2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Anyone can be jealous. If feelings of friendship or love arise between people, jealousy also appears.
Jealousy is not given to us at birth. It is an acquired reaction that occurs in response to certain situations.
For example: we lack attention, love, sympathy and respect on the part of a significant person and are convinced that someone else is receiving it imaginary or real, jealousy arises.
Jealousy is a negative feeling. It is a claim to the exclusive possession of another person. If absolute ownership is questioned, fear of losing the object of ownership arises. This fear is irrational, very strong. It is difficult to carry it. The thought that someone will take away the love of an important person causes anger, resentment and anger. And even unreasonable actions pushes us. And sometimes violent actions.
Jealousy has nothing to do with love, it is both the desire for possession and the fear of being rejected at the same time.
A jealous person is always on guard, he has low self-esteem, self-doubt in relationships. He lives in constant tension and fear that someone will come, definitely better, more interesting, more attractive, and take away the property of the jealous person. A controlled person will cease to love him and leave … And the thought that an adored person will find happiness with another is maddening.
Therefore, a jealous person searches his pockets, reads e-mail messages, telephone SMS. He is always tense, suspicious.
The one who is jealous wants to know everything about the other, constantly watching him. At the same time, the most innocent actions of a partner are interpreted as a sign that something is wrong, that there is a third.
Unconsciously, confident that he is not worthy of love, and he will be rejected anyway, the jealous person pushes, provokes a partner into betrayal and becomes a victim.
Paradoxically, jealous people feel relieved when they learn that "something" really happened, find confirmation of their fears. The tension that has been accumulating for days, months, years of waiting for betrayal is finally finding a way out.
How to overcome jealousy?
Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something, anger that someone is approaching something that you think belongs to you.
📍 As soon as jealousy appears, determine what is more in it: fear or anger?
In what part of the body is the experience of jealousy concentrated?
If the abdomen is pinched and pulled together like a lump. Most likely it is fear. If fever, a feeling of suffocation prevails, your shoulders and jaws are cramping, then most likely it is anger.
But you can also feel a combination of both emotions.
Express your feelings in a different way. If it's anger: scream, hit your pillow. If there is fear, try to relax, relieve tension. As you learn to accept and work with your negative feelings, anger and fear will disappear.
📍 Discuss your feelings with your partner. But don't blame. Use Me instead of You. Share your feelings. Don't say, "You shouldn't do this," say, "I felt terrible when this happened."
📍Ask yourself, “Why am I jealous? What is the reason that makes me so jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why am I suffering? What am I afraid of? " Once you understand the cause of jealousy, you can confidently take positive steps to strengthen your position by turning off negative emotions.
📍Change your beliefs. It's about transforming the false beliefs that always accompany jealousy. Usually these beliefs generate negative emotions. For example, "If this person leaves me, I will never meet anyone, I will be left alone for the rest of my life." Beliefs are subject to change. If you change them, you change both your feelings and your life.
📍Don't listen to people who make you jealous.
Whatever the reasoning, remember - jealousy is not an expression of love. Quite the opposite. It is a defensive weapon trying to protect what seems to be yours by right. But by being jealous, instead of keeping love alive, you accelerate its destruction.
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