2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Our thoughts determine our attitude to the situation. It’s not events that upset us, but beliefs. All life situations perceived by a person are carried out through the prism of cognitive formations and an attitude towards them is formed. Consequently, if you form realistic beliefs, the picture of the world will be more realistic. Here are some irrational cognitive schemas and useful beliefs for correction:
1️⃣ No boundaries
"We should always be together. If you are not there, then I am not." Train persuasion: "Healthy couples spend time sometimes apart, sometimes together."
2️⃣ An overwhelming need for recognition
"You should never criticize me and always support me." Helpful Belief: "We Must Accept All Feedback For Our Growth"
3️⃣ Fear of difficulties
"I can't do it without you." Helpful Belief: "A healthy relationship does not consume, but strengthens the inner self."
4️⃣ Fear of exposure
"If you knew who I really am, you would not accept me, you would not love me." Helpful belief: "I'm not as bad as I think. Most people know who I am and accept me."
5️⃣ Fear of rejection
"If you find out that I am not perfect, you will leave me." Helpful belief: "Nobody is perfect and that's okay."
6️⃣ Unrealistic expectations
"You have to instinctively anticipate all my needs and desires." Helpful belief: "Each person should be clear about what he wants, no one is obliged to guess about the desires of the other."
7️⃣ Fear of losing control
"If I don't have full control, everything will fall apart." Helpful belief: "We only have to control our own lives."
8️⃣ Fear of vulnerability
"Being vulnerable is dangerous." Helpful Belief: "Vulnerability can be both a minus and a plus, depending on who we are with, but it is the only way to intimacy."
9️⃣ Guilt, shame, self-loathing
"If something goes wrong, it is my fault. I am a terrible person." Helpful belief: "Some times it's our fault, some it's not. Nobody's perfect."
🔟 Fear of anger / suppressed rage
"We will never argue, fight or criticize each other." Helpful Belief: "People argue from time to time, and that's okay. I only criticize behavior, not personality."
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