Coping With The Anxiety Of Elderly Relatives During Self-isolation With Coronavirus. Psychologist's Advice

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Deal with anxiety in elderly relatives. According to various expert estimates, approximately every fifth Russian family lives in the same territory with another family: their parents, families of siblings, grandparents, etc.

These families are usually classified into six groups:

• 1. Low-income young families who are unable to purchase their own housing, and therefore huddle on the living space of their parents.
• 2. Very wealthy families that have huge apartments or houses where their parents or children are quite comfortable.
• 3. Families with children with serious illnesses or disabilities who need adult care, and these functions are entrusted to grandparents.
• 4. Families where the condition of elderly parents or other relatives does not allow them to live independently.
• 5. Families that belong to those national or religious groups where traditions prescribe the coexistence of several generations of families.
• 6. Families who are temporarily living with their parents, children or other relatives, in anticipation of moving to another region; selling, purchasing or receiving own housing, carrying out repairs in it, etc.;

30 million Russians live stably in conditions where there are two or three families of relatives on the same living space.

In a number of cases, this is even not bad, since it is this form of coexistence that best solves the problems that people face. However, it is quite obvious:

Systematic cohabitation of several families

on one living space can create different

not only everyday, but also psychological problems.

A conversation on this topic is all the more relevant, since at present, a seventh, temporary group has appeared:

7. Families who temporarily live with their parents, children or other relatives during the period of self-isolation from the coronavirus. According to various estimates, there are now from three to five million such "displaced persons" in Russia, but in reality - "self-displaced persons" in Russia. In any case, about a million or two families

During the period of self-isolation from the coronavirus, about two million

Russian families for the first time received the experience of long-term

living together with the families of their relatives.

Moreover, it can be assumed that this experience is not always positive. Since, differences in the type of culture "city-village", social, financial and age status, household traditions, etc., affect. Plus, the specificity of the urban group is that these people do not have developed skills for long-term communication in closed spaces. It is not surprising that among these newly-made roommates, quarrels and resentments often become a constant and unpleasant companion.

Self-isolation for coronavirus turned out to be a childish test for adults! And in many families, family ties find themselves under strong psycho-emotional overloads, "spark" like closing electrical wires … Cope with the anxiety of elderly relatives becomes more and more difficult.

Hence, a reasonable question: what universal advice can be given both to those families that for the first time in their practice live on the same living space with the families of relatives, and to those for whom this is a familiar state. Taking into account the fact that the comfort of the latter has noticeably decreased due to the fact that the psychological "outlet" in the form of the opportunity to go to work or at least for a walk has temporarily disappeared.

It is worth recalling the "three whales" of such advice that sound everywhere:

- It is important to show and prove the mutual benefit for all participants in the common living. Financial, labor, household, medical, psychological, pedagogical, entertainment, etc.

- Since older people are a little children, it is important to find common games or interesting activities for all participants in the common living. (cards, lotto, board games, quizzes, crosswords, anecdotes, general walks, sports, etc.)

- Living with relatives and having your own income, you cannot save on loved ones, you cannot live only at their expense. It is important and necessary to regularly pamper them with delicious delicacies and small, but pleasant gifts.

However, there are at least ten other useful tips to reduce the number of conflicts when two or more families live together. Here they are:

10 tips to help your family stay together and deal with anxiety:

1. Remember the general positive, keep silent about the general negative, put up in time!The history of communication between people, even the closest relatives, always keeps not only pleasant, but also unpleasant moments - resentment, betrayal, misunderstanding, etc. Living together, it is important to either completely eliminate past mutual claims, or play them in the right way, saying to each other: “Once we had certain difficulties, but time has shown that with all this, we are really close people who can rely on each other! It's so good that we have each other! Otherwise, the bad things in the past can ruin your future.

In addition, it is important to follow a simple rule:

Fast reconciliation is not only the basis of psychological comfort

of all parties to the conflict, but also the exclusion of conditions for new quarrels!

This is especially important to understand for younger, psychologically balanced members of a kindred collective.

It is not a shame to concede to elderly relatives, it is a shame not to concede!

2. Adhere to a routine that is comfortable for older family members. Younger family members are obliged to take into account the rhythm of life that is convenient for the older ones. We are talking about the time of waking up in the morning, cleaning the apartment, going out to the store for a walk, using the bathroom, watching TV, returning home, going to bed, etc. Minimization of purely everyday contradictions is the basis for psychological comfort where there are several families at the same time.

Synchronizing and reconciling the lives of several adults is a prerequisite for their peaceful cooperation.

3. Try to have breakfast, lunch and dinner together. One of the common problems of family coexistence is the sprawl of their family members with plates, each in its own corner. Elderly family members perceive this as selfishness and unsanitary conditions, which in many ways is correct. Meanwhile:

Sharing meals by members of all families living together

creates an ideal "negotiation platform" for communication.

Especially if you take into account the food addictions of all relatives, pamper them with your favorite food and delicacies. Therefore, a common meal can and should be used to foster a sense of unity among relatives.

4. Allow the hostess of the living space to feel like the boss in the kitchen. Observations show:

The initiator and the main speaker of domestic conflicts, usually, are women who share the status of the "queen of the kitchen". Therefore, you need to immediately and without a fight give this status to the hostess of the living space, clearly define this rule of the game for all participants in a joint family hostel.

5. If possible, exclude alcohol. Unfortunately, the lion's share of conflicts between relatives occurs on the basis of (joint or separate) drinking of alcoholic beverages. Among those animals that can live in an apartment, the content of "alcoholic squirrels" should be completely excluded!

Therefore, if among the relatives living together there are those who sin with drinking and drunken fights, it is important to try to completely eliminate, or at least minimize, drinking.

6. Eliminate conflicts due to the interpretation of information in the issues of "Novosti". When people who have a large difference in age, educational level (etc.) live together, this logically leads to the fact that, receiving the same data, they comprehend them and, accordingly, they react differently. Realizing this, while watching Novosti issues, it is important not to get into arguments with representatives of the older generation! Somewhere even to agree with them, even within oneself even having a completely different point of view from them. Peace among relatives is much more important than assessing the situation overseas!

7. Make your work and lifestyle understandable for older family members. One of the most common problems of the common living of several families is the lack of understanding by the representatives of the older generation of the specifics of the work of the younger ones. That can cause dismissive assessments of their education, activities and even personality. Which, in turn, can provoke resentment and conflict. The solution lies in choosing the right examples and analogies that allow older family members to respect the work and life of young people.

Comprehensibility of the profession of young family members is an important element of the system of mutual respect between representatives of generations of relatives.

8. Respect for the work and personal background of older family members … It has long been known:

Warm relations between people are always a consequence of their respect for each other, based on an analysis of the facts of their biography and the success of joint activities to achieve common goals.

But since elderly relatives can no longer always be active based on their state of health, it is important to form respect for them on the part of children with correct stories about the past of grandparents, uncles and aunts on the part of parents (representatives of the middle generation). It is also very important that mothers and fathers themselves involve their children in such questions of grandparents about their past lives that will increase respect for them. This will not only improve the self-esteem and mood of elderly relatives, and increase their tolerance for the pranks of young people, but also create the right pedagogical atmosphere in the family!

9. Do not have long and loud conversations on the phone! Surveys conducted by psychologists in various countries show that loud phone conversations conducted by their younger relatives are a particularly strong irritant for older people. And also constant sounds of SMS and other messages coming to phones. And this despite the fact that older people themselves are more prone to such protracted and loud conversations! Nevertheless, it is important to take into account this peculiarity of the psychology of the elderly, associated with the fact that their brain can no longer concentrate on someone else's dialogue for a long time, which begins to cause irritation and provoke quarrels.

10. Help elderly relatives to master gadgets and Internet resources. When living together, it is important to raise the status and authority of all members of the family's dormitory. The ideal option for this for young people is their knowledge and skills in using modern gadgets. Assistance in installing various useful programs for elderly people on mobile phones or computers, especially messengers with video calls, installing an online bank, and other useful applications is a direct way to harmonize relations in a large family.

If you take all this into account, you can be sure - both the self-isolation mode from the coronavirus and simply living together two or three generations of relatives can be made not only non-conflict, but also very comfortable, as well as deal with anxiety … Which is what I sincerely wish you.