2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Reflections on gifts. This year my dad bought the main gifts, and when he told me what he had purchased, I was somewhat skeptical about this, since they did not have a special, oh horror, practical significance. Well, of course, a gift for a child should be useful - either develop, or teach, or support the game (with which it is interesting to play) and the like, but all these "standing on the shelves" and similar things do not make sense.
An adult can look at some unused gift that "just stands" and remember an event, a person, plunge into pleasant memories, but why should a child?:)
but I didn't say anything out loud. well, bought and bought what now. Just in case, I bought one small "practically useful" gift.
And so, when the eldest child received a disco ball as a gift, I can say that for almost the first time I saw him so happy - he thanked us for an hour, hugged and danced with joy! It would seem, why does an 8-year-old boy need a disco ball that hangs on the ceiling and is not needed in everyday life? And so much joy!
The middle one also had a similar gift, which he instantly disassembled, after he was satiated with the view, and we realized, judging by his passion for disassembling toys, that we needed to give him mechanisms specifically for these purposes (he now enjoys spinning a mechanical dinosaur, back in good condition, which he found in the attic. And a couple of days earlier, we would have perceived it as spoiling toys).
what conclusions did I draw (both parental and professional):
- there is no amateur performance in the choice of gifts (which, of course, does not negate the surprise). It turns out that dad has long heard from children how they want such a disco ball. The elder even looked at the market, what is the price. But personally, I didn't take this idea seriously at all. And dad - quite. You need to trust him more:) me. Those. choosing a gift for children is also a joint action:)
- a gift is like a reinforcement of the preferred story of _the child himself, and not his parents_. If a child wants so much to disassemble toys now, then there is no need to spend "wild thousands" on a gift, and then be upset that he disassembled it into thousands of parts, and now it has one way - to the trash can.
- the gift should be in the "zone of proximal development", which can be determined by observing the child, but this does not mean a reference point on the age marking of the gift, but on the capabilities of the child himself. If it has outgrown it, it will cause boredom and will be thrown into a far corner, if it is too difficult, then the same thing, and, moreover, it can create a feeling of failure, and has every chance of being lost or "disassembled" before it becomes relevant …
- in psychology there is such a concept as "social emotion", when a person learns to react to something in a socially expected way: to express this or that emotion, if it is accepted, expected, or safe in a given culture or environment. Here you can draw a certain analogy - if you ask directly what the child wants as a gift, he can voice something that is expected of him, and not what he really wants. For example, Lyova passionately wanted this ball, but did not even ask for it, but talked about something familiar, which was usually - well, there is a Lego, for example, or a set of labyrinths that he likes. This does not mean that he does not need all this, but if we are talking about a gift that is designed to leave a vivid mark in the memory of a child, creating a feeling of a happy childhood, then it is important that it reflects the very, "primary", passionate desire of the child.
After all, behind this "passionate desire" there is some important and urgent need that "craves" for satisfaction. Parents can satisfy her, and let her family and friends give the rest;)
Happy New Year and Merry Christmas!
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