Fear Of Destruction

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When codependent relationships based on abuse and manipulation break down, instead of relief, we often experience fear. Despite the fact that we all understand with our heads that this is an abnormal scenario of interaction, we are really scared to be left alone. You feel naked, half-hearted and incomplete. How will I be alone? Who am I now? What am I to blame? These questions continue the process of destruction even after the relationship ends.

Someone chooses to endure this pain and start a new life. Someone continues to stubbornly put together the word "eternity" from the pieces of ice. The first option will leave you a chance to maintain your sanity and your own integrity. The second will turn you into a broken doll. You can never replay the manipulator. Simply because his actions defy normal logic. Where you seek meaning, there is nothing. Emptiness. Where you are looking for a person is a split, flawed personality, acting out his injuries at the expense of others. Full-fledged people do not play with other people's lives. Happy people don't wreak havoc and destruction around them. Healthy people do not take pleasure in the suffering of others.

Most of the scenarios implemented by abusers are stereotyped and boring: courtship, the illusion of fulfilling expectations, the development of addiction, the establishment of control, manipulation, emotional swing, devaluation, destruction, imitation of remorse, forgiveness, reconciliation, and so on in a circle. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to adjust and conform, no matter how hard you try to understand what is required of you, the scenario will not change. Do you know why? Because it's not about you at all. Understand that the behavior of the manipulator has nothing to do with your specific behavior. If there is another woman in your place, everything will be repeated word for word.

He loves you and hates you. Now he promises to marry, then he kicks out of the house. He then requires family and children from you, then disappears for several days. Either he blocks all contacts, then he stands on his knees in the rain for hours, waiting for forgiveness. Do you think this is a sign of love and his complex nature? No, this is a typical mechanism for manipulation and addiction development. The more you invest in these relationships, the stronger the emotional attachment, the more painful it is to tear "alive".

However, you must understand that your partner is actually fulfilling YOUR needs. All coincidences with YOUR goals and desires are nothing more than part of a well thought out plan. Depending on the level of development of your partner (and it's definitely not about spirituality, but about intelligence and the degree of functionality), he, to one degree or another, adjusts to the tasks you voiced. The manipulator studies your habits and aspirations, trying to recreate your dreams to the smallest detail. It is with these "promises" that you find it hard to part at a break. You miss not his touch, but your feelings. Not by his actions, but by the illusion he created. You are living in a non-existent world. But he inflicts very real injuries on you.

It doesn't matter who your partner was. It doesn't matter what his diagnosis is. It doesn't matter what label you put on it. It is important how YOU feel. If you understand that this communication is destroying you, break all contacts without regret. It is better to endure once the pain of realization than to bring your whole life to the altar of a nonexistent relationship. Of course, there are relationships that we cannot completely avoid. But we can not let them hurt us. Boundaries, self-esteem, self-preservation instinct, a support group, well-defined priorities and the will to live are your weapons against abuse. In order to resist the manipulator, it is not necessary to become a hunter herself. It's enough just not to be a victim.