2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many years ago, in a book, I read the last words of an English lady, which for some reason sank into my soul. The words are very simple and, at first glance, completely expressionless. "Well," said the English lady, "it was a very interesting adventure!" - and died with these words.
It would seem - what is it about them? However, then I thought about the following question: will I be able to say something like that at the end of my life, if everything continues as it is? Will it be possible to say about my life "it was a very interesting adventure?" In all respects it turned out that no.
When we build a relationship with life, then willy-nilly we have to periodically make very serious choices. At the everyday level, they relate to the choice of a place of study, work, hobby, husband / wife … These choices are often specific, familiar and understandable. But if you go up a level and try to grasp the general patterns of how and what we choose, then you can find that the number of choices is very limited. In almost every life situation there are hidden several hidden alternatives that are repeated from time to time, from which the individual pattern of our "adventure" is woven. I can distinguish two basic alternatives, which are present almost everywhere in a collapsed order and are closely related to the central issues of our life.
Choice between your own and someone else's (identity - alienation). Is it mine or not mine, is it necessary for me, or is it alien, which has no personal meaning for me?
Choosing between dangerous and safe. I will dwell on this in more detail.
From a natural, evolutionary point of view, our main task is survival and the transfer of genes further. Our psyche is tailored for security. However, this is already the basic conflict: often in order to increase a person's chances of preserving himself, it is necessary to be in danger (to enter into a conflict, risk his life in search of better places, and so on). At some point, the desire to avoid risk at any cost becomes more dangerous than the risk itself. Therefore, life has demanded and requires of us a constant balance between the desire for security and the desire for risk, which provides us with something new.
The illusory feeling of complete security is so strong and inviting that very often the balance between dangerous / safe is upset in favor of the latter. Well, the truth is - what good is a dangerous, i.e. that we might be harmed in some way? The problem is that such concepts as “future”, “novelty” and “development” are on a par with danger, and “stability”, “old” and “past” are on a par with security. Yes, with a stable past, adventures in life will not be enough … In addition, it is impossible to achieve 100% safety in any kind of activity, the risk - even minimal - is always present. It is a fundamental property of life that includes uncertainty and uncertainty. Stability and emphasis on the past aims to eliminate these two "unpleasant" elements of life.
What are people seeking to do if they strongly reject risk in their lives and are committed to minimizing it? To do this, they try to minimize their own participation in life processes. What is needed for this?
A) Demand guarantees of success in the activity, or, in extreme cases, full compensation for possible losses / damages. Without the presence of these guarantees - do not start activities.
B) Do not get involved in any processes, do not get involved emotionally. The ideal option would be the position of an ironic observer - irony allows you to distance yourself and remove other people from yourself.
C) Give up fantasies, dreams, desires - any experiences that can bring dissonance to the current state of affairs, arouse unnecessary emotions and passions. Convince yourself that you do not need much, and that in general your lot is moderation and stoicism, harmony, which is understood as the absence of ripples on the mirror surface of the pond. Clients of psychologists, approaching the moment of breaking their habitually stable existence, often disappear at this stage - they quit therapy, because it arouses "too strong" emotions.
D) Refuse any attempts to control anything (nothing depends on me, only humility remains) or, on the contrary, hyper control (the illusion of omnipotence), in which any deviation from the standard is punished very harshly.
E) Overestimate the horror of psychological stress and underestimate my ability to withstand it (this is too strong / difficult for me).
However, paradoxically, such activities lead to increased anxiety and increased boredom (which is a consequence of abandoning everything that really excites). The price of safety is the suppression of any novelty, any indignation, any attempts to "rock the boat." Reality must either be controlled so that nothing from the outside gets into the rigidly established routine, or it must be ignored (if there is no strength to control everything). But fear does not go away, on the contrary - it can only grow. As M. Pestov accurately wrote, “In order to calmly accept death, you need to exhaust your passion. Empty before life and stop wanting anything … Death is so frightening that there is a premature rejection of life. The very idea of keeping life at such a low energy level becomes not very clear. It is as if a person locks himself in a sterile chamber in order to carve out a few hours from the measured period, while not knowing how to use this time."
Accepting death is the exhaustion of passion, not suppression of it. Suppressing passions, destroying novelty and focusing solely on safety can lead, in extreme cases, to essential depression - chronic fatigue, boredom, apathy. Instead of bright emotions ranging from delight to horror, there are dull rational constructions, impeccable logic, with the help of which one can easily justify any rejection of any claims in this world. All the same, we will all die … A kind of suicide out of fear of death.
Where does fatigue come from? Doesn't a person seem to be doing anything? No, a lot of work is being done - you need to keep your own psyche under control, which is eager to actively interact with the outside world (for this, in fact, it exists). All forces are spent on maintaining stability, almost nothing is left for joy, excitement, interest. A dim light of emotion allows you to exist, but not to actively act in any way. Perhaps a little will remain in order to talk about reality. But just don't interact with her. No adventure. The English lady will say: "Well, it was a pretty safe existence" … But no, she won't. She will be seized with horror, because life has passed by, and the feeling that something very important has been missed will not let go until the very end.
(I don't know the author)
Laughing is the risk of sounding stupid. Crying is the risk of sounding sentimental.
Expressing your feelings is a risk to show your true self. Stretching out a hand to another person is the risk of being drawn into his problems. Sharing your ideas, your dreams with others is the risk of losing them. To love is the risk of not being loved in return. To live is the risk of dying. Hope is the risk of disappointment. But the risk is still necessary.
For the greatest danger in life is not to risk anything. The one who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing, he may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he can neither learn, nor feel, nor change, nor grow, nor love, nor live.
The one who takes risks is free.
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