Roles Of Adult Children Of Alcoholics

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Children are the weakest link in the entire system. The family can be compared to a house in which everyone holds their own wall, fulfilling their duties. Let's take a standard situation. The family has a mom, dad, children. Dad started drinking and stopped fulfilling his functions. He has no time, since the use takes a long time, and he has no strength, since the use takes them away.

To prevent the house from collapsing, someone must take over these responsibilities. Most often it's mom. But one person is not able to fully fulfill the duties of two. Something will have to be abandoned. Mom cannot stop making money and feeding her family, she cannot stop washing, cooking, cleaning. And then she gives up what is most valuable in the mother's role. She ceases to be emotionally involved in the child's life. This means that she does not read fairy tales to him at night, does not talk heart to heart, does not accompany him to school in the morning, that is, she stops doing what no one else can do, and without which the child cannot grow into a full-fledged personality. A person who feels loved. It is this feeling that gives us a sense of joy from our own existence. Deprived of all this, the child will feel uncomfortable, he will have a feeling that the house has become unsafe, as during an earthquake. The tension is growing.

The child will try to compensate for this feeling. And will choose one of the following roles.

Hero. Most often this is the eldest child in the family. It is he who takes on some of the responsibilities of adults in order to ease the situation and relieve tension. He begins to help with the housework, take care of the younger ones. He kind of becomes an adult. At the expense of my childhood. While his peers play football in the yard, he goes to the store or washes the floor. When mom comes home from work, it will be easier for her. She will be grateful to him. And he will feel more significant. When he grows up, he will be responsible and hardworking. Both he will have too much. People around, knowing its reliability, will use it. The bosses will load him with the hardest work, and those close to him will shift their responsibilities onto him.

The missed childhood can make itself felt by no means in the best forms. The stress accumulated from such a life must be relieved. But the hero does not know how to do this. And he can rush "to all bad".

As a companion, the hero will choose the one who needs to be saved. Who needs to be taken care of and Protected. The chemical addict is ideal for this role.

Have you ever observed such a couple: he is serious, responsible, the pride of the family, she is windy, unstable, with a dubious reputation? Or vice versa. The surrounding people are at a loss. How could this happen? But you and I now know.

Jester. This is a character that is needed in the kingdom to relieve tension. So that the king does not accidentally chop off someone's head in a fit of anger. Well, the king, of course, is an alcoholic. Everything in the kingdom depends on him. In a state of intoxication, he becomes unpredictable, and therefore dangerous. And the task of the jester is to divert attention, to defuse the atmosphere with a joke, a taunt. He must have intelligence, quick-wittedness, a good reaction (he must have time to escape). He needs to learn to understand people well. The only thing he cannot do is to be friends with someone. After all, he must be ready to play a trick on anyone. And his jokes are by no means harmless.

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His wit is able to defuse the atmosphere. And the ability to divert attention from what is happening can save lives. He voluntarily "takes fire on himself." A lot of dexterity will be needed to protect yourself.

Such a person is doomed to loneliness. And although he will come across as happy and independent, in fact, he will be alone and unhappy. His mask of a jester will hide bitterness and longing under him. But the mask grows, and sometimes a person is not able to take it off, even when alone with himself.

The next role is more tragic. This is the role scapegoat, or victim … Unlike the jester, the scapegoat does not run away from reprisals. Moreover, on the contrary, he is trying to take on all the negative. This role is formed, for example, like this. An exhausted mother comes tired from work and sees a drunken husband, peacefully sleeping on the couch. Realizing that her last money has been spent, her anger begins to grow. The scandal is inevitable. And then a son appears, but not one, but with deuces in his diary. And all the anger intended for the father goes to the son. When she calms down, it will be very painful for her, and she will take pity on her child, give him love. This is the key moment of the whole story. The beatings relieved the tension and gave love. The main tasks have been completed. Next time, the child will expose himself to the blow on purpose. And so he will do all his life. Even when it becomes unbearably painful, when fatigue comes from the constant blows of now fate, he will continue to do it. He does not know any other model of behavior.

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A single brick falls on their heads for such people. They are the first to be fired due to staff reductions. Before them the goods in the queue are running out. The rapist chooses them as his victim. And it can be very difficult to change that. Especially if the person is not aware of what is happening.

The last role is perhaps the saddest. This is the role lost child. This child makes life easier for his parents and himself by becoming invisible. He begins to serve himself early. Its task is to deliver as little hassle as possible. Therefore, it can be found more often on the street than at home. Although even at home, he manages to be invisible.

Sadness arose from the understanding that this child will not get anything from his parents. No beatings, which are also attention, no love. And a soul not filled with love will be like a bottomless barrel that a person will try to fill all his life. But the problem is that the barrel has no bottom, it is not formed, and that for love this child will take any attention to it. Many will take advantage of this. It is these children who fall into sects, begin an early sexual life, become fans of idols. They are very sticky, as they take every sign of attention for love. And we are ready for anything.