2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There is a long way to go in upbringing - when we give the child knowledge and develop skills.
And a short way - prohibitions, instructions, requirements …
- you have to be good
- you should obey
- you have to be polite, kind, smart, joyful …
- you can't be greedy, angry, swear …
The skill is formed, instilled, through exercises, training, through understanding the meaning of their actions. Each skill matures in the child's psyche like a cultivated plant and requires special attention and care.
It is skills that create personality traits: an intelligent person is capable of thinking, a kind person is able to manage his aggression, a reliable person is trained in responsibility.
An introject is an imposed belief or attitude that gets into the psyche, is not digested by the psyche and is not accepted critically. Such an introject can become an alien desire of the child, which he perceives as his own. False desires lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
A child filled with introjects - loses connection with himself, with his needs; lives from the idea "I should". The consequences of such upbringing can be different, and depression, and neuroses, and addictions. Because a person who does not feel his needs will not be able to satisfy himself and will feel dissatisfied. He will use some substitutes for satisfaction.
A child who has well-formed skills necessary for his age - more easily adapts to the world around him, is able to be successful in social life, in communication, learning. He will be able to get what he needs for satisfaction and happiness.
A case from practice: a girl talks a lot about how she loves her little brother, how fun it is to play with him, she is ready to give everything to him … while smiling very tensely, as if she wants to say something else.
"You must love your brother" is an introject
A child is not able to digest such a piece of generalized information.
As an attitude, such an introject interferes with defending one's boundaries (saying a firm and calm "no", even to a little brother), learning to be kind and generous for real (listening to yourself - when you want to give your thing, and when you leave it to yourself and choose a how you can do it), feel your desires (when you want to play, and when you want to go about your business). It will be difficult for such a girl later to figure out what love is, how to love with smart love and not become addicted.
In order to feel confident and successful in different areas of life, you need to develop a specific set of skills in each area. It's good when these skills are developed in a timely manner.
To communicate with people, the following skills will be useful: express your thoughts, listen carefully, critically perceive information. At a young age, the foundation of communication is laid, and in adolescence, there is an intensive development of various styles and forms of communication.
In order to build close relationships: empathy, the ability to talk about problems, about feelings, express feelings, share ideas. For educational activities: the ability to concentrate, analyze, take notes, summarize information, as well as volitional skills. A child at 5-6 years old (tender age) begins to master the psychic world: the world of feelings and relationships. This is the most important age for developing empathy.
Skills that are necessary for successful activity: dedication, the ability to learn, work with information, accept failure. Such skills are formed at primary school age.
A child can acquire these skills in a family: read parental models, imitate parents, form with the help of a parent (when an adult provides support at every stage of skill formation), learn through play.
"You have to learn to be successful", "To be interesting in communication, you have to read a lot" - these are introjects.
"Let's sit down and see what you were asked?.. O! Interesting! … When and how will you do it? How can I help you? "," Is it difficult for you to sit in one place? You can take breaks "" Let's practice being attentive … I will do it with you together.. You need to put the object in front of you and watch without stopping for 2 minutes.. so you and I will become very cool in our business "- this is what we can do to help your child develop skills.
We can ask questions, talk about our difficulties and how we dealt with them, throw in options, listen carefully, prompt.
Prohibitions, requirements are also needed in education. But there should not be many of them and they should not replace communication with the child, support and cooperation.
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