Mistress. Why Are They Parting With Them?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I have a book that I still can't finish writing to the end. In a working draft title, it reads like this: “ Mistress: to have or not to have ?! A book for making the right decision by unfaithful husbands " … As you can imagine, it is intended for men who almost never realize the consequences that adultery and herself entail. mistress … Recently, I re-read the draft materials and 1000 questionnaires of those men who themselves decided to part with their mistresses. And created a list of those reasons for breaking up with mistresses, which was called to me by the men themselves, who turned to me at the time of parting with their "left" passions.

I am aware that men could not always be sincere with me. But, nevertheless, 80% of them are inclined to trust what they told me. So how to go for advice from a family psychologist and deceiving him by distorting the facts and his attitude towards them is a waste of time. After all, a specialist will not be able to help someone who misinforms him. This is about the same as in the case of clearly perceived acute pain in the heart, go to the ear, nose and throat and tell him about ringing in the ears, naively hoping that an experienced specialist will nevertheless identify cardiac problems himself and prescribe the right medications.

I also warn readers that in men's descriptions of the reasons for parting with mistresses objective and subjective factors, economics and psychology, faith and morality, etc. are intricately mixed. In addition, most often two or three reasons act simultaneously. Moreover, it is very difficult to rank them, to understand what is more important. Therefore, the data that I will cite now should not be considered strictly scientific. Science requires a clear sample of the age of men, the duration of their relationship, the number of children in the family, and much more. But this will already be a multivolume study that no one will read. So, while working on a popular book, I am limited to just generalized statistics.

So, what did they indicate the reasons for their separation from mistresses those 1000 married men who, according to them, themselves made a decision to terminate the "left" connection:

• 517 men - love for wife and children. Telling his mistress how bad his family is, the man deceived himself and underestimated his connection with his wife and child / children. In practice, such men realized that they would not be able to part with their family and established life. Most often - after making an attempt to leave the family and live separately from his wife (or together with his mistress).
• 409 men - during the time of communication, intimate relations with his mistress have noticeably deteriorated. The woman began to refuse sex (like a wife), or shy away from sex experiments, etc. The meaning of such a relationship simply disappeared.
• 409 men - during the time of communication, intimate relations with his mistress have noticeably deteriorated. The woman began to refuse sex (like a wife), or shy away from sex experiments, etc. The meaning of such a relationship simply disappeared.
• 387 men - during the time of the love affair, it did not improve, but the social and financial situation of the changing man worsened. He lost a high position or so did not get it; his business has deteriorated or ruined; he was laid off at work; he was under investigation; the power in his city or organization changed, after which he lost the possibility of legal or "black" earnings. In general, it became clear to the man that after leaving the family he would not be able to buy new housing, provide for himself, a new family, a past family and children at the proper level. Or the man corny realized that the financial needs of his mistress are very high, he simply will not physically pull them out.
• In 346 men, the technical problem was solved, because of which the man had a need for a mistress, and the mistress herself was simply not needed. For example: gave birth to a pregnant wife who avoided sex; a restless baby grew up, who riveted all the attention of his wife to himself, not giving the opportunity to give her husband proper attention; the man's family moved from his parents (where it was difficult to lead an intimate life) to their own home; a large apartment was bought, where the children got their own room, and the parents got sex.
• 329 men indicated that the character of the mistress turned out to be scandalous, capricious, jealous and unbearable, and the pressure that the mistress put on the man to leave the family and file for divorce turned out to be excessive and offensive for male pride. That is, demands and ultimatums to leave the family by the New Year, February 14, March 8, the mistress of the beginning of the relationship, etc. turned out to be so rude and tough that the cheating men realized that they definitely would not be able to be the head of a possible new family with a mistress, and the henpecked role assigned to them did not suit them. Since in the existing family, with all the disadvantages of his wife, the man still knows that the head of the family (even if weak and formal) is he.
• 306 men were tortured by a sense of guilt in front of their wife and children. When a man realizes that spending money on a mistress is stealing from his family, close people. Especially if the wife has never cheated and has a calm character, and the children clearly love dad, the mistress is clearly losing.
• 273 men saw that their wives (before revealing their husband's infidelity or after) realized their mistakes in a timely manner, began to look better, began to behave more actively in sex, and communicate more positively with their husbands. Accordingly, the man's motivation to cheat has decreased. After all, at home you can get sex and attention for less money than on the side, plus there is no risk of losing a child. That is, the wives behaved correctly and therefore won, the mistress is clearly losing.
• 248 men cheated on their mistress with other women. This is a betrayal in a square or cube, when a man has created an intimate relationship with an additional lover. Which at first seemed more interesting than the existing "left" girlfriend. Everything is clear here: one passion defeated another, there was one mistress, and now out of 2 or 3!
• 227 men felt sorry for losing their investments in their existing family, since after a divorce everything can be lost. So to speak, greed took its toll … the mistress clearly would like to get nothing less than she has.
• 217 men - the mistress is just tired. That is, it turned out that apart from sex and a bright appearance, she can not give anything else. For work, career and money - it is useless, boring in communication, does not develop itself and does not have great goals, does not go anywhere and does not call, problems with household management, cares poorly, etc.
• 206 men noted that they broke up with their mistresses after they quit drinking and stopped communicating with the group of cheerful friends with whom they walked and cheated. It was not interesting to drink and change alone.
• 195 men - with regret were convinced that the mistress categorically does not want to accept his child / children from the existing marriage. He is jealous of him, tries to reduce the man's expenses on his child, does not allow him to communicate, etc.
• 186 men broke up with their mistresses after they changed jobs and stopped seeing the friend they worked with every day. As you know: out of sight - out of mind.
• 180 men saw that during the love affair, the appearance and / or health of their mistress noticeably deteriorated. The woman has grown fat; became less bright and well-groomed; became disabled or developed a serious chronic illness, etc.
• 166 men - the health of the cheating husband has worsened. Due to age and illness, sexual activity has decreased, it was simply not up to his mistress.
• It became clear to 154 men that his parents, his children (especially those who had grown up), his friends categorically would not accept his mistress as a new wife. And if his environment as a whole is fundamentally on the side of the existing wife, a man may think a lot.
• 133 men learned such defamatory facts about their mistress's past that it alienated them from their friend. For example: she was a prostitute or a kept woman, had a previous conviction, used drugs, etc.
• 95 men found out that his mistress is cheating on him with another man at the present time. After which he was indignant at such a double game, decided not to be a laughing stock to those around him and to part with his unfaithful girlfriend.
• 78 men realized that continuing to bond with his mistress could undermine his career … To spoil the reputation in the team and in front of the management. As they say, your own shirt is closer to your body. Sorry dear, this is just business …
• 62 men admitted that their relationship with their mistress worsened due to bad relations with the child / children of the mistress from a previous marriage. When it became clear that the chances of their improvement are very low, and living with a mistress in such conditions is uncomfortable.
• 59 men indicated that they saw a strong dependence of their mistress on her parents (mother). Then they realized that they could not get along with her.
• 46 men noted that they did not like the fact that their mistress is higher in social status. Started making a career faster than themselves; that she earns more and in every possible way emphasizes her success.

37 men abandoned their mistresses after changing their region of residence

All other reasons were too small to be grouped and described.

I want to note right away: the total number of these men in these statistics exceeds 4000 people! This is despite the fact that at the beginning of the article it was noted that the data were collected using questionnaires from a control group of only 1000 men who themselves took the initiative to part with their mistress. The thing is that in the minds of the overwhelming majority of men, several motives and reasons for breaking the "left" connection worked at once, as a rule, three or five! That is, men are so dependent on their mistresses that one motive for stopping infidelity is always not enough !!! In order for a man to part with his mistress, who flawlessly gives him sex, it is necessary that many factors and circumstances work at once! Otherwise, for months, or even years, he will rush from wife to mistress and back as a shuttle. As one angry wife said: "like unsinkable organic material in an ice hole!" Let me emphasize again: The mistress still needs to try hard so that the man leaves her. Or she lacked patience and tact. Or she was simply unlucky - the man began such a difficult period in his life, when he was not up to her, he needed to save his own skin.

Hence, I appeal to the wives:be smarter and more alert! Understand: it is much easier to prevent a husband from cheating so that a mistress does not appear! giving him the right amount and quality of sex and your attention, taking care of himself, her husband and children with dignity, developing in life and as a person (etc.) - rather than then fight with his mistress! On one feeling of guilt and conscience of her husband, it is extremely difficult to defeat his infidelity! Because the mistresses, from year to year, are getting smarter and more psychologically savvy. They know how to tell a man what will lull his conscience and responsibility for his wife and children. Therefore, consider the data of my statistics: after getting married, do not reduce your female attractiveness, but only strengthen it! Only then will everything in your family be good.

Andrey Zberovsky, psychologist