2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The topic of depraved actions in relation to children is considered in our society very unambiguously. It does not allow opportunities for anything else other than disgust, condemnation, forbiddenness.
Rules and norms - they simultaneously protect us and deeply hurt us, putting us in a framework that sometimes does not fit the "size" and "shape" of our feelings.
- I want to clean up when I think about it. I feel dirty, obscene. He touched me, but that could not be done. I was a child.
- Now you feel dirty. When did you feel like this?
- Then I didn’t know that adults should not touch little girls like that. But later, when I compared the behavior of other adults next to me and what he did … Dad, grandfather treated me with respect already. They explained to me that the secret places should not be shown to boys, no matter how old they are.
- What did you feel when he touched you?
- Then I was pleasant and interesting. But this could not be done! How could he! I didn’t know then that it’s impossible with children! Now I hate to think about it.
A young woman who earnestly wants to love with all her heart, and not with her half, to trust her beloved not in words, but sincerely, truly - but as if she cannot let go of the door handle. She holds it constantly so that it does not open up to the end.
And one of the reasons for this is mistrust of oneself. It was pleasant and interesting for her. And the rules and norms state that in a situation of harassment of a child by an adult, there should be no positive feelings. Because it’s scary, because it’s terrible, because it’s unacceptable.
I will not discuss the correctness of the rules and regulations adopted by us. I will not argue with them. I just want us to learn to distinguish between our own impressions, feelings and sensations from those that are embedded in us under the heading "it should be."
Indeed, today, in order to trust her beloved husband, she had to plunge into the past and launder herself in the literal and figurative sense. Herself, who was only 6. Herself, who perceived the world as it was, felt herself, heard herself. Herself, who was then convinced that she felt wrong.
And today, an adult loving and beloved, she cannot open up to her husband, surrender to him and rely on him. She sees her sexual fantasies as dirty, unacceptable. She is afraid to even think about them - after all, then she will have to look in the mirror and see a dirty girl who wants the forbidden, the condemned. And she wants to be a good wife, a good mother, a good housewife.
Continuing the story about her today, I will write that she managed to forgive herself. She managed to find a place in herself at the same time for a good wife and mother, and for a depraved, dirty girl. And both of these roles get along well together, help each other, nourish and give each other strength.
And the expression "dirty girl" took on a taste of sweetness and attractiveness. He adds to the measured and boring, at first glance, life of a good mistress of risk, surprise and strength.
When we manage to see that the rules and norms of society, which seem to be universally accepted, may not coincide with our personal feelings, we open new boundaries of freedom for ourselves.
To feel, to feel differently does not mean to be bad. It means being different. This is strange, new, sometimes scary. But at the same time, allowing oneself to feel, opens up the opportunity to look beyond the boundaries of the familiar and find new opportunities for a free life and breathing deeply. Do not look around, do not expect condemnation or support from others, but simply feel and live.
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