Emotions And Contact

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How to teach a child not to be intimidated by his emotions, to be able to recognize them and experience them? Parents can more effectively help their child cope with emotions if they themselves know how to deal with their emotions, to be in contact with them. More often than not, we treat our emotions the way our parents did when we experienced them. For example, if in childhood, when a child cried, he was left alone or the parent pretended that nothing was happening, then the child could decide that tears should be ashamed, hidden and not shown. Or he could be afraid to be alone with his emotions and try with all his might to suppress tears so that his mother would begin to communicate with him and not ignore. Then, in adulthood, such a person will in every possible way avoid expressing sadness, not allowing himself to cry and strongly suppress these feelings.

If in childhood, when joy was manifested, adults reacted with the phrase: "Why are you laughing, you will soon cry!", Then after a while a ban on the open manifestation of joy may arise.

Or if the child is angry, sometimes the parents are angry in return. Then the child can become even more angry and may also use the anger to gain contact.

The child will be able to learn to live his emotions if the parent at this moment is in contact with the child. Contact can manifest itself in different ways. It could be a hug; conversation and explanations of what is happening to the child; just being around (but at the same time the parent does not mind his own business, but keeps his attention on the child); an explanation of the situation that aroused the feelings; offering options for how to deal with feelings or situations, etc.

Sometimes there is an objection that if a child is given contact when expressing strong feelings, then he will then specifically show these feelings in order to get attention. For example, crying while manipulating an adult. Such situations most often occur if the child's need for contact with the parent is little satisfied, and the child receives the parent's attention only when something happens. If the need for contact is satisfied, then the child does not need to receive the attention of adults in this way.

Contact with the child is a necessary basis for the child to learn to experience their emotions, and not to ignore or suppress them. If the child gains contact, then he can learn and develop his skills.

By giving contact to the child, the parent, as it were, creates a kind of safe space in which the child can manifest his state and feel protected and accepted even with difficult experiences. This happens when the parent hugs the child and gives him time to cry. Then the child learns that his feelings can be given space and time to manifest them. And it can be both internal space and external. If there is a space inside where this emotion can be located and at the same time it is not suppressed or ignored, then we can consciously choose how and when to express it.

The next step can be naming the child's emotions and feelings. By vocalizing emotions, the parent teaches the child to recognize the feelings they are experiencing. He is happy, sad, angry, or upset. The child has a dictionary to indicate his conditions.

Another step is learning how to express your feelings in different ways. We all studied ourselves in one way or another and teach our children through imitation, imitation, but we only do it unconsciously. But we can specifically offer the child different ways of expressing feelings. These methods can be both constructive and destructive. For example, when angry, talk about her, raise your voice, growl, bang on a pillow or punching bag, etc., cry when sad, ask for a hug, etc. Jump together and scream for joy, stretch out sweetly with pleasure. You can draw or express an emotion on paper in some color. You can choose a fairy tale or story with a similar situation, or, while reading something to a child, draw his attention to how the characters react, show emotions, and behave in different situations. For one family, some modes of expression may be acceptable, but not for another.

When an adult remains in contact with the child and his feelings, it teaches the child to also stay in contact with his experiences, and not be intimidated by them.

Your Natalia Fried

Satya was written in collaboration with Aida Abramova