2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A person is built into the parental family from birth. Requirements, expectations, prohibitions, prescriptions are directed at him. First - from the parents. Later - from teachers at school
The child is adapted to the environment. He cannot resist, because the psyche has not yet matured. Small child:
- hates loneliness;
- dependent on parents (not autonomous);
- does not tolerate frustration (a state when the need is not satisfied).
The child uses 3 coping strategies:
- self-suppression (suppression of one's "I want", "I'm interested");
- internalization (assimilation of someone else's, transformation of “others want from me” into “I need, I must”)
- completion of reality by imagination (fantasy).
Let's see what happens as a result of internalization.
The demands of many people are addressed to the child. They are uncontested for the child, strong adults impose them and force them to accept. The child assimilates them, begins to consider them “his own”.
Generally speaking, most of the motives (desires, life aspirations) are internalized demands. “Should” is the internalization of someone's “want”.
Since the requirements are contradictory, and at the same time the child learns all of them, without criticality and filtering, intrapersonal conflicts are obtained. Because of them, a person becomes incongruent (inconsistent).
When the child grows up, they can learn to build relationships with the world from the standpoint of autonomy, and critically review the previously learned external requirements. Or keep infantile adaptation strategies, and spend your whole life fulfilling conflicting social prescriptions.
Throughout life, a person integrates into social systems (family, work collective, friendly company, church) in order to satisfy their “social needs” (recognition, structuring of time, maybe “emotional warmth”). He gets bogged down in the abyss of social connections. Social ties are, figuratively speaking, "a club of communication with a large entrance fee." For the satisfaction of needs, and not always quality satisfaction, a person is obliged to adapt to the social environment.
Many demands are directed at a person from the social environment. From spouses, from “friends”, from colleagues at work … They either reinforce what was learned in childhood, or add something new. This leads to increased internal conflicts and incongruity. Therefore, the typical man in the street lives in a state of chronic internal disorder.
During childhood, the child is systematically suppressed. As a result, the person develops a persistent habit of self-suppression.
The typical person suppresses in himself:
- Emotions, feelings, body sensations. Not all of them, of course, but many. He does not feel them, does not recognize within himself, is not aware of them. At the same time, they manifest themselves through intonation, facial expressions, posture, etc.
- Protest reactions. Anger, hatred, resentment, jealousy, discontent, discomfort. These are "especially forbidden" emotions. The idea is built into the minds of people that a person should be “positive” and “tolerant”, ie. permanent chronic terpily.
- Desires. Which is impossible to implement due to the lack of resources or the consent of another person. Such desires are repressed from consciousness, their presence is generally denied, often the object of desire is artificially devalued.
There are two forms of self-suppression:
- Self-interruption is when a person, by volitional effort, muscle tension, rationalization, stops internal states or actions that seem forbidden, unacceptable or impossible. Forced passivity.
- Self-coercion - when a person, by a volitional effort, forces himself to do what causes him to protest. Forced activity. It is much more destructive to humans than forced passivity.
Self-restraint is inevitable when a large number of people live together in a small area (in the same apartment, in the same city, on the same planet). The question is in the extent of this self-restraint. It becomes a problem when:
- It ceases to be realized.
- Becomes excessive (unreasonable, unnecessary, even in what is quite possible and acceptable).
- Goes to the detriment of himself (even if it is useful to others).
With chronic self-suppression, a person leaves himself an "outlet" in something that gives a sense of satisfaction. And this "something" is hypertrophied (shopping, gluttony). This is how addictions often form and develop.
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