MENTAL PAIN

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When something hurts in our body, we immediately go to the doctors, take medications, do massages, procedures, in general, everything possible to stop the pain.

I want to do the same with mental pain. Get rid of it as soon as possible, do something to make it easier.

But for some reason it is there? A person needs bodily pain in order to understand whether everything is ok with his organs, body, it saves us from death. Remember the phrase, if something hurts you, then you are still alive ?!

Why do we need mental pain ?!

1. Pain as a reaction to the loss of value or something of value. If you have something of value and you lose it, you are more likely to experience pain. Accordingly, pain is a marker of value. The intensity of the pain determines the level of value.

2. Pain as a reaction to loss of attachment. More often than not, we experience mental pain when we lose a relationship. It is especially manifested in grief at the death of a loved one. The pain is incredibly strong, since not just a person disappears from life, but a whole complex of context is lost (conducting life, spending leisure time, material support of life, taking care of children, support, etc.). The loss of such a context is possible in the event of a break in relations, divorce. That is why, in these circumstances, a person experiences real grief.

3. Pain is always associated with a violation of the boundaries of contact. Through intrusion or through separation. For example, you stepped on a nail, it pierced your skin - the border of the body. There has been some kind of invasion that violates the integrity of your borders. Such pain accompanies the situation of violence. With the threat of violence, the marker is anger, if the border has already been violated, pain arises. When you break away, for example, in a close relationship, where two people "have grown to each other", as if one skin for two, when one leaves, a part of you comes off - a feeling of pain arises. People are skin-fused, with the suppression of feelings and personal needs in a relationship, through the disappearance of the separateness of each. The more silence in a relationship, the more people coalesce, the boundaries disappear. This happens in a codependent relationship. The breakup of such a relationship causes hellish, unbearable pain. This is also justified by the fact that with codependency many hidden feelings are mixed (anger, resentment, guilt, shame). With intimacy, pain is experienced easier and faster, because of the openness in the relationship.

4. Pain as a reaction to the retention of something other than pain. If a person cannot dispose of tenderness, gratitude, etc., pain arises. In codependency, when it is impossible to deal with gratitude, to experience it, they experience pain. She seems to be illogical, but there is, the relationship seems to be normal, but aches. Ask yourself in this case, what are you holding back ?!

Despite the importance of this complex of feelings, very often you want there to be no mental pain.

But! If you refuse to experience it, dangerous pathological processes occur. There is a lot of vitality in pain. Remember, when you are in pain, you do not notice anything else, everything else is in the background. If you get rid of mental pain, a blockage of vitality occurs, all living things die. This is a global blow to sensitivity. This can result in depersonalization, derealization. The person turns into a traumatic person. Feels nothing more. Traumatics are insensitive to aggression, tenderness, gratitude, etc.

If we cannot experience our own pain, it is also incredibly difficult for us to endure the pain of another, especially a loved one. But when we say to a person at the moment of his grief, pain - "everything will be fine", "it's okay", "everything is for the better", "don't despair" - we also ignore the place of value that causes pain. And to get around this value is possible only with acute trauma, which, as we already know, covers everything.

There is no way out except to move in the direction of pain.

In our culture, there are two vectors of address:

1) Pain is not carried out outside, it remains inside you. "Unbearable pain" is something that cannot be carried out. Such a process can lead to suffering. Experience and suffering are different things. Suffering is eternal. And then, of course, you just want to suppress everything. You can, of course, endure the pain outside in part, the so-called diffuse discharge. For example, work very hard, hard work in sports, constant employment, alcohol, etc. This makes it easier for a while. But since the volume of pain is not worked through, the tension is reduced for a while, and then it returns with the same force. This is stumping. In addition, in a situation of acute pain, the effectiveness of the activity decreases.

2) Experience. It is possible to experience pain if there is someone nearby who can hear your pain and respond to it. Not to hear about pain, but to hear the pain itself. Usually people talk about pain, but not directly, not personally to another person. If a person cries to another, the experience is possible, if to himself, it does not lead to anything, he still remains alone. This can make the pain even worse.

Remember, if you endure pain, it becomes toxic. When placed in contact, the pain becomes light over time, sadness, gratitude, tenderness appear.

The main thing is to notice and continue to live.