2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It's such an age !!! A difficult age!!! Teenage years!!!! It's just a nightmare - you have to survive !!!! At this age, they are simply insane !!! So I want to protect these guys, who are in such a difficult period of their lives.
Very often, parents forget what it is like to be a teenager
How difficult it is to find a common language with parents, how hard it is to defend your point of view and have the right to your own opinion, how difficult it is to be both a child and an adult at the same time (after all, this is what this transitional age is about !!!).
What happens in a teenager's body?
At 12 - 15 years old, pubertal growth occurs, when everything grows, except for the nervous system. Rather, it is also growing, but not so fast. The nervous system simply does not keep pace with the rate of growth and "maturation" of the rest of the organism.
Hence the well-known clumsiness, emotional instability, excessive excitability and, at the same time, rapid fatigability of adolescents. And yet - a "sharply" grown up child often "does not recognize" himself in the mirror and "does not accept" his still unusual image in the mirror. Based on all this, these yesterday's children do not have control of their emotional state, during the day their mood can change for no apparent reason many times. This is the so-called complete imbalance of the body. During this period, a teenager often asks such a seemingly simple question - "What am I?"
And for us, adults, it is important at this moment not to interfere, not to prohibit, not to devalue their attempts to identify themselves, to search for themselves and their place.
In the minds of teenagers there are myths that no one understands them, that they want to harm them, that everyone constantly wants something from them. They often share their myths with each other and find in this a resource for creating new myths. And do not think that an adult and / or parental is all for your good! I know better how to do it! etc. eradicate any myths from the head of a teenager. Rather, on the contrary, it will only strengthen them.
In addition to the joy of puberty growth, adolescents "meet" face to face with puberty. They are overwhelmed by thoughts of love, not achievements! What are the accomplishments?!? What are you trying to convince your child of, how do you motivate, what example do you set?
The idea that studying, training … is necessary for a successful future life, career …
Huh! What for?! There, on the street, Katka, Petka is waiting … and there is everything that is dear now!
Adopt a wait and see tactic! Be careful and careful in your actions and words! Nowadays it is very easy to hurt a teenager, to become his "enemy", not to see something important !!
This age is like a point in the coordinate system where the lines of adulthood and childhood converged. A teenager is as if between two worlds and, at the same time, in both of them. He denies his childishness with all his might! The world of adults attracts him with its freedom and seeming permissiveness, but duties frighten him and he does not want to become “grown up”. He is possessed by conflicting feelings - he does not want to go to either of the worlds, and wants to both! And again - Wait! and Support! and Accept!
What should be considered when working with teenagers?
1. Show that you are not a parent. You can be on the side of the teenager or be a "third" party, but you should not be "with" or "for" the parent. Build trust, this is the foundation on which you will build good work later.
2. Listen to your teenager. Show that you care about his difficulties! Do not shrug off the fact that all his experiences and problems are nonsense compared to adult life, your problems or something else more important and urgent.
3. Show your teen that privacy is not just a word! Let him understand that you are not revealing his secrets or violating his boundaries.
4. Unfortunately, very often the therapist meets with the parent's dissatisfaction, the result is not so fast, the secrecy of what is happening during the session, and sometimes jealousy - my child is more drawn not to me, but to the therapist … unpleasant or even conflict situations may arise …And here it would be good to understand the difference between a relationship with a parent and a relationship with a teenager. But at the same time, try not to be in confrontation with the parent !!!!
5. It is very important to teach parents to see the progress of the child, his best sides, and not only his failures and "shortcomings". Don't forget to praise! And teach yourself to praise yourself!
What questions do parents ask?
They are all very similar -
- He does not strive for anything and does not think about the future! (By the way, not a fact! Perhaps he does not think about "your" his future and does not strive for your goals)
- He looks strange (each generation of parents opposes the subcultures of each generation of adolescents. But belonging to any group is not yet an indicator of a "lost" child)
- His behavior is disgusting! He doesn't listen to me! Argues with me! Is rude! (How do you communicate? Do you hear your son or daughter? What example are you setting for her? Are her opinions and thoughts important to you? Does he or she have experiences and do they have the opportunity to share it with you?
- He doesn't want to tell me anything! (Think about what and how you broadcast to your teenager. Perhaps he sees how you deal with other people's secrets and / or his own; how you react to his actions and thoughts, how important is his opinion to you, his needs and how often you find time for dialogue with him)
The behavior of a teenager is a reflection of his family relationships in the first place, and the physiology of this difficult period only reinforces all the pitfalls.
And no longer in order to defend or say a word in support of adolescents, but rather to draw attention to those beautiful features that they are inherent in contrast to adults:
1. Such a sincere merger with a group will never again be possible. There is no need for any team building trainings, it is at this age - “ lifelong friend" and " friend in need"! Adults forget about this and often do not maintain such a sincere and important relationship for their children.
2. Teens enthusiastic to defend their beliefs, they "burn" and are ready to prove their case no matter what it takes. In this case, is it worth it to bend your line of a wise adult and stubbornly prove to your child that he is wrong? All the same, he will learn from his mistakes, and it will only depend on you how he will go through them, whether he will see support in you and whether he will feel the strength to go further.
3. Teens are faithful and self-sacrificing … Show them the importance of these feelings, show by your example those things and deeds where it is worth directing them.
4. The ability to create! Have you noticed that young children love and know how to fantasize, you are sure that they can sing, dance, draw! They love and want to create something! In adolescence, it is very easy to injure a child, undermine his confidence, saying that all his efforts are inappropriate, that “nature is resting” on him, that all this is stupid, and ugly, and uninteresting and interferes! Do not interfere with your children to create, but better - create with them!
5. They are adventurous, they love risk! What is good here? Teenagers are not afraid to experiment and try something new, they get tremendous experience that they can use in the future, they do not "get stuck in the comfort zone" and in this they are happier than many adults who, with their "I know how to live", do not live properly.
6. Teenagers learn to build relationships, attachments … Your family is the first and sometimes the only example of a relationship - never forget about it!
7. Sense of justice! Do not scold or punish your children for what you do yourself. And the fact that you are an adult And you can - will not benefit your relationship. Just if you really want to teach your child something, teach by example!
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