyone, because the word "should" means something introduced and accepted from the outside, and, often, not thought out, not meaningful, not compared with oneself, one's reality, one's values and life goals.

Maria Veresk, psychologist, gestalt therapist.