2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
All about the fears people fear
How to stop being afraid? How to get rid of anxiety? What to do so that it is not scary to do something?
Psychotherapists receive such questions on a regular basis and advice here can be very different, but everyone, one way or another, cannot deny the main thing.
It is impossible to completely get rid of fears!
Fears are different
There are adequate fears that protect your safety. It's the fear of hurting yourself, or the fear of a drunken company in the middle of the night. Either your boss says he will fire you, or you are afraid to jump with a parachute. These fears are normal, they make sense - your safety. It is hardly necessary to deal with such fears. It is better to listen to such fears - and go around the company at night, not play with knives, pay attention to work. These fears protect your life, it is natural.
But there are fears that make sense to deal with differently.
What are these fears?
Fear of communication, fear of public speaking, fear of what will be thought of you, fear of not coping, fear of not living up to expectations, fear of approaching a girl you like. There are so many such fears, and none of them directly threaten life, but it is difficult to live with them. I want to get rid of them.
How to do it?
Attention to yourself and action. Very often, fear marks a need and is a symptom. You are afraid of what is important to you. You are afraid of what you want. Fear can never arise outside the zone of desire. Fear shines with reflected light, it has no energy of its own. This is the energy of the need that stands behind it. If you can manage to become aware of this need, then the logical way to get rid of fear is to satisfy the need.
There are fears that can be corrected by will. If you are afraid of public speaking, it is a matter of two to five speeches before the fear starts to go away. You can take courses in public speaking, and if the teacher, in addition to speaking skills, is also a psychologist, it will be easy for you to get rid of such fear.
If you are afraid to meet people, you will have to make an effort at first. Go in your own fear, in other words, but very carefully observe what is happening to you in the moment. It may turn out that you are not afraid of what you are afraid, and the needs of others. It may turn out that you are justifiably afraid, but really want something that is on the other side of fear.
There is always something behind fear
People want intimacy, but they are afraid of intimacy. They want recognition, but be afraid to admit the need itself. Take action, there is no other way out. And no, this does not mean that the fear will go away. There are artists who go on stage twice a day, and after 10 years of such a life, they are still afraid of the stage. What drives them?
Energy on the other side of fear. What they get when they overstep their fear. Something else that exists where fear exists. Balance of fear and desire.
It is impossible to get rid of fear, but you can learn to live with it.
If you can learn to live with your fears through experience, that's great.
But there are fears that are beyond experience
These are fears that suggest that it makes sense to go into psychotherapy.
This may be the same fear of public speaking, which does not go anywhere and does not become bearable even after a course of public speaking and ten workouts. If that fear is tied to toxic shame, courses and experience will not help. Psychotherapy will help.
And another fear that is often asked about is the fear of change. When you change something in your life and are afraid of it. How to deal with this?
The answer is to just be with it and remember that the more you want something, the more you fear. This is completely normal, think of an artist who is stage frightened but cannot live without it. The main thing is to balance fear, remember that it is, but desire moves you. Your energy is in desire. Not in fear.
Build on this.
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