2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Unfortunately, no one taught us in kindergarten, school, or institute what it means to be parents. Most of us played in childhood in "mothers and daughters", "family", but it is unlikely that one of the parents or educators stood by and analyzed our behavior, paying attention to such important aspects as building communication between children in accordance with roles in the game. In the civilized world, educators and psychologists certainly pay attention to this. An analysis of such children's games as “our family”, “mothers and daughters”, etc. is able to shed light on the current situation in the child's family, problems in dealing with children and relations between parents, and show latent aggression against one of the family members, possible siblings or vice versa - to reflect equality in the child's family structure, fair attitude, care, love, which he will definitely transfer to toy objects in the game: dolls, dolls, soft toys, etc. Play analysis can bring to the surface a child's problems that the parents did not even know about. And not only this. However, games, problems, etc. are all later, but why wait for the time to work on errors, if most of them can be avoided by taking care of it in advance.
Read the answers to the questions “What you need to know before becoming a parent” and “What you need to do in the first months of your baby's life” in this article.
Expected reception or place for the child in the family
Do you know what it means to correctly wait for the birth of a child? Most often, parents answer this question "of course", and then a whole step-by-step instruction follows (somewhere once read) that during the period
pregnancy, you need to listen to classical music, go to exhibitions, look at everything beautiful, get positive emotions …. All this really would not be superfluous, but expecting a baby is more than performing special exercises.
Before a child actually appears in your family, first give him the opportunity to appear in your imagination. Before preparing a stroller, crib, etc., prepare your child a place in your heart and in the image of your family. And now, now, he has a place to come. Thus, you unconsciously endow your future baby with a goal. And when a person has a goal, then a tailwind is provided for him, despite the various difficulties that may arise in his path.
The whole gamut of feelings
Another of the myths that need to be destroyed is that during pregnancy, a woman should remain completely calm, not be irritated and not allow negative emotions to manifest. But, here's the question: “And what to do with all this? Where to put, how to hide? Is it really possible to believe that for 9 months of her pregnancy a woman will never get angry or nervous.
If a pregnant woman is called upon to suppress all the emerging negativity in herself, not to take it out, then it will be quite natural that all this will go to your child, who is also literally in you. So think, who are you kidding by making yourself a happy woman 24/7?
You have to be honest with yourself and as long as your child is a part of you, you cannot ignore him, hiding real feelings and experiences. A person is so arranged that he always balances between "good and bad", therefore, being "in a position, a woman" is strictly forbidden to wishful thinking. The child is a part of you and he knows as well as you how you feel: whether you are angry, whether you love, whether you are happy, etc.
Mom is near
The birth of a child is always a particularly touching moment and at the same time, it is stressful for a child. He leaves his usual environment and comes into a world in which, in order to survive, one has to make efforts: if he is hungry, he needs to cry so that his mother would come and feed him; even to eat, you need to suckle at the breast, and not, as in the mother's womb, receive nourishment without making any effort; if something is sick, you need to shout, and later learn to walk, talk and use cutlery …
Therefore, as soon as the child is born, let him know that you are near. The possibility of tactile contact in the first minutes and hours of birth is our everything! This will lay in him the feeling that he is accepted into this world. By the way, these children are less likely to be observed in childhood, adolescence and then, in adulthood, skin diseases that are associated with the point of view of psychosomatics. with unrecognized and rejected.
Children are able to smell the mother, react to the sounds of her voice, and this helps not only to reduce stress in the child after birth, but also to quickly calm the baby down and quickly adapt to the new environment.
Warm motherly gaze
If only mothers knew how important their warm motherly gaze is for a child, how important it is for this gaze to be smiling, peering and acknowledging. How important it is that he is supported not only by the mother's receiving facial expressions, but also by her speech. The child perceives himself through the Other, i.e. mother. It is thanks to the range of signifiers that the mother uses in communicating with the child that he will be able to have a broader or, on the contrary, idea of himself. This applies to recognizing your name, your image in the mirror and yourself as someone (subject): son, grandson, etc.
Why should the gaze be warm? Because it is not for nothing that they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, and in the case of a child, it is the mirror of the soul of the most important person on the whole Earth for him - the mother. A warm look makes it possible for the child to form a special idea of himself with the special status of a little Narcissus, which at this stage is very good and useful.
Mother's gaze, anyone. kind and not very, is a harbinger of the formation of an unconscious body image that appears before the first experience of recognizing your body and yourself in the mirror. The maternal gaze is a pre-mirrored experience of self-discovery. And how this image will be: whole or split, good or idealized, beautiful or ugly depends on how the mother looks at the child, as she says to him: “This is your nose, this is your mouth, these are your eyes, these are your ears, these are your pens, etc. ", and then asks:" Where is your nose? Where is your mouth? "…
It is also worth noting the importance of personalization in such matters. Often parents say to the kid: "Where is our nose? …" But, you see, the kid and his mom or dad have more than one nose for two, like everything else!
The parent's task is to help the child to form his own individual unconscious body image, self-image as soon as possible, clearly outlining the boundaries of perception “this is me - this is not me”.
A parenting formula that can give your child a happy start in life is elementary:
"Give your child the right to individuality, recognize his right to self-expression, personal space and his own place in the family, love him, take care of him, listen to his desires."
As for your exaggerated demands on life, as well as your own unfulfilled dreams, then leave them to yourself. Your child has his own life path, which you will not be able to live for him, as, in fact, he is not obliged to repeat your fate, living your life for you.
Be healthy and happy!
Drawing "My family" by Kira Timchuk
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