The Happiness Of Three And A Half Years Of Motherhood

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

Yesterday my husband made me happy that our son is 3 years and 7 months old. And in general, he is almost 4 years old, count up, wife! I booted up because I was sure he was three and a half. I counted it. Everything is correct. 3 years and 6 months, 7 month went. And then, out of habit, I began to remember what was good during these 3 years and 6 months since the birth of my son. I tried to remember all the mimi moments. He grew and developed with my direct participation, in my arms, in front of my eyes.

I thought for a long time.

I remember very well how he slept exclusively with my chest in his mouth for several months. I remembered my unfortunate nipples in abrasions and cracks, how I fed through tears for the first 2 weeks of his life. I remembered how we went to the hospital with my postpartum complication 2 weeks after giving birth.

I remember how he began to itch, and how he itched and itched for three (!) Years. His screams and tantrums about the fact that I do not let him comb everything in blood, and his emotions. Complete impotence, despair.

I remember his psychological constipation, which lasted more than two years. His wild screams, his tears, my tears, drooping hands.

I remember how he threw everything and everyone in our apartment. Salt, sugar, vegetable oil, water, cereals … I remember how I cleaned it all.

A good one? Where is the good ?? It must be. This is my child, my son, I carried him, I gave birth to him, I fed him, looked after and took care of him. Itself. I shouldn't have selective amnesia. But where is the good? Positive, mimimi, sweetheart? I was close to despair. And then I realized. And then it dawned on me. I felt scared and hurt. For my son. He did not deserve this.

Since his birth - a phone, then a tablet, then a phone again, then another tablet - have been my best friends. I was desperately trying to get some rest, or at least catch my breath. I didn’t succeed, I didn’t have such an opportunity, so I was saved in the only way available to me, I ran to the Internet.

By the way, for many women, motherhood means social isolation. Communication on the Internet helps to keep afloat in the slightest degree. With all this, the use by the mother of a phone, tablet, computer, say, more than half an hour a day is highly condemned. Choyta she sits there. She has a child! You can't feed and sit on the phone, you need to look at the child with concentration. You can't be distracted by the phone while walking, it's bad and atata. It is impossible for the child to play himself, and at this time you read something, you need to take care of the child. Anytime and anywhere. Under any circumstances. You're a mother.

What is really there. Mothers spread rot on themselves because they devote a lot of time to gadgets. They don't think about the reasons for this. They just tell them from all sides that it is impossible and so bad. At the same time, without offering real help, without unloading it with the child. Not supporting. Not letting her rest. Not providing an opportunity to communicate with people in real life, and not online. Just adding the feeling of guilt on one more occasion to everything else.

By the way, I have another puzzle piece. I go to bed late, very late at night. This is not the first year I have done this. And I do this solely because a few hours after falling asleep my son is a hint of my personal time. Which I basically don't have.

I have no rest. I have no days off. I have no breaks.

Simply - #happiness of motherhood 24 hours a day. Seven days a week. Four and a half weeks a month. Twelve months a year. Three and a half years.

Naturally, you might think that I am some kind of abnormal and in general the quintessence of monstrosity. But no. There are many, many mothers like me.

Mothers do not run to the Internet from a good life.

Motherhood has no support. Absolutely no one warns that everything will be SO.

“I knew what I was doing, so shut up and be glad that you gave birth at all,” - mmm, no. I didn't know what I was doing. And I'm not going to be silent in a rag.

I had an interesting mini survey. Out of about 30 women, only one said that her grandmother from childhood really told her about how difficult it is to be a mother. How many difficulties. Only one woman in thirty.

Mothers are left alone with their problems. Someone is trying to understand what exactly they are doing wrong, someone is sincerely sure that they are furious with fat. The truth is that motherhood is a very difficult, hard, thankless job that is not appreciated by anyone at all. Mothers are not supported, they are not praised, they are rotten, and only poke at what they did not do well enough.

Someone hits the purchase and sale of slings, someone buys and sells strollers, someone bags. These are all attempts to regain control of your life. Finding an outlet.

There are so many baby devices out there that are actually designed for their mothers. So that they can simply prepare food, eat, go to the toilet and shower. But the kids don't give up and, despite the gigantic multimillion-dollar, if not multi-billion dollar market, they want to be with their mothers.

In our stupid society, some completely wild stereotypes are very strong. Starting from the fact that children are, as it were, not a male problem, but exclusively female care and headache, including the fact that women are created for children and motherhood, and therefore, from birth they know how to interact with children, ending with the fact that dads are sooo tired at work, and at home they need to rest.

The reality is that a negligible number of professions have so many difficulties, problems, such employment as motherhood. At the same time, work brings income and satisfaction. You can almost always quit and get a job elsewhere. It's not a shame to get tired of work and relieve stress in various ways. There is a lunch break at work. No one bothers to calmly go to the toilet. Drink tea, coffee with snacks. You can leave work early, take time off. There are paid sick leave. Vacation. You can take time off. You see the results. You can be proud of your professional success.

And what about motherhood? Yet they give birth and raise children. There is nothing complicated about it. You can't get tired of motherhood, it's joy and happiness. In the end, you yourself decided to give birth, and no one forced you. Your choice, pull the strap and don't whine. And most importantly - smile, because the child needs a happy mother. Reasoning that motherhood and children are true happiness. For these little arms and legs, everything can be forgiven. A toothless smile is enough to move mountains. Something is going wrong? Does not work? The answer is simple: you have to try harder.

Tired, angry, frustrated - shameful and shameful. Mom is not a living person, but some kind of ideal super-person from a spherical vacuum. Mothers are not given help and support. They only spread rot. Any reason can be found. People are diligent, they will find something to get to the bottom of. And it is impossible to react negatively to nit-picking, squeeze, radiate positive, otherwise you will scare the child with your hysteria.

In our stupid society, depression is a whim. Especially postpartum depression. In addition to depression, there are many equally excellent diagnoses. “Why should a mother be tired? Hot water! Diapers! Multicooker! Vacuum cleaners! Robot vacuum cleaners !! All conditions !!!"

And, as it were, behind the scenes, the fact remains that a great many mothers eat, in the best possible scenario, 1-2 times a day. Because they do not have time. What is overlooked is that taking a bath is a dream for many. Think about this sentence. Just taking a bath is a dream beyond reality. For many mothers. Shower - once every few days, in 1-2-3 minutes - this is reality.

The lack of help from the husband is also a reality. Various drop-dead presentations on a variety of topics - this is reality.

• You started something yourself.
• How can you be so fat?
• Why don't you want sex?
• Why didn't you cook anything to eat?
• Why is the house a mess?
• I worked, I am tired, I do not want and will not do anything.
• You've been at home all day, why haven't you done anything?
• Where are my clean socks?
• You've become kind of irritable and angry.
• Before, you were completely different.
• But N - he has time for everything, and even if she is clever and beautiful, not like you.
• Are you doing nothing and getting tired?
• Rest for you? Ahaha, where did you get tired? I’m tired, I’ll go to rest and have fun, but you don’t deserve it.
• I want sex and I don't want to hear anything.

Threats, physical violence, beatings, blackmail, abuse, sexual assault are reality.

The opinion on the topic of what she knew from whom she gave birth is still quite stable. And once she gave birth, then you can't whine. Samaduravinovat.

No one will ever be able to predict exactly how a husband will change after the birth of a child. Metamorphoses can begin during pregnancy. And they will not please many women. No one will ever be able to warn in advance exactly how a woman's life will change after the birth of a child.

Consider the fact that even if a miracle happens, and the husband is mega-adequate and involved in parenting, and he does not begin to tear the tower from power over a woman on maternity leave and with a child in her arms, then life will still not be a fairy tale.

Any action at any time will be interrupted: "Wow", "AAAAAA !!", "Mom! Maaaamaaa! Mom, Mom, Mom !!! Mom !!!!". At any time, and especially at the most inappropriate, it suddenly turns out that your child has a completely different vision of the situation. Other plans. For example, sleep. Or eat. Or pooping is, by the way, a hit. Or suffer loudly and yell on any topic. Or get sick.

Lack of confidence in your plans is crazy. And shatters the remnants of the nervous system.

Motherhood could be much more enjoyable. If only society was truly informed about how it all happens in reality. How unhappy the mothers are, what we lack, what specific problems we have, what help and support we need, and so on.

But nobody needs it. Nobody is going to do this. Even some feminists believe that these problems do not exist. Why should society recognize the problem, think about how to solve it, spend time, energy, money on it? If you can pretend that everything is fine and continue to promote the rise of demographics.

A great many women cannot receive medical care solely because there is no one to delegate their children to. And this is very scary. And pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood do not at all rejuvenate and do not heal.

The scary thing is how many mothers have suicidal thoughts.

The scary thing is that mothers catch themselves thinking that going out of the window with their child is not such a wild idea.

The scary thing is how many women go from ideas to action.

Such mothers are highly condemned. And almost no one thinks about the reasons. Why, in fact, think about it?

Women suffer and suffer from feelings of guilt, spending 24 hours a day with their children. Men - with a good Saami scenario, they play for an hour with well-fed, clean, dry children, and feel like the best fathers in the world.

Only women are worried about how to combine career and motherhood. What is the right schedule to pick up the child from kindergarten on time? In men, the head on this topic, in principle, does not hurt.

The society in every possible way condemns coming mothers. Mothers who are engaged in their work, their hobbies, who are loved by themselves in the end, and the upbringing and raising of a common child is entrusted to the father. Such mothers are reprimanded, reprimanded, and fathers who are raising children are ready to erect monuments and write laudatory odes. But no one thinks that in the overwhelming majority of heterosexual families it is men who live for their pleasure, and it is women who neglect their lives and always think about children.

The truth is that a lot of mothers dream about it. Live for your own pleasure. To work, relax, have fun, engage in sports, make old dreams come true, and mothers are quite willing to devote a few hours a week to their child and pay alimony! And in between, of course, miss the sweet baby and enjoy life.

If I spent one or two hours a day with my son, I would have a lot of energy, desire and strength to:

• for an hour to draw front loaders, bulldozers, trenchers, mining dump trucks for him;
• sculpt any garbage out of plasticine that he would break in a second;
• to be touched and rejoice at various tricks and pranks.

But in fact, I spend with him 24 hours a day. For 3 years and 6 months. 24 hours a day. 3 years and 6 months.

I have social isolation. I have various health problems. I have a material addiction.

And a son. To rejoice at which I simply do not have the strength.

I have no rest, I have no hint of rest. I have no personal time and no hint of personal time.

Holidays with mothers are another very beautiful topic. Communicating only with children and husband is not enough. Moreover, often the husband does not want to communicate with the desire, he is tired.

Some women are lucky. They are released (think about the wording!) Once a week, or once every few weeks for several hours. So that they can rest and unwind. And this is positioned as a great blessing. Lucky with my husband!

Now let's count. The woman is busy with the child 24 hours a day. She does not belong to herself, she has problems with meeting her basic (!) Needs. In the best case scenario, once a week, she is released for 2-3 hours. We multiply 24 hours by 7 days. That's 168 hours a week. Minus 2-3 hours of rest. Mom does 165-166 hours a week with her child and homework. And now, these 2 hours out of 168 - should she give her some unprecedented strength? Open a second wind, maybe? But these grains of "rest" are positioned as an unheard of favor. Many mothers themselves wonder how it is that they are kind of “let go of the house” (again, pay attention to the wording!), They rest, there is a change of scenery (as much as once a week, in the best case scenario!), But for some reason there is still not enough strength …

And again the child is an exclusively female prerogative and duty. She gave birth - not only stay at home, but also lay down your life. Everything. You are not a person, you have no interests and desires of your own. The child is above all. Always. The husband has the power to have mercy. Let the wife and mother of a common child out of the house.

Moreover, men never ask and do not ask permission how women do this, but they do not always confront a fact. Often it is already strongly after the fact that a very, very tired husband - after the mines, not otherwise - is going to relieve stress and rest. And the mother … What about the mother? She has a child. She has.

I go to Google, I read about the labor code. The norm per week is 40 hours. Teachers (special people whose job is to teach children) - 36 (!) Hours.

Mothers only have more than 4 times more. I have already written about money, satisfaction, sick leave, lunch breaks, weekends, vacations.

The husband gets very tired at work, unlike his wife. He is a breadwinner and breadwinner, and in general, a monument to him. With all this, a considerable number of mothers manage to work or earn extra money right from home. With a baby in her arms. Or to the detriment of your sleep. But this is also not taken seriously by anyone. Just think, sitting (!) At home, and the presence of a child at this time deliberately omitted from this whole story, and finally began to do at least something (!).

I am really scared by the scale of all this: #happiness of motherhood and #happiness of being a wife. I am extremely sad that there is nothing I can do about it. I can only write texts describing everyday reality. I can create comfortable and safe online spaces for women. And that's all.

I want to learn languages, attend various courses, I have a list of skills that I really want to improve. I want to play sports, different types, yes. I want to communicate with interesting women, attend events. I have a very large list of films and TV shows that I want to watch for a very long time. I have no less a list of music for several years that I want to listen to. I have a giant list of books that I want to read. I have many ambitious plans that I dream of realizing. But that’s not all now. And not in the next few years. That's right, because I have a child.

I really believe that I can do it all and that we all can. Otherwise, life has no meaning.

Instead of an epilogue. I wrote this text in several approaches for about three days. And finally, some moments from my son's life that can be qualified as “mimimi” began to emerge in my mind.