2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the modern world, a situation is quite common when people increase their material and, accordingly, social status, but their environment does not have time to change (for example, bloggers or people who have written down their success stories and become famous personalities often face some envy friends and relatives, regardless of the fact that they have achieved everything solely by their perseverance, perseverance and work). As a result, they have to deal with a lot of envy, which can manifest itself quite aggressively. How to deal with such situations on your own?
First, let's remember the signs of envy:
- friends abruptly begin to stand aside and complain more about life;
- there are unreasonable outbursts of aggression (people are angry that they cannot afford something, unlike others);
- all remarks are made in a caustic and venomous tone, as a result, the person feels guilty before the envious person.
Why is it so hard to deal with jealousy? It's all about the feelings experienced (fear, guilt and shame), which are quite difficult to overcome on your own. How does fear manifest? In the mentality of the people of the post-Soviet space, there is an outdated and stereotypical thinking that if they envy you, nothing will work out - problems will surely arise, sooner or later they will jinx it, cause damage, etc. It is important to understand here that in reality such fear has no basis - no one can do anything with the power of thought. In addition, you need to clearly understand that it is not someone else's envy that destroys success, but the person himself, because of guilt, shame and awkwardness next to others, destroys his achievements.
What about feelings of guilt? Any awareness of guilt requires punishment by default. Thus, if we are guilty, then we expect that we will be put in a corner, subjected to physical punishment, pounced and mercilessly scolded - that is, punished in any way. That is why, being in the company of other people who have achieved less or have not advanced anywhere in life, and sharing our success story with them, we always feel guilty (“I’m more fortunate in my life! How can I help him? ! ).
The last factor that prevents us from coping with envy is a pathological feeling of shame and awkwardness ("I am the same person as he is! Why did I get everything, but he got nothing? No, I am clearly not worthy of these successes!"). As a result, a person is constantly tormented by the global injustice of the world, this feeling psychologically puts pressure on his subconscious and makes him feel bad in relation to other people.
So how can you get out of this situation?
Above all, don't let others devalue you. When a person is ashamed or blames himself for achievements, he thinks that he is not worthy of success and got everything just like that. Stop and ask yourself - did you really do nothing and just lay on the couch, and luck itself suddenly fell on your head?
Of course, it also happens - in the case of inheritance or the lottery. However, in such situations, people simply cannot cope with the oppressive feelings of guilt and shame (they got everything, while others did not get anything!) And, as a rule, quickly spend the money they receive.
In psychology, there is the concept of “survivor's guilt” - under normal circumstances it is a rather rare phenomenon, but in the conditions of life in post-Soviet countries it is found everywhere (“I have everything, but he has nothing! How can I live with this feeling? And how do others live with it? further? ). Indeed, it is quite difficult to live with a feeling of guilt, but you should not allow yourself to be depreciated!
Each person who has achieved success in life has shown remarkable resilience, worked on himself, read and analyzed a lot of information. There may be a slightly different situation (very rarely) - a person constantly visualized, and at one point someone next to him offered to implement a gorgeous idea.
People without a focus on success will always reject such an offer, being afraid to take responsibility and take the initiative. Strong personalities will agree, spend a lot of energy, effort, time and attention on studying a new field of activity, endure a lot of suffering and cope with psychological pain. That is why one cannot devalue oneself and one's efforts; one must be proud of what has been achieved. Perhaps there are still a myriad of steps and steps ahead and you need to climb high, but the path traveled was also not easy and you should directly say to yourself "Well done!" and fully feel the pride inside. If others are trying to nullify all your successes ("Yes, you were just lucky in life!"), This does not mean at all that a person needs to aggressively prove the opposite. The most important thing is to consider yourself worthy of your success, then you can calmly respond to all hostile attacks ("Yes, I was really lucky, because I put in a lot of effort!").
Paradoxically, if a person does not have persistent confidence in his dignity, only envious people will surround him. The opposite situation is also possible - people are not so much envious as a person sees envy of himself in every word and deed (a worm gnaws him from the inside, because someone threw up the idea of the project, so there is no reason to be proud of their achievements). In this case, a person is a projection - he pesters himself with reproaches through others.
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