2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
For a metaphorical designation of the features of our behavior in relationships, you can come up with many wonderful images that will unobtrusively and vividly convey all the complexity of what we experience, what we fear, what we are worried about, what we bring in and what we run from. For this I love metaphors and symbols. After all, they show reality as it is, but do not hurt. You can take them and try them on yourself. But if the time is not yet or there is no strength for deep thoughts and changes, then you can take it off without hesitation and hang it in the "closet" until awareness comes. And the main thing is not painful … Because the fear of pain is the first and main obstacle on the way to oneself and to harmonious relationships in the end.
Interestingly, I have no metaphor for the protagonist of one of my favorite films. Maybe because his fear of loneliness, the fear of being abandoned is so obvious that he no longer needs additional images and symbols. For me, he is just a Man who was afraid of pain …
But let's go first. He is a successful, intelligent, handsome, charming, sociable 48-year-old man, who has many significant and not very novels behind him and no less of the same in the future. He has a daughter from a casual relationship with whom he does not maintain a relationship and has only seen once in a photograph. Women are crazy about him, they quickly fall in love, because along with all of the above, he still knows how to look after beautifully. And he does it very sincerely, with all the involvement and emotional involvement, but … not for long. He remembers some of his women even in the smallest details of their character and behavior. This means that they were important to him. But why then did he not have a long-term relationship with anyone?
I found the answer in the words of his friend: “This has been known for a long time. There are only two types of love stories in the world. A guy loses a girlfriend, or she loses him. It is so, it is so. Someone is always left alone."
And what does it mean "to be alone"? It is to experience sadness, longing, resentment, disappointment, self-doubt … And this is scary … And it often hurts a lot …
In psychology, there is a term "autophobia", which denotes the fear of loneliness. If translated literally, then you can designate it as "fear of oneself." And yes. If we are left without relationship, we end up with ourselves. With all their complexes, fears, unfulfilled dreams.
The hero does not want to be alone and starts romances. He is afraid of being abandoned, so he leaves women first. He does not allow the relationship to sink to a deep level of intimacy, because then he will have to (through a partner) come into contact with his own shadow side, sensitivity and with himself, real, without jewelry.
And everything would have been "good" for him if he had not met her, a sweet, naive 22-year-old girl who hooked him with her childish sincerity.
And in anticipation of another beautiful fleeting romance, which will remain a pleasant memory for him, he tells her: “I shouldn't have said this, but I like you. So I want to be very clear from the very beginning, so that later there will be no misunderstanding … I want to tell you that I can only offer you what we have now, nothing more. Just that until it ends. I mean we have no future."
And then his well-honed script failed: “I know. I am sick. It's my heart. Nobody thought that I would last that long … I shouldn't have told you this, but I like you. So I want to be very clear from the very beginning … So that later there will be no misunderstandings."
This film is a beautiful story maybe not even so much about love, which is still in the foreground, but, what is more important for me, about the path to himself through the pain that he still had to live and endure. But this pain became a cleansing for him.
And, in the end, he still became a loving father and grandfather …
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