2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Passing the hairdresser, Evgenia remembered that she wanted to sign up for a haircut. Did she calculate how much it would cost as she walked? For how long can she sign up to the master?
Making a plan called "A woman should be beautiful" Evgenia did not notice how she began to bargain with herself. She reasoned how important it was for her to have a beautiful hairstyle or add this money to shoes for a child.
“Do you have extra money for this? Where can you find the time if you spend all day at work? And how much do you need a hairstyle !? " - Evgenia asked herself questions. Often common sense interfered with the plans, with which she weighed what to do about herself and loved ones. "It is better to buy shoes for a child, and the hairstyle will wait!" - Evgenia decided.
How could she forget about the younger one? Feeling guilty, she thanked her common sense, which reminded of more important matters than her appearance.
But self-esteem did not give rest: “I am a woman and I must be beautiful! Here is Valya, a neighbor, and a manicure and pedicure, and what am I worse than her? No, I'm going to get my hair done, and my husband will give me for shoes. And the fact that I stop myself? As if I have no right to hairstyle and other female pleasures. I do everything for someone, but now I will worry about myself."
Once, Evgenia wanted to go to study, hoping that with a higher education she could get one job with a good salary. Freeing up time for family and rest. Than to plow for three from morning to evening and still save on yourself.
However, common sense stopped her, advising that it is better for the eldest son to postpone his studies. And it will cost. The voice of Evgenia's "common sense" reminded someone. She still could not determine where she heard him? As she suddenly realized - that her mother reasoned in the same way, who did more for others than for herself.
And she also brought up Evgenia: “How could you forget to take your brother from the kindergarten !? You think all about your dancing, but can you help your mother? " or "Yonder father came home from work, she could have warmed up dinner, instead of sitting and drawing!" There were many things she didn't remember. But the mother's upbringing was well-etched. And she conscientiously uses it, as a good daughter should be, in her life.
In a relationship with her husband, a similar situation occurred, like her mother and father. Evgenia wanted to talk to him about the rest. We haven't traveled for a long time. But he will look at him in the evening when he comes home from work, and stops himself with the question: "Why bother him?" She recalls how her mother tried to talk to her father about everyday life, and he replied that he was tired and she, apologizing, did not ask any more questions. So she, worried that her husband was tired, put off the conversation for the next time. And this continues for the third year.
“Why am I so worried about this vacation? But I'm not for myself. I want to talk about family vacations. And I feel as if I only care about myself. It's strange, everything is like in the parental home … - Evgenia reasoned. - Stopping myself in my desires, I preserve family rules and traditions. So I will pass it on to my children, and they to their …
For that, I know how it is happening now. As will be tomorrow, approximately of course, but still more confidence in this. I don’t know what will happen if I go to study, do my hair, talk to my husband about rest and other pressing issues. And so everything is known.
The truth is there is something - I never know if I don't. What should I do? I’ll pretend that I didn’t think about it. I will try to save myself by deceiving myself. Interestingly, it will work out?"
At that moment, Evgenia remembered that she wanted to cook meat for dinner and headed towards the store. Now she was already thinking about the family …
From SW. gestalt therapist Dmitry Lenngren
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