2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From the author: The algorithm of initial consultation with the help of IAC "Duet" is presented. The very same content of "family scenes" without comment.
A married couple in a state of conflict, married for 17 years, consulted for a consultation.
Scenes from family life: As it is.
The spouses were invited to present their vision of family and marital interaction with the help of cards from the MAK “Duet” deck.
The choice of a spouse is shown in photo 1.
Photo 1
Comments from a man.
- The first card is very similar to my situation. The man carries the whole family. I also try for my whole family: my wife, daughter, sister, I try to help her husband and their children. Reminds me of me. The second card is definitely me. Me and my wife. I'm spinning like a squirrel in a wheel. She looks behind it. But I spin, in her opinion, bad or not enough. The third card also reminds me of our life very much. Sometimes the wife has breakdowns, she screams, loves to throw things around the apartment. Then we clean it up together, she usually cries. The next (fourth card) is after the scandal, I'm trying to do something nice. Fifth card … it's hard to talk about it, but I so often feel like a lamb, and my wife is a wolf. This anger, it is frightening. This card (the sixth) is a continuation of the story, probably because of this, we are here. I feel that my wife literally eats me up. This card (seventh) … - well, actually, that's how we live. So we sleep. There is no intimacy. Not sincere, not at all. This not normal. Well, this (eighth) … - I'll be honest and say, well, my wife knows it. It so happened that I began to communicate with a woman, we work together. For the first time in my marriage, I looked away. It didn't go too far. I haven't changed, I was able to stop. But it upset me. I confessed to my wife, said that I do not want any other women, that I want a normal relationship with her. This hurt her very much. I understand my guilt.
The choice of a spouse in photo 2.
Photo 2
- I'll start with the first card. A woman supports a man. He would collapse without her. So it is with my husband. I keep it. The second … you know, my husband, he is like a disabled person. Something is always wrong with him. I need to follow him like a disabled person. Roll in this stroller. Well, this (third), he is always in the hole, you know, how many people know him, he is constantly in the hole, well, there was a very short period in his life when everything was fine, for the last seven years he has been in this hole, I hold out my hand to him, I drag him constantly. This (fourth) is my life, just now I do what I clean, this is how my whole life passes, in this house, in eternal affairs. This card (fifth), well, is very similar to how I communicate with my husband. You know, I tell him, I say, but he is like here - in some kind of concrete, you can't shout to him. I try to shout, but he just stares and doesn't even say anything. And this (sixth) - I tell him the same thing, but the impression that he flew into one ear and flew into the other.
Scenes from family life: How do you want?
The spouses were asked to present their desired scenes from the future with the help of cards.
The election of a man is shown in photo 3.
Photo 3
Spouse's comment (first card): “This is an idyll. Calm, good, understanding. It's good to have a rest after work like this. Here is what I want: love, tenderness (second card).
Election of the spouse in photo 4.
Photo 4
Spouse's comment: “I want him to finally be a man, next to whom you can feel like a woman. I think this picture fits."
Family Scenes: What Should We Do?
The spouses were asked to use cards to describe their vision of counseling with a psychologist and outline their understanding of what they should do and how the counselor can be useful.
Election of the man in photo 5.
Photo 5
Man's comment: “Very suitable card. The bridge is really destroyed. I think we need to build, everyone on their part should make an effort, put his own board. Restore … build a bridge … understanding, trust …"
Election of the spouse in photo 6.
Photo 6
Woman's comment: “Something is missing in him. Like here. Some parts. I think they need to be inserted. To avoid these holes. You see, he can't do much. He cannot tell his mother that the garden needs to be abandoned. No, he goes, plows there, instead of doing his normal business. You see, he is sorry for his mother, but mother, if she cannot drag the vegetable garden, then let him leave him. He cannot tell his boss to add his salary, and the boss perceives him as a slave, and this one is silent. He also has a sister, her husband is a drug addict, a lot of money is poured into him, he did not use for four years and started again, he has big health problems, and again this one goes and does everything there. He cannot take risks, he is not capable of anything. His friend, they used to do business together, you know, a real man, he can take risks. When their common business died, he was able to find a new profitable occupation, but this one did not, he went to work for his uncle. He needs to pull himself together, tighten up …
Scenes from family life: How do you hear?
The spouses were asked to adjust their expectations, intentions and actions if they wish, based on the ideas they have heard from each other about what they will have to do during the consultations and what they expect from them.
The choice of the man in photo 7.
Photo 7
- Yes, I heard that L. (wife's name) is waiting for me to change, so I changed the card to this one, here it is a little different from the previous one. Here the man is at the bottom, maybe even in the hole that L. spoke about, and the woman is at the top. I just think that the reason for all the conflicts is that she does not take into account reality to some extent, that is, she says that I cannot take risks; but the risk is associated with the possible loss of everything, I have to think about the family. I think, yes, I should go up the stairs, but L. come down a little from it to meet us. How to find a middle ground, or something.
The wife said that she saw no need to change anything. She is satisfied with her previous choice.
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