2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You can't love too much
it hurts to love too much …
After all, one day you will understand that fate
Rewards the desperate but free!
(I. P.)
Probably it is difficult to find another work of fiction where the problems of codependent relationships would be depicted so colorfully (albeit metaphorically).
Indeed, this fantastic story presents the whole spectrum of those complex feelings and emotions that people experience, willingly or unwillingly staying in such a relationship. These are fear, irritation, pity, passion, anger, emotion, despair, regret, pain, inspiration, calmness, anxiety …
In such a relationship, it is very difficult to understand who is the “victim” and who is the emotional “tyrant”. In some way they also resemble sadomasochistic games, only on a mental and emotional level.
And what shocked me in this story most of all was that the "model" of the woman, created by the ocean, whom the main character loved and lost, realizes the desperation of the situation and decides to end it so as not to torment him with his abnormal affection.
Speaking in the language of psychology, the heroine is characterized by an anxiously ambivalent style of attachment, which is characterized by the desire for a high degree of emotional closeness with a partner. Individuals with this type of attachment are inherent in self-doubt, inadequate self-esteem, they can be very jealous, since each subject in the field of vision of a loved one is perceived as a potential threat to their union. This attachment style is also accompanied by a constant fear that the partner does not want a close emotional relationship (even if in reality it is the other way around), and that they are simply tolerated by themselves out of pity.
Not everyone can withstand such an emotional intensity and even the most wonderful relationship collapses, and it's good if as a result everyone remains alive, and not like in this difficult romance …
But why is this happening?
Maybe the answer is actually very simple and sounds like this: "A man went to explore other worlds, other civilizations, not fully knowing his own hiding places, nooks and crannies, wells, barricaded dark doors." And again: "How can you understand the ocean if you are no longer able to understand each other?"
We are often so carried away by the external spheres of life that we forget to periodically remind ourselves that real life is not a relationship between me and work, or me and money, or I am my achievements, or me and power, or me and sex.
Real life is a relationship between I and the Other.
But in these relationships it is sometimes so difficult and painful that we run anywhere, even from ourselves, so as not to experience these relationships and not get sick with them.
But if we do not experience, then we will not feel the taste of real Life.
And if you do not get sick of important and valuable relationships for us, then there is no chance of recovery …
“We are not looking for anyone but a person. We don't need other worlds. We need our reflection. We don't know what to do with other worlds. We have had enough of one, we are already suffocating in it. We want to find our own idealized image: planets with civilizations more perfect than ours, or the worlds of our primitive past. Meanwhile, there is something on the other side that we do not accept, against which we defend ourselves, and after all, not only pure virtue, not only the ideal of a heroic Man, was brought from the Earth! We arrived here as we really are; and when the other side shows us our real essence, that part of the truth about us that we hide, we just can't come to terms with it! …
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