Bad Good Girl

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the client's questions sounded like this: "I work as a teacher, but in my life I am the complete opposite. I am a straight bad teacher) What is it called. What is it?" The story is printed with the permission of the client.

So, on request, the topic is "BAD TEACHER". Or a bad good girl.

We are attracted by bright images, burning polarities. Because the brighter the manifestation, the more energy and charge there is. This piques curiosity.

For example, inside a girl is a nativity scene of debauchery, and she works as a teacher. Such a profession imposes a great responsibility: from pages on social networks to every word spoken to children who are so gullible and love everything bright))

At first it seems strange - having one polarity, realizing the other. But this allows each of them to live, at least to some extent. Although such a life creates a lot of background discomfort. As if you always have to choose - to look with your left eye, or with your right. And to look always one does not work, then one gets tired, then the other. It will be good when you manage to find a balance between the two extremes, to balance them. To do this, you need to understand the reasons and mechanisms.

Each polarity has its own purpose. To stop presenting something, to behave in some way will not work - the need will always "itch" that was satisfied in this usual way. And then, we go deep into ourselves)

Polarities are created in the process of development - by our loved ones, and by ourselves. We ourselves often load each polarity with some kind of assessment (good, bad, right, wrong), and some meanings. What does good mean? What does right mean? It is worth taking apart your own brain structures. Why is this good or bad for you? Why is this not possible or possible? What does it give you?

Or a child from childhood grows up in a complex system of relationships, where it will not work to remain whole. In order to digest the contradictions, uncertainty, stress level or unpredictability of parental behavior, the child needs to split himself into two parts. One part loves the parents, the other hates it. And also the image of a parent can be split - this is a good mother, a kind beloved, and this is an evil, terrible one. But these are two mothers in my head and two me, reacting differently. This is how the child learns to live in splitting and polarities. Polarities are inflated because cleavage is a way to adapt; in healthy, comfortable conditions it is not needed. And it has a price - in order to hold these two shores, the psyche spends a lot of energy, tension is created in the place of separation. It is with this mass of energy that polarities are charged. And from time to time all sorts of outbreaks can happen there)) By the way, watch the film "Pretty Women" with Gerard Depardieu, - there is a cool mechanism of splitting into two personalities.

One of the reasons associated with parent-child relationships is not lived through teenage rebellion and separation. If there is no way to separate, then splitting supports this task - with one foot in adulthood, the other in childhood. And then polar reactions are like a kind of teenage fact to everyone, instead of a calm separation)

One of the reasons is the formation of sexuality, identity. Everything, of course, is in contact with the parents. Good and bad teacher is about sexuality in the first place (at least in this stated case). Here, from somewhere, sexuality is loaded with evaluative categories "good" and "bad". And I wonder what kind of feelings all this is sealed, usually there is a lot of repressed shame, fear, loneliness. This is what the girl faced, reflected in the eyes of her father, seeing the reaction and behavior of her mother. Where she could understand how it is to be a woman, to be beautiful, sexy, to be liked by men, to have pleasure, to enjoy her body and love it, the girl faced something else. And in this place, too, a point of tension - there is sexuality and femininity, and they ask, but how to let them manifest through shame, fear and inhibitions - that's how it will turn out. The more voltage, the more charge there is. And possibly a high level of libido, because a creative profession has been chosen))

So WHAT TO DO:

of course, psychotherapy will work most effectively, since:

- the acceptance of oneself, one's polarities and points of tension alone is impossible - for this another person is needed. About which you will be able to accept yourself, to get the experience of acceptance not in your head - but in living experience. When they see me, all in all, and just like that, they accept it. In this place, tension decreases, integration into a whole, harmonious personality occurs, and a balance is obtained.

- separation processes are also resolved through secure relationships. If in life you are lucky to go through this in a relationship - cool! But more often than not, only therapy can provide such a level of safety.

- It is extremely difficult to cope with evaluative categories and judgments within your own puzzle. You simply cannot get out of this labyrinth, because you were the one who built it. Not everywhere consciously, of course, and not on your own initiative, but as a result of environmental influences, but your own mental apparatus and brain built them. Therefore, the exit is visible from the side)) And, moreover, the safest))

- Living with identity issues is also impossible without other people. Who I am and what I am - I can understand in contact, in search of differences and similarities.

And you can move on your own very, very quietly, studying all these topics, trying on yourself. Understanding something about yourself through communication with other women and men. The main thing is that this communication is not toxic!