2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Are you familiar with the situation: you clearly realize that you need changes in your life, set a goal according to all the rules, but cannot fulfill the plan?
Imagine a young professional, Ekaterina, who recently got a promotion. The new position did not bring the expected satisfaction. The office is boring and cramped. And she decides to save money to take a year of unpaid leave and travel. But now half a year has passed, and the savings account still shows "zero". What prevents a purposeful and wealthy young woman from forming a financial cushion? The answer is obvious: it's out of your comfort zone, and it's more than just plain laziness. When Catherine does not find free money to send to the piggy bank, she protects her safety. The thought of being poisoned on a long journey causes a strong unconscious anxiety, which turns out to be stronger than the desire for novelty. Defense mechanisms are triggered in the form of passive behavior, described in transactional analysis at the Schiff school:
1. Doing nothing. Do not draw up a budget, do not track spending, do not transfer money to a savings account. Thinking can simply turn off regarding this topic.
2. Over-adaptation. Do what people around you seem to be waiting for. Ekaterina believes that in the new status it is necessary to strengthen the image, buys fashionable things, pays for the work of a stylist.
3. Agitation. Anxiety intensifies, reaching a clear nervous excitement in the form of "imitation of violent activity." To do a lot, but not what is relevant to the goal. Our heroine can think hard, read successful stories of freelancers, while simultaneously sending a summer capsule to the basket (insert your favorite clothing brand).
4. Helplessness or violence. Anxiety reaches its limit. She has a new position and a compensation package that a good half of her compatriots would envy, but she manages to accumulate neither a ruble, nor a dollar, nor a euro. Covers a feeling of helplessness. She breaks down on a partner who, as it seems to her, prevents her from balancing her spending.
So you can live in a circle up to retirement. But if you still want to change, you need to track the forms of passive behavior, imagine and plan the changes so that they have more safety and self-care. Practice active behavior that brings results:
1. If you postpone action for a long time, it will be more honest to refuse or reformulate the goal.
2. Instead of guessing what others want, think about what you need.
3. Agitation is difficult to confront. Just keep track of when you are doing a lot and the result is not enough.
4. After a surge of feelings of helplessness or a surge of accumulated energy on others, think about what you can and want to do, but do not.
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