Find Out The Secret Of Your Conflicts In The Family

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

All couples swear and this is some norm in a relationship.

And what are the reasons for discontent, grievances, claims and scandals? And most importantly, how to live without them?

I shot a video on this theme from which you can find out the main 3 causes of conflicts.

And whoever likes to read, read.

First it is important to understand that conflicts are inevitable. This is a given. Because we are two different people with different worldview, upbringing, needs and outlook on life.

You chose this person for their dissimilarity. Since we choose! On the basis of attraction and sex drive. This choice is made by our hormones, not worldviews and, accordingly, this is most likely a person with opposite character traits and an opposite psyche, unless of course you are a lover of same-sex love.

But in this case, all the same, hormones choose the opposite. And there are two options, you will learn to negotiate or you will prove that your worldview and your choice and your habits are better than the habits of your partner.

1. Reason for quarrels # 1 We are different

Women and men have different strategies for dealing with contradictions and conflicts.

This follows from the peculiarities of our psyche. Men tend to seek justice - this is genetically inherent in them. And in the family, they adhere to the same strategy. Men tend to achieve goals, to act, and for this they release adrenaline, which gives aggression to fight for their place under the sun.

A man in whom there is strength, there is aggression, there is determination, there is firmness, there is confidence, there is the ability to have an opinion and take a position - an attractive man. And the same qualities that allow you to earn status, make a career, be attractive are manifested in the family and bring destruction of peace, tranquility and harmony.

A woman, in her turn, appreciates justice much less, closeness, harmony and compatibility and sensuality are important to her. But a woman rarely chooses such men.

Therefore, a man has his own point of view, and a woman, even if this point of view is not convenient, she accepts it, does not always understand and knows what she wants, it is important for a woman to relax.

Rather, she feels that the solution that is being offered to her does not suit her, but she does not know how to do it.

And the woman's strategy is patience.

2 Reason the fact that a woman starts a quarrel out of the blue in the most unexpected moments is PATIENCE. those. at the beginning, emotions accumulate, and then there is no way to restrain them and they spill out with a force that does not fit the given case, not specifically and for all at once.

For a man, this is not clear, not correct, it is not clear how to change something, and he enters a state of defense and protection and the search for justice.

3 reason, which I want to highlight today is the overestimated expectations from the partner.

There are desires for the partner to guess, understand desires, and tune in so that he can almost read minds. But it was not there.

We expect that the partner will give us attention, study us, we long to be seen and realized, we wait for the right surprises, and this egoist and egoist thinks only of himself. We expect that a man knows how much we need his attention, but comes tired from work and demands some sort of order in the house, and I also came home from work.

The man makes a surprise, offers to go to a cafe and does not understand that I have to get up early tomorrow and take the children to the kindergarten

And this list of claims can be dragged on endlessly. Those. we all begin to do for each other in the wrong way and at the wrong time. Although at the beginning of the relationship it was all the same and during and it was possible to meet at 12 o'clock at night and walk until three in the morning and look at the stars. And there was enough attention.

Yes, our hormones work in such a way that at first a sufficient amount of happiness hormones are released and it is they that create attention and interest in a partner, and then other processes take place and become important. After all, if you have already eaten, then you will not sit down to re-breakfast or lunch.

Accordingly, satisfaction in sexual needs into account leads to the fact that something else becomes important.

And different people have different hunger, different needs for attention from the other partner, and this largely depends on psychological maturity and the ability to satisfy themselves on their own, not to remain hungry.

And so this is certainly not all the causes of conflicts, because a whole dissertation can be written on this topic.

But these are the main monsters that destroy relationships. And every monster or cause of conflict needs its own antidote.

Next, I'll tell you how to deal with each of the reasons

The antidote to difference is simply accepting this fact. This is the level of attitudes and understanding. Interest in difference, not rejection of difference, cognition of difference, and not criticism, is what will make you happy.

The pair should be: we are together and the zone of my personal space. If there is no difference, there is no attraction.

Therefore, time separately allows you to feel your desires, interests, independence, develop and then again and again share this with your partner. Love the difference is the glue in a long-term relationship. By changing your attitude to your difference, you will stop swearing, but simply start doing what you like together and allow your partner to still have their own space from which to draw interest.

1. The reason is patience. This is more about female responsibility, although if a man suffers, then about him.

Understand your feelings, understand your desires, learn to tell your partner about what you like and not, not agree to what is not suitable. I am talking about this very briefly now, and this is a big topic with an understanding of ourselves, we understand our values and work with our boundaries.

2. High expectations.

It is difficult not to have high expectations, because they are rooted in our subconscious needs and we really want to be satisfied with our partner.

But the partner rarely succeeds, because this is about the mechanisms of maturation of our psyche. And there is no escape from these expectations.

Accept that a partner cannot replace parents, even though he is a close person.

Seeks to see their expectations and needs and to fulfill them from different sources.

For example, the need for contact can be fulfilled through your passion for massage or meditation or bodily practices.

Lack of attention can be satisfied by immersing attention in oneself through relaxation and relaxation.

A partner is not a donor or a source of warmth and love!

This is a very deep topic, the topic of conflicts. The situation is rooted in childhood, where the main task of the parents was to maintain security, health, dressed and shod, but the feelings and emotions of the child and the skills of communication and expression of their feelings were not obtained. The main pattern of getting what you want is resentment and this is transferred to the family. To prove that the other is more to blame and must admit and become comfortable, search for the guilty and fight for justice. These are inevitable patterns of behavior when there is no recognition of our difference and our right to absolutely different worldviews and choices.

If we learn to see and understand our feelings, to talk about them with a partner, then the situation changes radically.

How to learn to understand your feelings, keep a conflict diary and write down your quarrels in it and how you really feel.

For identification, use the table of feelings, print it out and write down your feelings in each situation.

Having learned to understand your feelings, you need to talk about them without pretensions with your partner.