2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I saw my mother's question on Facebook about the fact that the child does not leave the grandmother, and the grandmother accuses the mother of jealousy. In short, women got confused.
I am a grandmother myself. For a little over three years now. And I love my granddaughter Eva very much, and I am ready to see her a hundred times a week. Violate disgrace, play hide and seek, build towers, drop Christmas trees and laugh the way only she can laugh. More often we see each other on Skype, and when I do not come to the children for a long time, I am bursting with the obsession that a girl can wean herself from me, forget, and treat me like a stranger. Therefore, the desire to fly in and fill with oneself all its space is understandable. BUT!
I understand that my number is second. Initially and always. Number one is mom and dad. Dot. This has nothing to do with love - I love her as much as my son, as his wife Anechka.
My number two is common sense if I want children to be happy.
My number two is a way to avoid silly competition for Eve's love.
My number two is the understanding that the girl did not come into this world so that I would correct the mistakes in raising my own child and make me happy.
My number two is accepting the approach of children in raising their own child, rather than imposing their "invaluable" experience.
Of course, grandmothers are the most experienced mothers. But they should not forget that this experience will not fall on their heads for young mothers and fathers. Ask - I will answer, show, teach. Are they going their own way? Excellent! I'll look, ask, learn. Life has changed a lot. I was taught to feed the child with semolina porridge, be sure to serve bread, for two years not to go anywhere with him and put him to bed, rocking. Eva travels with her parents and falls asleep, lying in a crib listening to Anya's quiet lullaby or her son reading a fairy tale.
To be number two does not mean withdrawal. This only means the degree of influence of the grandmother on the baby's life. I am always ready to be there, but without imposing my decisions regarding the upbringing of the girl, without overshadowing the importance of the parents and realizing that they remain the main educators.
In addition, I understand how IMPORTANT it is to agree on what rules I will not violate under any circumstances: how to feed the child, how to talk to him, how to dress, when to put him to bed, what to punish and reward. After all, mom and dad spend most of the time with the child. Therefore, you do not need to interfere with them. And every adult should consciously accept everything that you are discussing.
At the same time, I know that everyone needs to be consistent: if mom prohibits something, then grandmother should not slowly allow it. I always remember that children really appreciate my help. I also understand that she cannot harm: there should be peace and tranquility in the family, and normal relations between us all.
When I see how Eve runs to meet mom or dad and hangs on them, completely forgetting about me, I quietly rejoice. After all, their love, care, affection give her a sense of security, relieve her of irrational fears in the future, form adequate self-esteem and self-confidence, encourage creativity, program for success.
It happens that something goes wrong in the family: nervousness between grandmothers and parents, the child reacts inadequately to one of you, cries when one of you leaves … Sit down and talk. Discuss your approaches. Say what you like and what you will never accept. Agree on the rules of interaction. I am not discovering America. It's obvious. True, more often people are silent and move farther and farther away from each other.
By the way
It seems to me that being a real parent means
Know your child perfectly
✓ Communicate with your child without an intermediary - this includes everything that stands between you and the child: phone, computer, chewing gum …
✓ Have a taste for life - perceive all events only positively
✓ Smile at your child often
✓ Communicate with your baby in a civilized manner
✓ Be a super mom and super dad, super daughter and super son, super grandma and super grandpa.
Once, maybe 10-12 years ago, my son expressed the idea that he wants his unborn child to be raised by me.
- I like the way you raised me, I want him to grow up the same.
Most likely, he forgot about it. But I remember very well and distinctly, and I still feel the warmth of such trust. True, this idea remained unrealized: I am a grandmother, and my number is number two. And the opportunity to experience fatherhood and motherhood turned out to be much more exciting and tempting in the journey through the endless expanses of Life …
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