2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is so much guilt in our life that we not only don’t see it, don’t feel it, but also don’t realize it. Especially in a couple. I didn't cook, didn't add salt, something went awry, got lost, didn't grow together, little money, life didn't work out - in a couple, the woman takes the blame. Because:
- a woman is always to blame for everything
- all the troubles because of the woman
- not an ideal wife, mistress, mistress
- not as beautiful as we would like
- plump, fat or thin
- log in bed
- did not live up to hopes and expectations
- is obliged to do everything for the partner, and not for herself
- the man is in priority, and the woman is behind
- and the cherry on the cake that was born at all
These toxic thoughts and attitudes are slowly killing poison. A blooming and luxurious woman in a matter of years may well turn into tired and angry with … y.
Where does this come from in a woman's soul? From social stereotypes and patterns, from parental pain and messages, from our own decisions.
If a woman in a relationship lives in guilt, she will always be manipulated and used.
And she always please, apologize, improve, go through thousands of pop-male courses for women, be silent, endure and be guilty.
In this way, suffering is maintained not only inside the woman, but also in the couple, because the man is involved in the manipulative game "and make me even more guilty!"
Yes Yes! This is the pattern of behavior! And it is for her that a woman chooses a man with a similar model of behavior, in whose family women are always guilty or allow themselves to be manipulated.
Yes Yes! These are the similar values, “we coincided so much,” “we understand each other this way”.
One pain for two, one suffering for two, one inferiority complex for two.
When one manipulates another, he completely controls him, his feelings, state, soul, actions. This is how dependence is formed, the chain on which one obediently sits, and the other pulls and shouts.
In this regard, no one has the right to his own. On YOUR world and values, on your rules and mistakes, on your desires and needs.
I wanted my own - wine. I thought to myself - wine. I chose something for myself - wine.
Perfect control!
The couple loses the chance to grow up - from a girl to a woman, from a boy to a man. After all, our physical age in the 21st century is not an indicator of our personal maturity.
The couple runs the risk of forever getting stuck in codependency, in dissolution, in the abandonment of boundaries, from understanding I - the Other is not like I, from their life and tasks.
The struggle for control, the game "you / I am to blame for everything" maintains pain and suffering for both - instead of the resource and energy so necessary for life and movement in society.
Do you feel guilty in your relationship, have you noticed manipulations?
Fear and its impact on human life
“I’m scared”, “I’m scared” - and it is often difficult to articulate why? What's going on in a relationship that there is so much fear inside?
- fear of becoming addicted
- fear of being used
- fear of rejection
- fear of uselessness
- fear of betrayal, treason
- fear of loneliness
- fear of disappointment
- fear of contempt and ridicule
- fear of humiliation
- fear of physical or sexual abuse
- fear of not living up to hopes and expectations
And you can write a hundred fears, and everything will be true. And all this can live in one person for many, many years. Why?
Because it gets used to it. It is habitual to be afraid, habitually to endure and be silent.
Therefore, there is no strength and resources to lay your own borders - here you can, but here it is forbidden. The tyrant (husband, wife, parents) is treading on your space - they know they can do everything. Because you're scared:
- to touch your pain
- admit your disappointment
- explore and know yourself that I want, and not another
- to do something new, to do FOR YOURSELF
- say "NO", you can't do that with me
When you are scared, it means that others can do anything. This is an axiom, it has been working for millennia. The “victim-tyrant” bond is the strongest for this reason.
Sometimes it is easier to be afraid, to live in a psychic dream and to repeat like the mantra “it doesn't hurt me”, “nobody hurts me”, “they don’t offend me”, “the universe loves me”, but leave behind drops of blood from a wounded soul.
How long can you hold out like this?
All life. To be sick, to suffer from failures, about unfulfilled desires, to wear a mask of "happy", to roar into a pillow, to eat cakes and dream of a prince, despising all the men around.
This means that there is a lot of fear and so far there is no strength to look at it openly and admit it. This means that you are guided through life by fear, and not by your soul, heart or intuition. So you deny that fear occupies a large part of your outer and inner life. It means that you condemn and kick yourself for being scary.
And most importantly, you are in a fight with fear, with truth, with yourself.
What to do?
Fear is impossible to fight! This is part of your personality, your soul. By suppressing fear or ignoring it, you are actually suppressing and ignoring yourself! I hope you understand that this only makes it worse.
You can go through fear by processing it into a resource, by virtue of movement, this is called the transformation of fear.
This is how hunger for love and life in short supply are closed, because for many years they were supported by fear within you.
Do you have a lot of fear in your life and relationships?
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