2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Gaslighting is a popular topic. Thanks to the dissemination of information and understanding of this phenomenon, it became possible to differentiate the behavior of gaslighters. We've all seen the devaluing behavior of a relative, teacher, or some important figure at some point:
- Denial of facts, substitution, devaluing comparison ("It was not," "Don't make up", "You are cowardly / lazy," "You don't understand anything," "You can’t do anything," "Do not arrange a concert," "You are fat").
- Denial of emotions or emphasizing inadequacy of perception ("Why are you so nervous out of the blue", "This is nonsense", "You are hysterical").
The actions of the gaslighter are more often than not just phrases that he recommends you not to pay attention to (“Why do you react like that, I didn't say anything special,” “Yes, it was generally a joke,” etc.). In this case, the public can be actively involved. After all, the manipulator needs allies and alibis. These can be relatives, mutual acquaintances, neighbors, friends. In their view, a gaslighter is a wonderful person who knows how to maintain relationships, polite and benevolent, but he is a psychopath, a mawialist.
The dangerous thing is that malicious actions are stretched out in time, they can hide behind care and supposedly good intentions. Therefore, a person is gradually poisoned by the poison of a gaslighter, loses clarity of thinking, the ability to clarify the situation and relationships, the boundaries are blurred and the personality dissolves, merging with the rapist. A devaluating feeling of oneself is built into the psyche and the auto-aggression mode is turned on.
This can be compared to the feeding process of spiders. They have no teeth and cannot crush food into small pieces. Therefore, they paralyze the victim, bite, injecting poison and simply wait for the victim to digest in itself. After some time, the victim's tissues soften and turn into a nutrient solution, which the spider absorbs, leaving only an empty shell.
Gaslighter's goal - to gain power, all the time leveling your value, achievements, abilities, appearance, to make you doubt the obvious, not to believe yourself - feelings, feelings, memory. After all, it is much easier to manage a person when he is depressed, subject to doubts about his own abilities, and feels worthless. At the same time, the psyche of the suppressed is exposed to destructive effects, constant stress requires a lot of effort, causes fatigue, apathy, depression and can lead to suicide.
It is difficult to survive in such situations, but it is possible. It is important to find a person who has the strength to return you to reality, to form a resource of emotional, financial and territorial autonomy. After a long intoxication, it takes time to rehabilitate one's own value and strength. The recovery process can take several years, you will never be the same again. There will be a more mature personality, strong, selective in relationships, able to respond in a timely manner to attempts at aggression, to protect their intrinsic value.
Take care of yourself!
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