2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We all strive for happiness, for a fulfilling and interesting life, for being respected by those around us and loved by our loved ones. Why is it not always and not for everyone as they would like?
When a person comes to a psychotherapist for help, much attention is paid to the relationship with the parents, especially with the mother. These relationships are analyzed as the basis of our self-esteem.
Why is it sometimes necessary to improve self-esteem? Psychologists believe that our self-esteem is laid in childhood. When a very young child treats the assessments given to him by his mother as something absolutely correct. This can be compared to a mirror, we look in the mirror, completely trusting it to reflect our appearance. Likewise, the child trusts the mother's assessments and words about him.
Lowered self-esteem can develop when a child was unwanted for any reason. Another situation: the mother has the lowest self-esteem and she projects it onto the child: "I am not capable of anything in life, and you are the same."
A child whose parents adhere to authoritarian methods of upbringing can also have low self-esteem.
When a person tries to change his fate and realizes that most often unwittingly, his mother is the cause of failure, the first thing to do is to forgive your parents and accept both them and yourself as you are. This will be the first step towards changing relationships with others and with yourself.
At the same time, adults are often forced to make a choice: continue to fulfill all the requests and instructions of the mother, or choose their own path, it concerns a career, relationships with other people, choosing a profession or raising children.
Quite often, a mother, having devoted her “best years” to us, waits, usually unconsciously, that we too will live for her sake, consult only with her in everything and follow her expectations regarding us.
Let's list the most frequent situations of the development of conflicts with the mother.
- On the part of the mother, there is no respect for your values in life, decisions made, as in childhood, you are perceived only as an object for upbringing.
- Your friends, family are not accepted.
- The maternal attachment is so strong that the "grown child" feels a lack of freedom.
- You are not in a position to refuse your mother, and as a result you have to give up your plans in order to fulfill the mother's plans.
- Not able to express aloud his opinion, which obviously does not coincide with her opinion.
- The mother is absolutely sure that only she knows how to live correctly and requires the full support of this confidence from the children.
- The mother makes grown children feel guilty because they "care little for her."
- Growing up children experience a strong sense of guilt that they have lived with her all their lives, fully devoting themselves to her.
- Dependence on the mother develops into infantilism, which interferes with the development of relationships with the opposite sex.
- They impose their own rules for raising grandchildren, ignoring the opinion of parents.
(c) Yulia Latunenko
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