Psychological Trauma: A Cry For Help Or Silent Pain?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Not so long ago I came across a public of doctors on social networks. And there she drew attention to the 10 commandments of anesthesiologists. More precisely, a single commandment was engraved in my memory, this one: "If the patient does not scream, it does not mean that he is not in pain."

Strong phrase. And very human.

And for me it is very similar to what I know about the structure of psychological trauma. If a person does not shout at every corner about his pain, does not complain, does not poke everyone in the face with the open wounds of his suffering, this does not mean at all that everything is fine and wonderful with him. There can be many reasons - for example, toxic shame, it is multi-layered; a person may not just be ashamed (to be someone), but also ashamed for being ashamed (and he is ashamed for being ashamed). And this is another reason to keep quiet and shine as little as possible - and there are more than one and not a dozen such reasons.

So the most painful things in the psyche are not always the loudest and most attention-grabbing things.

There are many reasons:

• Internal installation. A person may not know that something is wrong with him (he has always been like this; well, he is used to the fact that all people are like people, and I am an insignificant pitiful misunderstanding, it is not supposed to love and respect me). Therefore - well, what is there to complain about? The world is arranged in such a way that other people CAN, but I CAN'T. Why? Well … I can't because.
• There is no "dictionary". A person may not be able to complain, he simply does not have a "vocabulary" to formulate his suffering. And an attack of acute mental pain can look like a furious scandal with accusations, unmotivated anger and rage. For example, in a middle-aged woman who had previously lived in a happy marriage, the whole family dies in a car accident: her husband and two sons - a student and a senior schoolboy. And a pleasant charming lady in three months turns into a shrew and a fury, who scandals with all the neighbors, sprinkles poison on the dogs and hates all the children in the yard. This is not a quarrelsome disposition, this is pain, a lot of pain from an unbearably huge loss. And her man is often not what to express - he cannot comprehend her. (Believe me, the injured neighbors will not have time to understand the mental trauma of a harmful old woman).
• Man is accustomed to suppressing his pain and is accustomed not to complain. For example, once the parents reacted so nervously to every cry of the child that they immediately rushed to comfort and calm him. Sometimes - distracting ("look, the bird is flying!"), Sometimes - sticking a toy or just shouting ("Stop whining! Burst into tears, nurse! Nothing hurts you, do not invent!") And the child sometimes makes very strange conclusions if with him addressed like this - without explaining anything, but violently and fearfully reacting to his tears and sadness. And the conclusion may be: "Mom is very angry every time and screams when I cry or complain. Crying and complaining is not good, wrong, you mustn't." And - no, negative emotions and difficult experiences will not go away from life: a child who has already grown up will be upset, and sad, and feel emotional pain. But he won't be able to complain. And note: no one in his face forbade him to do this, and the result will be years of silent suffering without a single complaint (and possibly an early heart attack).

So not everything is obvious and direct. A person can not always formulate a problem, it is not something to solve it. Doesn't know that something is wrong with him. Doesn't know exactly how wrong. Has no idea where and how you can turn for help (oh, how many times have I met in practice with clients who are sent to a psychiatrist for routine examination, and in response, full of horror and shame: "No !!! Well, I'm not crazy! !! ". And I can only guess how many people do not go to the psychologist, because" Well, I'm not crazy, I can pull myself together and stop crying every evening. "And the person does not stop crying, and the situation without help only gets worse).

In general, it is not always the most painful for the one who yells like a cut, and not for the one who, turning pale, freezes in the corner. It's not always the same.