2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are days when you realize that you simply cannot suffer anymore. You can of course say “you don’t want any more”. But you really can't fucking take it anymore. Physically. Because so much and too intense it is too… much and too… intense. And you think - well, how much can you? … And when will this your (our) shitty psychotherapeutic "as much as you need" finally end?
And I don’t need it. And there was no need. To suffer. It was necessary - it was and is - everything is very simple, without drama and suffering. If you miss someone - call. If you want to meet - invite. If you want to be understood, explain. If you have questions, do not understand, if you doubt whether they understood you - ask. If you don't like something - tell me. If you like something - say it too! If you want something - ask. If you can't or don't want to - just say so. Did something for you - say thank you. You love - love, gray, take care, be attentive and accurate. No no. Bad for you - fuck a smiling mask. Good - that's very good. This is just what I have. Very simple!
Most often, these days are nights. They are often awake. But there are also dreams. But most often they are just very dark. So dark that while wandering around the apartment you hit the little toe of your right foot against some crap on the floor and - lo and behold! - again you feel not in a cotton anesthetic fog, but alive. And you think at this very moment: “Can you finally start feeling alive in a different way - so that the damn doesn’t hurt? !!!”. And finally you answer to yourself: "You can !!!". So that's it. Most often, these days are very dark nights. And the darkest night, as you know, is before dawn. And at dawn you decide to allow yourself to feel alive differently - not through suffering, but through joy.
Dmitry Chaban
Kiev. August 2018.
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