PSYCHOSOMATIC GAMES: SYMPTOM TRAP

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

PSYCHOSOMATIC GAMES

(SYMPTOM TRAP)

Dependent relationship -

fertile ground for

psychosomatic symptoms.

A symptom is a monument

at the grave of contact.

From the text

A LITTLE OF THEORY

A psychosomatic symptom is a symptom that is caused by psychological factors-causes, but manifests itself bodily (somatically) in the form of diseases of individual organs or systems.

A psychosomatic client is a person who predominantly uses his body as protection from psycho-traumatic factors.

Despite the fact that, based on the definition, psychosomatic symptoms have psychological causes, and, therefore, it is necessary and possible to get rid of them by psychological means, in our reality they are mainly dealt with by doctors.

I will not criticize the current state of affairs, I will only say that this fact is by no means something unnatural. Usually, when a person has developed some kind of psychosomatic illness, at this moment the corporality is sufficiently significantly affected so as not to be unnoticed by medical specialists. Not surprisingly, in this situation, they are engaged in the treatment of such diseases. Although, in my opinion, it is hardly original in this matter, for good results, the joint work of a doctor and a psychologist is necessary.

In this text, I will not limit myself to psychosomatic illnesses only. And I will consider under the psychosomatic symptom any somatic response that arose as a result of the influence of factors of a psychological plan.

WHY GAME?

I propose to consider the psychosomatic symptom as a component of the psychological game in which the body is unconsciously involved.

What is the role of the body in general and the psychosomatic symptom in particular in this play?

The bodily symptom in this game acts as a mediator between the I and the real other, or between the I and the alienated, unacceptable aspects of one's own I (not-I).

I call such games psychosomatic, in which the body surrenders, the self is sacrificed for some of its goals, and the person who “plays” such games is trapped in a symptom.

Why am I using the term "game"?

The fact is that this kind of interaction between the body and the I contains all the main structural components described by E. Bern in the characteristics of psychological games, namely:

• The presence of two levels of communication: explicit and hidden. In psychosomatic play, as in any other psychological game, there is an explicit (conscious) and hidden (unconscious) level of communication.
• The presence of a psychological gain. Through psychosomatic play, a number of needs can be satisfied: for rest, attention, care, love, avoidance of responsibility, etc.
• The automated nature of the interaction of all participants in the game. This interaction is stable and stereotyped.

Who are the participants in this game?

I will single out three subjects of the game:

1. I - the person himself, realizing himself as I.

2. Not me - another person or a rejected, unacceptable and often unconscious part of your I.

3. Body - more precisely, some organ acting as a problematic symptom.

When do we hide behind our body (our symptom) and resort to psychosomatic play?

Most often this happens when we do not have the courage to face the real other and ourselves, another or not-self. As a result, we avoid direct communication, we hide behind our body.

Some of the more common uses of the body for communication are:

• We are ashamed to refuse the Other. How many of you will not remember a situation in which you, while maintaining loyalty to other people, did not refer to any bodily illness or malaise in order to refuse them in this way? This method, it should be noted, does not always lead to a symptom. In the case when a person starts the process of experiencing guilt, conscience - “you need to do something with your tarnished image”? - symptom e occurs. A psychosomatic symptom arises just when it is difficult for a person to recognize, experience and accept the "bad" aspects of his Self. In this case, he has some kind of ailment "not for excuses," but for real.
• We are afraid to refuse another. The other is a real danger and the forces are really unequal. For example, in cases of parent-child relationships, when it is difficult for a child to oppose his desires to adults.

If we do not want something, but at the same time are afraid to declare it openly, then we can use our body - we “surrender” it in a psychosomatic game.

We "surrender" our body when:

• We want peace in the family: "If only everything was calm" - the position of the cat Leopold;
• We do not want (we are afraid) to say “No” to someone;
• We want (again, we are afraid) so that God forbid they don't think badly about us: “We must keep our face!”;
• We are afraid or ashamed to ask for something for ourselves, believing that others should guess for themselves;
• In general, we are afraid to change anything in our life …

I think you can easily continue this list.

In the end, we do nothing and wait, wait, wait … Hoping that something will happen to us miraculously. It happens, but it looks not wonderful, and sometimes deadly.

BODY INSTEAD OF ME

A good and simple solution for a person using the body to resolve conflicts is the intention to deal with their fantasized fears and try to establish direct communication with real others or with an unacceptable part of their I - myself to others.

As a rule, recovery occurs quickly enough after you manage to regain healthy aggression and learn how to manage it in contact with others and with yourself. In the language of gestalt therapy, this thesis looks like this: Realize and accept your retroflexed (withheld and turned towards) aggression and direct it to the object of your frustrated, unmet need.

Aggression in this regard is one of the few effective ways to defend your psychological boundaries, protect and preserve your psychosomatic space.

But the psychosomatically organized person acts differently. He is not looking for easy ways. He is too intelligent and educated to do this. He chooses body language for communication, in particular the language of symptoms, in every possible way avoiding the manifestation of aggression.

A symptom is always a withdrawal from contact. And if a neurotically organized person "transfers" this contact into his subjective space and actively lives his feelings and fantasies in the form of an internal dialogue with the offender, then a psychosomatically organized person acts out all this symbolically, connecting the body for this. The symptom is the memorial at the contact's grave.

“I will not meet directly with another, with my fears, I will not directly talk about my needs - I will send my body instead of myself” - this is the unconscious attitude of a person who uses his body to resolve a conflict.

"Tolerate, be silent and leave" - this is his slogan in problematic situations of interaction.

For such people, it is more important to preserve their fragile world, their dear ideal self-image, their illusory stability even at the cost of their physical health.

PSYCHOSOMATICS AND DEPENDENCE

An addicted relationship is fertile ground for the onset of psychosomatic symptoms.

What is the essence of an addicted relationship?

In the absence of differentiation of the I image and the weak boundaries of the I. The dependent person has a vague idea of his I, of his desires, needs. In relationships, he is more focused on the other. In a situation of choice between the I and the other, in which a conflict is possible, he “chooses” his own body as a victim. However, this choice is here without a real choice. It is an automated way of contacting a relationship-dependent person, contact, in which a symptom is "sent" to meet another.

Why such a sacrifice, you say?

In order to remain good in the eyes of others and in your own eyes.

However, there is not always such a need to sacrifice your body. An adult, even a dependent person, always has a choice. The best of which is, by far, psychotherapy.

With children, everything is much more complicated. The child has no choice, it is difficult for him to show his will, especially in a toxic aggressive environment. He is completely dependent on significant others.

The situation is no better in a situation where parents use guilt and shame as "educational tools" for their child. Naturally, all this is done "for his own good" and "out of love for him."

I will refer to a beautiful example from the movie "Bury Me Behind the Skirting Board."

A child in the family system shown in this film can only survive by being sick. Then the adult members of the system develop at least some human feelings for him - for example, sympathy. As soon as he begins to demonstrate his autonomous attitudes to adults, the system instantly reacts very aggressively. The only way for a child to survive in such a system is to abandon his Self and a whole bunch of serious somatic diseases.

The adult at least has a variant of psychotherapy, but the child is deprived of this. Since in a situation of a dependent system, even if a child is sent for therapy, it is only a family symptom with the parents' mindset "to get rid of the disease without changing anything in the family system."

Yes, and for an adult, it is often very difficult to break out of the dependent family system, and for some it is even impossible.

Here is an example of an adult, no less tragic manifestation of psychosomatics as a consequence of addictive relationships from his own therapeutic practice.

Client S., a woman of 40 years old, not married, by her age has a large bouquet of diseases. In recent years, this has become a serious hindrance to her work. Despite the legal nature of work absences (medical certificates), there was a real threat of not concluding a further contract - the number of days she spent on sick leave began to exceed working days. The last diagnosis that prompted S. to therapy was anorexia.

When I listened to the client, I was constantly haunted by the question: "How did it happen that this still young woman looks like a sick, haggard old woman?" "What kind of soil is this on which all kinds of ailments bloom so magnificently?" The study of her personal history did not allow her to catch on to anything serious: none of the events of her life looked traumatic: the only child in the family, mom, dad, kindergarten, school, institute, work in a good company. The only exception was the death of her father at the age of 50 10 years ago, to which it was difficult to write off everything.

The mystery was solved thanks to an unexpected event: I accidentally saw her walking with her mother. What I saw shocked me. I even initially began to doubt - is this my client? They walked down the street like two girlfriends - holding hands. I would even say that the client's mother looked younger - everything about her shone with energy and beauty! What could not be said about my client - unfashionable clothes, a hunched back, a dull look, even the choice of a silver-gray hair dye color - everything made her very old. An association clearly emerged in my head - Rapunzel and her witch mother, taking her youth, energy and beauty! Here she is the answer to all her illnesses and ill health - malignant co-dependent relationships!

As it turned out, this kind of relationship has always existed in the life of the client, but they worsened even more after the death of her father - all the power of maternal “love” fell on S. in a powerful stream. From the life of her daughter (I must say earlier, a very beautiful and slender girl - she showed her photos) gradually disappeared all the boyfriends, a few friends: my mother replaced everyone!

The result of numerous bodily ailments, as I already wrote, was anorexia. It is also certainly of interest. The fact is that this mental illness, typical in most cases of adolescent girls, symbolizes an unresolved unconscious conflict between daughter and mother in terms of separation.

Psychoanalysts, having studied the anamnesis of my client, would most likely say something like: "The daughter cannot eat and digest her mother, because she is too poisonous!" Despite different theoretical views, I think that most therapists would agree to define this kind of mother-daughter relationship as co-dependent.

WHAT TO DO? THERAPEUTIC REFLECTION

My experience of working with clients trapped in psychosomatic traps has been successful when in the course of therapy I was able to convince them of the authorship of their problems. Although in itself it is not easy.

Here is some scheme of work with this kind of people who have fallen into the trap of a symptom and have "chosen" for themselves a symptomatic way of contact with others:

• First, you need to understand the manipulative nature of your usual ways of behavior;
• Realize also those needs that are met in such a symptomatic way;
• Become aware of those feelings (fears, shame, guilt) or unconscious beliefs that trigger manipulative behavior;
• Live through these fears. Submit them. What happens if this happens?
• Try another method of contact. Initially, this can be done in a playful way, and then in reality.
• To master the possibility of dialogue between I and my symptom.

As a rule, the essence of working with a symptom is the ability to establish a dialogue between the self and the symptom, and in this dialogue to hear the symptom as one of the aspects of your alienated self and "negotiate" with it.

Here are some important questions for such a dialogue:

• What does your symptom want to tell you?
• What is the symptom silent about?
• What does he need?
• What is he missing?
• What does he warn against?
• How does he help you?
• What does he want to change in your life?
• Why does he want to change this?
• How will your life change when the symptom goes away?

It is necessary to agree with the symptom, be attentive to its message and make a promise to fulfill the condition under which the disease will go away.