2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- What brings you to me? - asked the psychologist of the neurological dispensary.
- Well … - I winked smiling at my son. At the age of 9, he should already answer such questions himself and understand that it was not my "nothing to do" that brought us here, but his ugly behavior.
“At school, teachers complain that I’m behaving badly,” Elizar said, smiling and looking at me.
- I see mom this situation amuses? - said the psychologist.
- No, I just smile because he is in the hospital with a psychologist for the first time and I want to show that there is nothing terrible here.
We drove home in silence. In general, the meeting was quite positive, but the words of the psychologist did not give me rest. Do I encourage class disruptions? Ever since kindergarten, I have been teaching my son not to turn into a clown on duty, but to find friends through his skills, talents, interests, etc., I grabbed my heart, my world was destroyed. The more they laughed at him, the more he played the fool and there was no tool to influence it.
But by and large, my husband and I also often play the fool, tease each other, joke with our family, grimace … If we do this, why shouldn't he do it?
- You have experienced very serious pressure from the person closest to you, not everyone will be able to cope with such an abundance of childhood traumas. How did you manage to save yourself and not take up arms against the whole world? - I asked a client who became a victim of maternal tyranny as a child.
- I tried to translate everything into humor. Then it seemed to me not so scary and the situation itself turned out to be turned in a constructive direction.
- You have an unenviable position, you are always between two fires, how do you manage to level these conflicts?
- You know, at first I took everything to heart and was impressed, and then I realized that one good anecdote per topic is enough and everyone becomes open to dialogue.
Then I asked myself "what is wrong with this circus performance, why does it bother me so much?" The answer was simple. Knowing the peculiarities of my child, I was afraid that the glory of the "jester on duty" would be fixed for him. If you add up the senseless and merciless humor of children together with the peculiarities of development, we get the label of the very fool from whom you will not take anything, but in general you will not take it seriously. And then I just turned the situation in a different direction, I began to encourage humor in his life. We discuss what is better to joke with adults, what with children, when jokes can hurt, and when to cheer up, how to understand that now is not the time for humor and how to apologize if the joke fails, how clever jokes differ from stupid jokes and disgusting, etc., you cannot list everything, this is not a rule, the process occurs spontaneously.
Children began to reach out to him, old conflicts came to naught. Perhaps because he gives them the opportunity to relieve the stress of "taking fire on themselves", perhaps because it is just fun with him, and perhaps because with his laughter he levels the bullying of children for the fact that he is not like everyone else, and they feel the strength in it … And I thought, what if this is his talent? I don’t know time will tell. But today it looks like I'm still a good mom. The fact that others constantly blamed us as a disadvantage, we turned into our resource and thanks to everyone who pushed me to this.
I'm sure you can find similar stories in your life, and if not, then think here and now, how and what topic of "your guilt" can start becoming your resource tomorrow?
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