2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A help-rejecting whiner demonstrates specific behavior in the psychotherapy group, which is expressed in an explicit or implicit demand from the group for help, after which he rejects any help offered to him. Such a participant speaks in the group only about problems, and describes them as insurmountable. “How bad everything is, how bad everything is” - the main message of such a participant.
One gets the impression that he takes pleasure or pride in the insolubility of his heavy problems. Often such a member of the group seeks only recommendations from the leaders of the group, ignoring the attempts of other members of the group to somehow help him solve the problem. In relations with other members of the group, he has only one aspect: he needs help more than all other members. If someone from the group members makes complaints, talks about their problems, the whiner who rejects help tries to play down the complaints and problems of this person, comparing them to his grandiose ones.
If the group and its leaders respond to the call of such a participant, he rejects the offered help, resorting to various means: openly rejecting the recommendations, indirectly or verbally accepting them, but does not act in accordance with them.
Finding such a member in a group leads to the fact that the rest of its members are confused, feel irritation and permanent frustration. The presence of such a participant calls into question the belief in the group process, as the group members feel helpless and unable to convey their own needs to the attention of the group. Group cohesion is undermined as some members seek to exclude the help-rejecting whiner from the group and form coalitions.
It is likely that the behavioral pattern that characterizes such a group member is an attempt to find a solution to the extremely conflicting feelings associated with addiction. On the one hand, such a person feels helpless, unimportant, and the sense of his own worth is completely dependent on other people, especially on the leaders of the group. On the other hand, the dependent position is complicated by mistrust and hostility towards all bearers of authority. cit. by I. Yalom. Group psychotherapy
It may be a mistake for the leaders of a group of which a rejecting whiner is a member of not distinguishing between the help requested and the one actually needed. Another mistake for the leader may be when the group leader expresses dissatisfaction or disappointment with this group member. In this case, the vicious circle will close: the participant expected a bad attitude, these expectations were justified, and he finds an excuse for his anger.
I. Yalom, stipulating the general principles of influencing a whiner rejecting help, cites a proposal of a certain clinician to show such a participant that the psychotherapist not only understands, but also shares the participant's sense of hopelessness about the problem situation. Eric Berne considers the help-rejecting whiner to be the most common behavior in all social and psychotherapeutic games, defining it as: "Why would you … - Yes, but …".
Yalom recommends that group psychotherapists try to mobilize the main psychotherapeutic factors into the service of the participant, such as the rejecting whiner. When a cohesive group is formed and the participant, through the action of psychotherapeutic factors such as universality of experience, identification and catharsis, has begun to value membership in the group, then the leader can encourage interpersonal learning. To do this, he directs the energy of the group in the direction of providing and receiving feedback, focuses attention on the "here and now". By helping the rejecting whiner to see the impact he has on the group, he can be led to understand his characteristic relationship patterns.
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