2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Forbidden aggression is one of the main reasons for contacting a psychologist. And a frequent manifestation of such a prohibition is passive (hidden) aggression.
It would seem logical, but I think not everything is so simple.
The prohibition on aggression can perfectly exist in one person along with its active manifestation.
Let's figure out how this happens?
Aggression is our strength. Aimed at the world, in an open form, it manifests itself in a rather diverse way. Let's consider three main ones:
- retention of control, - realization of desires, - a manifestation of superiority, strength.
The taboo on aggression can act on one or two forms of its manifestation, and this, of course, will cause psychological problems.
For example, you can try to constantly control everything: overprotection, jealousy, perfectionism. Where such control flourishes, there will be no room for desires or anger.
You can direct all aggression into desires and the result will be: hedonism, dependence, infantile egocentrism. So you can turn into an insatiable abyss. Quite kind, but very insatiable.
And a frequent case when aggression is manifested only in the form of an open manifestation of force. This is home tyranny, constant irritation, screaming and even assault. Outwardly, it seems that this is sheer aggression and what kind of prohibition can we talk about? But if you look, such an expression of aggression is only a manifestation of forbidden desires and an inability to control.
It turns out that the prohibition of aggression can be partial and even in this form can cause many problems.
Let's say that I have been able to since childhood or have learned to express my aggression in all its open forms of manifestation. I feel and fulfill my desires, openly express my strength and control what I can.
Even then, aggression may still be forbidden to me. How so?
Any emotion is felt bodily and this sensation can be quite unpleasant. Aggression is one of the most unpleasant emotions in terms of experience. Noticing it, we immediately try to either suppress or express.
It would seem that suppression is the very taboo, but the expression is permission. But this is only superficially so.
A swift, impulsive expression of aggression is one of the forms of rejection.
Trying not to restrain myself either in the force of reaction, or in desires or in maintaining control, I will simply get rid of this unpleasant emotion.
The inability to experience, contain your anger is also one of the forms of prohibition against aggression.
Here's how to formulate this prohibition - "It's okay to be angry, but it's bad to be angry."
With the prohibition to be evil, there will be little awareness and effectiveness. Much of what immediately spills out will not reach the goal, but will only increase frustration. Having such a character is difficult to get along with people.
It turns out that in order to accept your aggression, it is not enough to go to boxing, shout in the forest or break the service.
It is not enough to follow the rule "Do what you want!" Desire gratification is not all aggression.
It will not be enough to control only what you can control.
You need to learn to accept and resolve your aggression in a comprehensive manner, not forgetting about all the ways of its manifestation. And it is especially important to learn how to contain anger in yourself, to accept yourself as angry.
It is very beneficial for body, soul and relationships.
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