The Magic Of Solitude

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

Stuck in the race of modern life, we often complain that we do not have enough time “for ourselves”, but as soon as we are left alone with ourselves, we immediately begin to mope, get bored, or even slip into self-flagellation.

In Russian, there are two words for being in company with oneself. One of them - solitude - is positive. It describes a pastime that heals and rejuvenates.

The other, loneliness, is usually used to refer to the individual's sense of isolation from the outside world; characterizes the discomfort provoked by the inability to understand and share your feelings with another person; isolation from the world, inability to be understood; lack of life-giving connection with other people, necessary for a feeling of happiness.

Tragic studies with infants placed in sterile conditions, which also excluded the emotional involvement of parents, showed that in the absence of emotional care, a person dies (as happened later with all the young participants in this experiment). The health of the babies began to deteriorate for no apparent physical reason as early as 4 months after the start of the experiment. Half of the babies died. The study was immediately terminated.

Contrary to popular belief that food and water are essential for human survival, the ill-fated study found that human emotional needs are on par with physical needs. Not feeling a connection with other people, a person closes in himself and dies. Physical death occurs as a result of mental death. Physical touch is an important manifestation of emotional involvement. That is why the modern scale of technology, however convenient it may be, only contributes to the gap between people, turning into states of loneliness.

Solitude is healing, loneliness is not

You've probably heard that a healthy person needs to be alone with himself from time to time. Most of us are intimidated by this prospect. The ideal of the extrovert - successful, sociable - captures each of us. Today we live in a society where business thinking and a focus on success are the absolute prerequisites for a happy life. The word "solitude" is used less and less.

This is an amazing paradox. The child is instilled with the idea that he is independent, that he needs to look for solutions without relying on others, that he needs to take responsibility and think with his own head. And it's true - developing critical thinking is more important than ever in the era of aggressive marketing. But here's the catch: the need to rely on ourselves encourages us to view other people as secondary tools for achieving happiness, although deep down we understand that unity with another human being is simply necessary for us!

Intellectually, we force ourselves to seek happiness in ourselves without relying on others. But what do you order to do if nature pushes you to unite with others, since this unity is the key to a full life?

Trust deserves special attention. When communicating with another person, we are rarely open to ANY answer. Usually, when uttering our remark, we build it in such a way as to direct the interlocutor's response in a certain direction. The danger posed by other people makes it difficult to open your heart to another. All this leads to the fact that we become more and more confident in ourselves in the field of work, but few of us have the happiness of knowing love.

There are more and more theoreticians among us, but how few practitioners

You've probably heard that psychotherapists and spiritual masters advocate solitude. Logging, mindfulness, gratitude techniques, planning, and creativity all involve deep concentration and solitude.

There are many techniques that can teach a person to feel comfortable with themselves.

Solitude can be difficult because as soon as we hear the silence, uncomfortable thoughts immediately overwhelm us. Being with other people is valuable in that it distracts us from rendezvous with repressed parts of our personality. However, you need to remember that if you seriously decide to ennoble your own life, you need silence and solitude.

The only person whose company we cannot avoid is ourselves. Why not learn to be friends with this person? Find a common language with him?

Why is solitude so necessary for us?

• In solitude, we can figure out what we want in a comfortable environment. The influence of other people on our reading of their desires and interests is enormous. As much as we would like to convince ourselves that we are not suggestible, the points of view of other people have the ability to sharpen our worldview, even if we are not openly aware of it.

• We can devote ourselves to working with the inner child. Repressed emotions, not recognized by our parents in childhood and unrecognized by us now, cry out to us constantly. They seem to hug the doorsteps of our closed heart and ask to let them in! Imagine how creative we would be if we managed to make friends with our sadness, aggression, envy, anger and direct the released energy to achieve new, desired goals?
• In silence, it's easier to decide what to do next. Your mind needs a vacation! Allowing yourself to take a break from obsessive thoughts, you will find that intellectual work comes easier when you need to think to the point.

What to do when you are home alone? How to spend your hours of solitude profitably?

1. Learn to listen to your body. Our body is wise. Every cell of the body is intelligent. The body always tells us what is the best thing to do / eat / feel at the moment. Learn to trust yourself - this will help you in making decisions (I will tell you how to do this in my future publications).
2. Define your priorities and write them down. Set a goal to act on the most important of these priorities by the end of this month - and see what happens.
3. Work with affirmations. Mentally say affirmations that help you feel better when doing mechanical things, such as washing dishes or loading the washing machine.
4. Listen to music that matches your state of mind. The ability of music to take us to a wave of peace of mind is amazing! There are many examples of famous people who have been inspired by music to brilliant discoveries. Sometimes insight is a matter of one right song!
5. Ask yourself, "What would a person who loves himself do now?" Act in accordance with this answer! If the person who loves himself feels like it's time for him to hang out with his friends, do it!
6. Visualize your goals. We act indiscriminately for the reason that we are not aware of the purpose of our actions. Do not underestimate the understanding of "why"! Get in the habit of asking yourself what purpose you are really pursuing with each action. Conscious focus on your goal helps you achieve it faster, because your whole mind will concentrate on choosing situations and saying the words that will lead you to the desired result!

As you can see, solitude is an important resource state that can help us determine our true aspirations, paint life in bright colors and self-actualize. Be with yourself and love yourself! You are amazing, unique, beautiful!

Lilia Cardenas, integral psychologist, psychotherapist