Parental Guilt

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In general, the feeling of guilt in a relationship with a child (and not only with a child) is a good indicator of the liveliness of contact, the fact that you, as a parent, have an awareness of your own imperfection, which means there is an opportunity to correct what you have missed.

But there are stories of unhealthy guilt feelings. In today's world, where there is so much orientation towards parental responsibility for the future of the child, the following information may make sense.

There is guilt where there is a sense of responsibility and in the story of parenting there is a lot of this responsibility for the life, health and well-being of the child. It is important to understand that the other person, especially the child, is a rather complex system and it is impossible to 100% understand the needs of the other.

You are, first of all, a living person, and a living person makes mistakes. And when you are absorbed in your own ideality, you lose contact with your living nature; moreover, you impose on others the same expectations of unattainable perfection. The result of raising an ideal mother is a perfectionist and neurotic child.

It is important to understand about wine whether it is real or neurotic.

When I am really guilty, I can correct this guilt:

✔️I can at least admit her

✔️ I can ask forgiveness for her, ✔️I can redeem her somehow, ✔️ as a last resort, take into the experience i.e. accept that "yes, I was mistaken, I accept this mistake of mine and I will try to prevent this next time - this is my experience"

Neurotic guilt takes place exactly where the parents did not know how to be alive in relation to the feeling of guilt, did not know how to afford or accept this feeling. Often neurotic guilt appears in those who were brought up in an authoritarian family, where there was a clearly established rule that the parent is always right, or where the child was assigned too much responsibility for his psyche (or the child took it upon himself, for example, parents swear because of me).

It is important to understand the limits of your responsibility 👉 I cannot be responsible for everything and I cannot be guilty of everything.

Another reason for neurotic guilt: I "should (should)" and when suddenly I can’t or don’t want, then 👉 I am guilty.

There is also guilt where there is a feeling of uncertainty 👉 uncertainty that you know how to correctly: how to say correctly, explain, educate, and much more. This point became especially relevant for me when I faced contradictions in different approaches to raising a child, for example, my parents adhered to fundamentally different rules in upbringing than those that I now choose. Young mothers are especially familiar with a similar feeling of neurotic guilt, to whom "good" advisers tell them every now and then what she is doing wrong.

At this point, I want to support young mothers: you are the best mother for your child and your motherly nature knows the answers to what is needed and good for your baby better than anyone else.

There is a sense of guilt that will sooner be understood by the older generation of parents. This is the fault of who I could not become, who I could not be. In parenting stories, this is often a wasted time with a child in favor of work and achievement, a lack of knowledge and experience at a time when it was important.

It is important to understand here that at that moment you have chosen the only correct and possible solution for you.

Why is the topic of guilt important? Why is it important to be aware of and handle your feelings of guilt?

Because when there is a lot of guilt, we are overflowing with it, and when we are overflowing with something, we begin to spill this content around. When parental guilt becomes too much, a desire to get rid of it arises, and then the parent begins to blame his children or others, begins to condemn and transfer his excessive responsibility to others.

Exit?

Understand that you are a living person and mistakes are inevitable! ❗️

There are things that you can fix, and there are things that need to be taken as an experience, and there are also things over which you have no control.

I wish you wisdom in order to distinguish one from the other, I am sure that you will succeed!