How To End An Ended Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-18 02:26

Author: Kumkov Alexander Source: www.prozhivoe.co

We repeat our mistakes. With enviable regularity, we go along the trodden path of failures, over and over again plunging into different things of the same thing. And we are surprised … Why !!! Why am I so unlucky? Moreover, each next case is steeper than the previous one.

There are several reasons for this:

• Firstly, often without any pauses, we break into new relationships without even making an attempt to figure it out - And what was wrong with the old ones? The fear of loneliness, you know, is relevant for 70% of the adult population of the Earth. You will not be spoiled with him. So we have no time to draw conclusions.
• Secondly, we completely unconsciously choose people as partners with whom we cannot do anything good. Well, that pulls us to them. And we know what will happen as usual, but "you cannot order your heart."

• Thirdly, we are trying to create new relationships without completely freeing ourselves from the old ones. Bound hand and foot by old addictions, grudges, past love and fears. We pull the whole bunch of their unfinished tails along with us, without wishing or noticing.

In this article, we will deal with the third reason.

(About the first and second - there will also be a conversation, but in other articles of the cycle "Second Attempt")

So, we clean up the space of relationships …

Short metaphor: Try planting a young fruit tree in the middle of an old, half-dead spruce forest.

In the shadow of the once mighty giants, his chances of survival are negligible. They'll just strangle him. No water will be given, no light, no space. And the atmosphere in the coniferous forest is completely inappropriate for apple-pears - moss, boredom and windbreak. Only some very unpretentious Christmas tree can grow in such an environment.

But it is worth clearing the clearing of old, sawing off dead wood, pulling stumps, making your way to the sun - and your chances of harvesting plum and cherry will skyrocket.

With relationships, the story is the same. Until you clear the living space for new relationships, you will receive so well-known to you moss, boredom, windbreak and another thorny Christmas tree in the greenhouse.

1. To start a really new relationship, you need to make room for them in three individual spaces - body, soul and mind;
2. The body lives in the material world. These are: Things, objects, money, actions, power (influence), physical contact, sex. The material world exists in the present;
3. The soul lives in an emotional world. These are: Feelings, intuition, creativity, relationships, faith (beliefs), dreams. The emotional world is future-oriented;
4. The mind lives in the world of information. These are: Knowledge, logic, rules, laws, agreements, history, social roles and statuses, communities in which we exist. The world of information is based on the past;
5. Each of these spaces is filled with its own unique content and each requires its own unique techniques of liberation and cleansing;

6. At the end of the relationship, one of the spaces is freed (cleared), of course, and we think that this is enough. This is wrong! - (Think, and which of the spaces was freed up in your case?)

7. To actually end the relationship, it is necessary to solve three problems in EVERY space:

   • To clear your space from “not yours”, to bring cleanliness, beauty and order;
   • Complete unfinished;
   • Free yourself from influence and stop influencing;
8. The spaces are connected. Through one thing, you can influence others.
9. It is impossible to clear the space with his own tools.

How to understand that the ended relationship has not ended?

1. On the material plane: you are surrounded by his (her) things, photographs, gifts. It is difficult for you to part with them. And the opposite side does not even think to take them away. Also, these are all sorts of stories about joint activities and property, monetary obligations, debts to each other.

2. Emotional - You are experiencing tangible negative emotions towards your ex or yourself. Anger, resentment, pity, unrequited (betrayed) love, acute regret … You can continue the list on your own. If there is a feeling, then there is an actual connection. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the connection and the less room for new feelings.
3. On the informational plane, you hide from other people the fact of breaking up and ending a relationship. You try to maintain your previous social status. Compare the people around you with your ex-partner (partner). Show an increased interest in the events of his (her) life. Often and in detail, you recall past relationships, concentrate on what is impossible to return. Sorry about the missed opportunities. Maintain (observe) the rules and traditions established in the relationship.

Freeing the body …

The material plane lends itself well to systemic and informational influences (contracts, receipts, systematic conscious actions without emotions), and very badly to emotional influences (resentments, pleas, angry demands, dreams).

Steps to Liberate the Material Plane

1. Clear the space around you from the uncontrolled material presence of your ex.

• Act in a planned, focused, thorough, ruthless, polite and calm manner. The less emotions and more consistency, the better.
• Agree on the division of jointly acquired property. If it is impossible to divide - sell and divide the money.
• Do a general cleaning
• Make repairs, or at least rearrange the furniture. Any interior changes are welcome.
• Upgrade your wardrobe, household utensils, dishes
• Change your place of residence.

2. Complete unfinished

• Completely deal with material debts to each other.
• Complete / close all joint material obligations (Paired debts, loans, joint ownership, etc.)

3. Get rid of influence and stop influencing;

• Stop any joint activity (commercial, entertainment, any). And let's do without illusions - Joint business with the "former" negatively affects the creation of relationships with the "new"
• If possible, exclude any physical contact with your former partner (partner) - meetings, intersections, etc. And even more so close physical contact!

Don't be afraid to look self-serving. In all of the activities described in this section, your main task is to free your life from the impact of the ended relationship. By the way, these recommendations also apply when the partner leaves "light" and leaves everything to you. - Time will pass and with a very high probability he will return to take a piece of his material world.

The goal of all measures to liberate the material plane is that only that which is 100% owned by you remains in your house and possession!

There are things that are especially important emotional anchors for your “ex-relationship”. No matter how painful and difficult it may be for you to part with them, make an informed choice for each of them - Do you really decide to leave this object in your material space? Even the smallest and most insignificant souvenir, filled with strong emotions and an important story, can become an insurmountable barrier to creating new relationships.

Freeing the soul …

The emotional plan for release and purification is quite difficult, as feelings in most cases do not lend themselves well to conscious control and systemic description. There are, of course, people who know how to subordinate their hearts to reason and logic, but there are very few of them. Most people simply surrender to feelings and experience them.

The goal of working with an emotional plan is Not to completely free yourself from feelings for your ex and what you had with him (or after him), but turn them into neutral, or neutral positive. Moreover, it does not matter at all what feelings you are experiencing now - negative or positive. It is not the sign that is important here, but the strength of the feelings, that is, the strength of the emotional connection.

Let's figure out what opportunities we have on this "front".

Well, first of all, getting rid of “long” emotions with the help of “strong” emotions is a losing strategy. Tears, tantrums or great fun will only relieve tension for a while, but they will not solve the problem.

Secondly, to work with the emotional plane, we need to work with both Matter (body) and Information (mind)

Body:

• Regular, monotonous physical activity. - Walking, running, swimming, cycling, yoga, dancing, etc. It is important that they lack the element of play and competition. Make your BODY work and tire daily. It is very important here to do an action for the sake of the action itself.
• Concentrate on the here and now in your daily activities. Shift your focus to practical, tangible deeds and results that can be obtained in the shortest possible time. Load yourself up with lots of little things to do.
• Experiment with food - anything works here - from strict diets and culinary journeys to conscious dietary changes. It is important that what you eat gives YOU pleasure and is new, unexpected. You will be surprised how strongly your eating habits and the emotional world of your “former” relationship are connected.

Intelligence:

• Organize your feelings. - Look at what you feel with the cold gaze of an analyst. Conduct a systematic analysis and structural analysis of your emotional state. What and why do you feel? How does this all relate to your personality and the personality of your partner? Describe the dynamics of your relationship. - Sometimes this approach gives very good results, especially when someone helps you to stay within the framework of logic and not fall into a storm of emotions. Most emotions, being laid out for general consideration and falling under a ruthless logical analysis, lose their intimacy, power and relevance.

• Use the power of rituals. - Regardless of how you feel about religion. Prayers work. They can look like mantras, positive affirmations, creative trances, like talking out loud to yourself, in the end. These are all varieties of the same powerful instrument that is called prayer in all religious traditions of the world. It doesn't matter which form you choose, it is important that it is read daily and focuses on three global topics:

  • Gratitude to the world (God, fate, circumstances …) for what is happening to you Life
  • Gratitude to your partner (+ forgiveness and letting go)
  • Self-gratitude (+ release, calmness, confidence)

It can be three different addresses or one merged, it doesn't matter, the main thing here is regularity and calm faith in the power of kind words and intentions. Any emotional ritual must be repeated for at least 40 days in a row.

Give the feeling back to the person who owns it. - Sometimes, in order to free yourself from the power of feeling (especially the old and seemingly long gone), you need to calmly and completely express it aloud to the person to whom you experienced it. Unload your soul from failed first loves, ridiculous grievances and disappointments of the novels of your youth. Say all that was not said then - now.

Freeing the mind …

The peculiarity of the liberation and cleansing of the informational plane is that we will have to work with the emotional anchors of the past and the informational and social status of the present.

The present…

1. Stop being interested in events in your ex's real life. Who does he (she) meet, how is he doing, what he is doing … and so on. Do this even if you split up as “friends”. The main task of this step is to completely eliminate the relevance of the information flow between you. "The less you know the better you sleep!";
2. Socialnetworks, instant messengers, sms correspondence - without talking to the basket. It will be necessary - then, after a year, restore it, since this is not a problem at all. In cases of extreme dependence on exchange information flows, a 100% informational diet is prescribed, that is, a complete rejection of any network communications for a period of 40 days.
3. (For the ladies). Do not be too lazy to change your surname to premarital. - The official "naming" indicated in the pile of documents is a very strong information anchor;
4. Tell your social environment that the relationship is over and your social status has changed. It is possible and necessary to do this completely without details. Those for whom it will be important to discuss it will do it a little later in person, and everyone else will just take note. This will also help the former partner to be in a new social status. By the way, what (social status) do you have now?
5. Change the routine of your own day.
6. Change your usual driving routes.

Past:

1. Complete the unfinished. Go where you were going for a long time. Finish what you started. The fewer unfinished threads connecting you with the past, the better. To completely abandon the completion of something that is no longer relevant is also a kind of ending;
2. Collect information about important past (joint) events in the ARCHIVE! Structure information and memorabilia - (Envelopes, boxes, albums, letters) and put away. Say thanks, say goodbye and throw it on the farthest mezzanine. There is no point in all this looming before your eyes and pulling the strings of memory;
3. If possible, exclude trips to familiar, long-known, joint travel destinations. The world is huge - explore it in a new quality anew. Create your routes and your new favorite places;
4. Memories of the past are very well supplanted by dreams of the future. Make a living list of Dreams and Wishes. Treat this point as a necessary minimum. As long as you do not look into the future with interest, the past does not even think to let you go.

And in conclusion…

• I want to remind you that at the end of the relationship, one of the spaces was cleared almost automatically. Pay attention - which one? You will need this knowledge in the future.
• Do not seek to get rid of only the negative, sad and sick past. Reduce overall field voltage. Remember the goal is a neutral, or even better, a neutral positive attitude towards the former partner (partner) and everything connected with him.
• If you understand that you are not coping, do not hesitate to seek help from professional psychologists. Extreme forms of addiction can be too difficult to handle on your own. Being inside such an addiction, you have no chance of coping with it one-on-one within an acceptable time frame.

• Keep three goals in mind:

  • To clear your space from “not yours”, to bring cleanliness, beauty and order;
  • Complete unfinished;
  • Free yourself from influence and stop influencing;
• After completing any number of unsuccessful relationships, you have the opportunity to start successful ones.
• After a breakup, take your time to create a new relationship with a new partner as soon as possible. Take a break, devote time to yourself and your new opportunities.