2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Lyubov Ivanovna walked a distance to look at the finished work.
“Well, I have completed another picture,” she thought, “how much did I work on it? Month? Two? I do not remember. But it turned out to be a wonderful landscape. Who should you give it to? She has already gifted all her relatives with her works. Probably a neighbor. He said that he liked what I was writing. Relatives are advised to sell paintings. Nice idea, but I want to give.
They say that paintings are the soul of a person. And I want to keep myself in my works. I would like to be remembered a little longer. Live after death in the pictures that I painted.
Time … I'm over 60 and what am I leaving behind? Real estate? This will eventually be forgotten. Once I wanted to write, paint, and only now the time has appeared. How many pictures have you already written? There are ten for sure. Even if they are taken down to the attic, there is a chance that the future generation will find it. They say that the pictures are good, so why should they gather dust in the attic?
Yes, I thought there would never be time for painting. That I will not have time to do the desired thing. I’ll die and do not have time to work with a brush. Write at least one picture.
Death is not predictable. The meeting can take place at any moment, and I don't have time to postpone - “in half an hour”, “wait until tomorrow”, “next year”, “in a couple of years” …
Then, I postponed, casually neglecting my dreams. Thinking that life is endless, that I will have time to start later.
When a friend died, who was not forty years old, and she had many plans. They remained “plans”. Then I thought: "Will I have time to do what I put off all the time?" She had one expression, and I use it now. I hear how my environment, people who did not know her, sometimes use it. This is how she continues to live. It turned out that I was greedy for life and wanted to leave something behind. Except for the tombstone.
I decided to write my "phrase" - pictures. That will hang on the wall, or maybe not. I want to leave a mark. Own imprint, unique among others on the road of life.
It can be deep. So that it will remain and the passage of time will not wash it away. Many or only loved ones will see him. Depends on what kind of print remains. Will the next generations remember who it belongs to, so that it can be passed on to the rest, telling whose it is.
Some people are unaware of their origins and family histories. Due to their lack of determination or prohibition on this knowledge. Although traces remain, they do not want to see them. Considering that this does not affect life and the next generations. Family secrets, secrets, not voiced stories about deceased relatives, whose names are not called, but who continue to live and be among the living.
But I want to be talked about and remembered when looking at my paintings. Which I started writing when I was over sixty, and I was left alone. The children had their own children …
Did they really interfere with me? It's scary to think about that. No, I got in my way. Maybe if I showed by personal example how important it is to relate to their dreams, which no one else realizes except me, they would somehow treat their own in a different way?
Now this cannot be verified. Then I did something else, important at that time. And now I am doing what is important at the moment. I wish in this way to extend my life after death. It gives calmness. I will write as long as possible.
What else did I put off then, what did I not do, what can I do now? - thought Lyubov Ivanovna, sitting comfortably in her favorite chair.
From SW. gestalt therapist Dmitry Lenngren
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