An Activity-based Approach To The Functioning Of Codependent Relationships

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An Activity-based Approach To The Functioning Of Codependent Relationships
An Activity-based Approach To The Functioning Of Codependent Relationships
Anonim

The existing approaches to describing and explaining codependent relationships and their shortcomings are considered. A model of codependency is proposed as a change in leading activity in interaction from the "adult-adult" type to the "parent-child" type. With the help of the activity model, the femenological features of codependent relationships are explained. The mechanism of the influence of codependent relationships on the use of the adict as a regression to the child's position to maintain the "parent-child" interaction is revealed. The basic principle of correcting codependent relationships is deduced as a change in leading activity in interaction from the "parent-child" type to "adult-adult". The practical directions of corrective work with codependent relationships are given

Keywords: codependent relationships, activity model, dependence.

Today, when considering the problem of dependence, one of the main factors influencing the use of psychoactive substances is the codependent environment [1, 4]. However, although in the modern scientific picture of understanding the dyad "dependence-codependency" the features of both of these poles are well studied, the mechanisms of their mutual influence are not fully understood and explained. In practice, this is reflected in the fact that there are enough separate programs for working with dependent and codependent individuals, but at the same time there is an obvious lack of sufficiently developed joint programs for working with the entire family system in which there is an addiction.

First of all, it should be noted that the mechanism of such mutual influence is mediated by the process of common activity, since no matter what the features of dependent and codependent persons are, the mutual influence of these features can only pass through joint interpersonal activity. That is, in order to study the mechanisms of the pathological influence of the codependent environment on the dependence of its member, it is necessary to consider the distortion of the processes of interaction between them - interpersonal activity.

Of the psychological approaches that offer models for describing the process of interaction between dependent-codependent, several can be distinguished. In the approach of Virginny Satir [3], such relationships are described using a hierarchy model with inequality and domination-submission of participants. The structural approach describes codependent relationships as distortions of the interaction structure of family members belonging to one holon from horizontal to vertical and the creation of coalitions between members who do not belong to the same holon [3]. One of the most developed theories of the "dependent-codependent" interaction is the school of transactional analysis [7]. In it, such a relationship is described by the scheme of symbiosis, where the codependent participant is predominantly in the Parental ego state, the dependent participant in the interaction is in the Child's ego state, and there is no Adult-Adult interaction.

Although all these models provide a description of the structure of codependent interaction, its causes and psychological mechanisms are not fully disclosed. In addition, no model discloses the mechanism of the influence of such interaction directly on addictive behavior, while this is one of the main urgent practical goals in the study of the phenomenon of codependent relationships.

As the main common feature of the description of the "codependent-dependent" interaction in the above approaches, one can single out the representation of its structure as rigidly hierarchical, where one participant dominates, is in a psychological position "from above", and the other obeys, is in a psychological position "from below".“Normally,” such a style of relationship is present in the interaction of a mother with a child, therefore, it is appropriate to hypothesize that codependent relationships are a consequence of the formation of a leading joint activity in parent-child interaction in adult relationships. On the one hand, such a hypothesis fits well with the thesis that pathology has nothing fundamentally new, which in another form would not be present in the norm. On the other hand, the presented hypothesis explains the psychological mechanism of the emergence of codependent relationships as the activation of natural patterns of parent-child interaction in an inappropriate situation of relations between two adults. Also, the description of "codependent-dependent" interaction using the model of interpersonal activity "parents-children" explains the phenomenological picture of such relationships: fusion and symbiosis, focusing on each other, the overvalued relationship, blurring the boundaries of "I-you" and "mine-yours", katatimny coloration, patterns of custody and control, etc. All these features are one of the normal manifestations of the relationship between parents and children under 3 years of age.

The transition to interaction on the principle of "parent-child" for a participant who takes the position of codependency is, in principle, natural, since the presence of this type of leading activity in the relationship is "normal" for adulthood, but this type of activity is activated in an inappropriate situation (not in a real situation of caring for a small child, but in a situation of "adult" relationships). On the other hand, in an adult without mental disabilities, child-type activity in parent-child interaction normally cannot be the leading one (naturally, such activity can become leading only when regressing to a psychotic state). Therefore, in order to accept a parent-child relationship from the perspective of a child, a person needs artificial means of regressing to this type of activity. Nature provides for only one such artificial means of regression - addiction. This explains the main mechanism of participation of codependent interaction with others in addictive behavior.

There are two extreme ways of genesis of interaction of the type "codependent-dependent" in a pair. The first way is the formation of dependence in one of the participants, which will activate the “parental” activity of the other participant, and over time, such patterns of interaction will become entrenched as leading. Another way is the primary codependent behavior in one of the members, which will provoke the development of dependence in the other. At the same time, three stages can be distinguished in this genesis. At the first stage, the dependent (or codependent) behavior of one of the participants in the interaction provokes the development of the complementary codependent (or, accordingly, dependent) behavior of the other participant. At the second stage, joint activity of the "codependent-dependent" type becomes the leading one in the interaction of the couple. At the same time, the patterns of "dependence" and "codependency" pathologically support each other, and attempts by one of the participants in the relationship to rebuild the interaction to the "adult-adult" type on its part will cause active resistance of the other participant. At the third stage, interaction of the "codependent-dependent" type can no longer maintain relationships and they disintegrate.

It should be noted that codependent relationships as built on the principle of parent-child relationships were considered by other authors, for example [6], but such relationships were considered similar to parental relationships. The idea of a direct correspondence due to the transfer of natural activities in the interaction "parent-child" on the relationship of adults was put forward for the first time.

Comparison of the characteristics of interaction for the types "parent-child" and "adult-adult" is shown in Table 1.

Table 1. Characteristics of parent-child and adult-adult interaction

The proposed model of considering codependent relationships as the formation of the leading activity of the "parent-child" type has the following advantages over other models:

1.) All other models describe individual aspects of codependent interaction, none of them covers the entire spectrum of its manifestations. The proposed model can be called generalizing, because all other models naturally follow from it as partial cases, and it explains the entire known phenomenological picture of such relations.

2.) Although some models explain the structure of codependent interaction quite well, their psychological mechanisms are not revealed. The proposed model is initially based on the psychological mechanism of the emergence of codependent relationships as a change in the leading activity in interaction from the "adult-adult" type to the "parent-child" type.

3.) Most models consider the manifestations of codependency as something pathological, unnatural and as something that does not exist in the norm. In the new model, codependent behavior is considered as natural and as present in the norm in other social situations (for example, in situations of caring for a small child).

4.) None of the models reveals the mechanism of the influence of codependent interaction on the dependent behavior of one of the participants in the interaction. Conversely, in the activity model, the dependent behavior of one of the members is a necessary element as an alternative to regression into a psychotic state.

5.) The phenomenology of the genesis of codependent relationships has been studied and described well enough, but the reasons for the development of such relationships are not disclosed. Either a primary tendency towards codependent behavior is stated (due to either personality pathology, or as a learned behavior), or is explained by "infection" through unclear mechanisms by "codependency" from a loved one with dependent behavior. The activity model reveals and explains precisely the causes and mechanisms of the primary inclination and "infection" of codependent behavior. The primary tendency to such behavior can be explained by underdeveloped activity in social interaction of the "adult-adult" type (as a result of various reasons, starting with personality pathology, ending with insufficiently developed skills of such behavior), due to which the following activity of the " parents-children”from the accessible repertoire of natural activities of interpersonal interaction. On the other hand, the process of "infection" is explained by the activation of parent-child-type activity by the dependent behavior of a loved one and the consolidation of this activity over time as leading with destruction of activity in the "adult-adult" interaction.

6.) Although most models for describing codependent interactions are psychotherapeutic, that is, those that were originally developed with an emphasis on practical value, none of these models gives the practical psychologist a general principle of working with such relationships, but only certain practical techniques (setting boundaries, exit from the Karpman triangle, emotional separation, a shift in focus on solving one's own problems, "tough love", etc.). On the other hand, the activity approach gives an understanding of the general principle of the approach to working with codependent relationships - changing the leading activity in relationships from the “parent-child” type to the “adult-adult” type. Practical techniques of working with codependent relationships, previously proposed in other approaches, naturally emerge from this principle, while acquiring new content and methodological clarification.

Below are these basic practical directions for working with codependent relationships. Also, for each direction, using the model of transferring interpersonal activity "parents-children" to adult relationships, the reason for the occurrence of the corresponding problem in the relationship is explained.

"Delegation-taking responsibility for solving problems." In parent-child interactions, parents assume overriding responsibility for solving the little child's problems, while solving the child's problems is of paramount importance over solving their own problems. The same is repeated in the “codependent-dependent” relationship (this is how these relationships are built according to the same type of leading activity) - the “codependent” assumes the predominant responsibility for solving the “dependent” problems, neglecting the solution of his own life problems. To restructure codependent relationships into relationships according to the principle of "adult-adult" interaction, it is necessary to change the distribution of responsibility for how this manifests itself in "adult" relationships: the overwhelming responsibility for solving their own life problems is borne by the person himself. Help in solving one's own problems is provided only when a person is not able to solve them on his own and to the extent that it is really necessary. From which also emerges the need to shift the focus of attention from the partner to oneself.

"Respect". In parent-child relationships, care and control dominate, which is completely repeated in codependent relationships. The condition for changing the leading activity in such an adult-adult relationship is the abandonment of the system of care and control and the development of respect both for each other's personalities and for the ability to make decisions, solve problems, and so on.

"Borders". The main characteristic of personal and social boundaries between a child and an adult is their absence. Likewise, codependent relationships are characterized by confusion and blurring of boundaries, blurring of the concepts "I-Thou", "Mine-Thy". Therefore, work with boundaries is one of the most important areas of work on restructuring codependent relationships into an "adult-adult" relationship.

"Structural-role aspect" The structure of the parent-child relationship is strictly hierarchical. Parents in this hierarchy occupy "dominant" roles, and children are assigned "subordinate" roles (through the internalization of which the children undergo the process of socialization). The hierarchical structure is recreated, respectively, in codependent relationships, which leads to the adoption by adult members of the interaction of "child" and "parental" roles, the internalization of which will lead to the process of desocialization. The hierarchical structure in adult relationships will lead to the so-called "games of power" and interaction according to the Karpman triangle model. When working with codependent relationships, it is necessary to restructure their structure from a hierarchical “chief-subordinate” to a democratic “peer-to-peer” and the adoption of “adult roles”.

"Equal cooperation". Submission and rebellion is an integral part of a child's behavior in hierarchical parenting relationships. Similarly, codependent relationships are also characterized by variability, changes in the vector from total rapprochement to total distance, fluctuations from submission to opposition. The goal of working with a codependent couple in this case will be to change the structure of interaction from hierarchical to equal, the main characteristic of which is cooperation.

"Emotional maturity." The relationship between mother and child, on the one hand, is filled with "childish" emotions, on the other hand, the unique experiences of the mother, which are not inherent in any other types of natural relationships. Therefore, the transfer of the activity of "parents-children" to codependent relationships provides such relationships with a "catatim coloring" and an overvalued character. This implies the need to work with "emotional maturity" in such relationships, not only separately with each member, but also with the general emotional maturity of their interaction (teaching the couple new means of emotional interaction, manifestation and acceptance of emotions, etc.).

"The communicative aspect". Communication in a parent-child relationship, as a separate aspect of interpersonal activity, has its own characteristics in comparison with communication in an adult-adult relationship. So communication in the relationship "parents-children" is more "role-playing", where parents take "teacher" roles, and children "student". This type of communication is also recreated in codependent relationships, where the codependent takes the "teacher" role, and the dependent "student". Such communication is overflowing, on the one hand, with notations, reproaches, instructions, instructions, and so on, and on the other, with complaints, excuses, offenses, and so on. The task of a specialist will be to restructure communication to an adult type, which is more "personal" among relatives.

"Integrative aspect" A couple, the development of relations in which went according to the "codependent-dependent" type, at some stage may no longer hold anything together, except for the pattern of interaction "codependent-dependent". Therefore, in order to solve the priority task of maintaining the relationship as possible, the question of integrating a couple appears on principles other than codependency. If this task is not solved, then the relationship will either end, or, to prevent separation, will return back to the "codependent-dependent" type. The tasks of a specialist in this case will be the construction and development of the integrative function of interpersonal activity: from finding joint integrative activity to learning to build such joint activity "from scratch".

The work [5] proposed the stages of work with a family, in which there is a problem of dependence: 1.) distance, at which there is a maximum psychological distance, up to physical separation; 2.) rehabilitation, where the individual problems of each are worked out; 3.) rapprochement, which is dedicated to the rapprochement of the couple and the restoration of relations on a new psychological basis; 4.) restructuring, where past family experiences are worked through; 5.) harmonization, where there is a transition to the elaboration of external social relations of the family; 6.) Resocialization - new family goals, values, and so on. These stages are an extension of the Integrative personality-oriented developmental approach [2]. The first three steps are key to working with a codependent family.

If we correlate the directions of work with a codependent couple with these stages, then: directions of "delegation of responsibility", "respect" and "boundaries" are the most important at the first stage of distancing; “Structural-role aspect”, “equal cooperation”, “emotional maturity” at the second stage of rehabilitation; "Communication aspect" and "integrative aspect" in the third stage of rapprochement. These first three key stages of restructuring the parent-child relationship into an adult-adult relationship take at least two years at best.

Conclusions. " Codependent-dependent » relationship can be described using the model of the change in the leading activity in interpersonal interaction from the type "adult-adult" to "parent-children". This model describes all the known phenomenological features of codependent relationships and integrates other models of their functioning, such as in the approaches of Virginia Satir, structural family, transactional analysis, etc. In addition, the activity model reveals the mechanism of influence on the addict's use as a means of regressing to the child's position in interaction. The activity approach provides the basic principle of correcting codependent relationships - changing the leading activity in interaction with the "parent-child" type back to the "adult-adult" type, from which the main practical areas of work emerge: "delegation of responsibility", "respect", "boundaries", “Structural-role aspect”, “equal cooperation”, “emotional maturity”, “communication aspect”, “integrative aspect”.

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