Psychosomatic Games Or Don't Hide Behind Your Own Body

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Video: Psychosomatic Games Or Don't Hide Behind Your Own Body

Video: Psychosomatic Games Or Don't Hide Behind Your Own Body
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Psychosomatic Games Or Don't Hide Behind Your Own Body
Psychosomatic Games Or Don't Hide Behind Your Own Body
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Co-dependent relationships are fertile ground for psychosomatic symptoms.

From the text of the article

The symptom is the memorial at the contact's grave.

From the text of the article

A bit of theory

Realizing all the variety of functions of psychosomatic symptoms, in this article I propose to focus on only one of them - communicative. I want to present here a slightly different perspective - to look at the psychosomatic symptom as a violation of external (between I and the Other) and internal (between parts of the I) communication, in which the body is used as a mediator.

Several definitions:

A psychosomatic symptom is a symptom that is caused by psychological factors-causes, but manifests itself bodily (somatically) in the form of diseases of individual organs or systems.

A psychosomatic client is a person who predominantly uses his body as protection from psycho-traumatic factors.

Despite the fact that, based on the definition, psychosomatic symptoms have psychological causes, and, therefore, it is necessary and possible to get rid of them by psychological means, in our reality they are mainly dealt with by doctors. I will not criticize the current state of affairs, I will only say that this fact is by no means something unnatural. Usually, when a person has developed a psychosomatic illness, at this moment the soma is sufficiently significantly affected so as not to be unnoticed by medical specialists. Not surprisingly, in this situation, they are engaged in the treatment of such diseases. Although, in my opinion, it is hardly original in this matter, the joint work of a doctor and a psychologist is necessary for good results.

In my article, I will not be limited only to psychosomatic diseases. And I will consider under the psychosomatic symptom any somatic response that arose as a result of the influence of factors of a psychological plan.

Why a game?

I propose to consider the psychosomatic symptom as a component of the game in which the body is unconsciously involved.

The bodily symptom in this game acts as a mediator between the I and the real Other, or between the I and the alienated aspects of I (not-I).

These are psychosomatic games in which the body loses (surrenders, sacrifices) I for some purpose.

Why am I using the term "game"? All the main structural components described by E. Bern in the characteristics of psychological games are present here.

  • The hidden level of transactions. Here, as in any psychological game, there is an explicit (conscious) and hidden (unconscious) level of communication.
  • The presence of a psychological gain. In this way, a number of needs can be satisfied: for rest, attention, care, love, etc.
  • The automated nature of the interaction. It is persistent and stereotyped.

Who are the participants in this game?

I am not-I (Another person or a rejected part of I), the body. In a psychosomatic symptom, the Other is always present: whether significant, generalized, I am like the Other.

When do we hide behind our bodies and resort to psychosomatic play?

When we do not have the courage to face the Other and ourselves to the other.

As a result, we avoid direct communication and hide behind our body.

Some of the more common uses of the body for communication are:

  • We are ashamed to refuse the Other. How many of you will not remember a situation in which you, while maintaining loyalty to others, did not refer to any bodily illness or malaise in order to refuse them? This method, I must say, does not lead to a symptom, if it triggers a person's experience of guilt, conscience - “do you need to do something with your tarnished image”? A psychosomatic symptom arises precisely when it is difficult for a person to recognize and accept the "bad" aspects of his Self. He has some kind of ailment "not for an excuse," but for real.
  • We are afraid to refuse the Other. The other is a real danger and the forces are unequal. For example, in cases of parent-child relationships, when it is difficult for a child to oppose his desires to adults.

If we do not want something, but at the same time are afraid to declare it openly, then we can use our body - we “surrender” it in a psychosomatic game.

We "surrender" our body when:

  • We want peace in the family: "If only everything was calm" - the position of the cat Leopold;
  • We do not want (we are afraid) to say “No” to someone;
  • We want (again, we are afraid) so that God forbid they think badly of us: “We must keep our face!”;
  • We are afraid / ashamed to ask for something for ourselves, believing that others should guess for themselves;
  • In general, we are afraid to change anything in our life …

I think you can easily continue this list.

In the end, we do nothing and wait, wait, wait … Hoping that something will happen to us miraculously. It happens, but it looks not wonderful at all, and sometimes deadly.

Psychosomatic client

A good and simple solution for the psychosomatic client is to deal with their projective fears and try to establish direct communication.

As a rule, recovery occurs quickly enough after one manages to regain healthy aggression and learn to manage it in contact with Others and with oneself.. In the language of gestalt therapy, this thesis looks like this:) aggression and direct it to the object of your frustrated need.

Aggression in this regard is one of the few effective ways to defend your psychological boundaries, protect and preserve your psychosomatic space.

But the psychosomatic client does things differently. He is not looking for easy ways. He is too intelligent and educated for this. He chooses body language for communication, avoiding aggression in every possible way.

A symptom is always a withdrawal from contact. And if the neurotically organized client "transfers" this contact into his subjective space and his feelings (and not only them) actively live in the form of an internal dialogue with the offender, then the psychosomatically organized client plays everything symbolically, connecting the body. The symptom is the memorial at the contact's grave.

“I will not meet directly with the Other, with my fears, I will not directly talk about my needs - I will send my body instead of myself” - such is the unconscious attitude of the psychosomatic client.

"Tolerate, be silent and leave" - this is his slogan in problematic situations of interaction.

For such clients, it is more important to preserve their fragile world, their dear ideal self-image, their illusory stability.

Psychosomatics and co-addiction

A co-dependent relationship is a good breeding ground for psychosomatic symptoms.

What is the essence of a co-dependent relationship? In the absence of differentiation of the self-image and weak boundaries. A co-dependent person has a vague idea of his I, of his desires, needs. In relationships, he is more oriented towards the Other. In a situation of choice between the Self and the Other, he “chooses” his own body as a victim. However, this choice is here without a real choice. It is an automated way of contacting a relationship-dependent person.

Why such a sacrifice, you say? To be good in the eyes of the Other and in your own eyes.

However, there is not always such a need to sacrifice. An adult, even a dependent on the Other, always has a choice. The best of which is, by far, psychotherapy.

With children, everything is much more complicated. The child has no choice, it is difficult for him to show his will, especially in a toxic aggressive environment. He is completely dependent on significant others. The situation is no better in the situation of the use of guilt and shame by parental figures. Naturally, all this is done "for his own good" and "out of love for him."

I will refer to a beautiful example from the movie "Bury Me Behind the Skirting Board."

A child in the shown family system can only survive by being sick. Then the adult members of the system develop at least some human feelings for him - for example, sympathy. As soon as he begins to demonstrate his autonomous attitudes to adults, the system instantly reacts very aggressively. The only way for a child to survive in such a system is to abandon his Self and a whole bunch of serious somatic diseases.

The adult at least has a variant of psychotherapy, but the child is deprived of this. Since in a situation with a co-dependent system, the child is sent to therapy as a systemic symptom with the mindset “to get rid of the disease without changing anything in the family system”.

And for an adult, it is often very difficult to break out of a co-dependent family system, and for some it is even impossible.

Here is an example of an adult, no less tragic manifestation of psychosomatics as a consequence of co-dependent relationships from their own therapeutic practice.

Client S., a woman of 40 years old, not married, by her age has a large bouquet of diseases. In recent years, this has become a serious hindrance to her work. Despite the legal nature of work absences (medical certificates), there was a real threat of not concluding a further contract - the number of days she spent on sick leave began to exceed working days. The last diagnosis that prompted S. to therapy was anorexia. When I listened to the client, I was constantly haunted by the question: "How did it happen that this still young woman looks like a sick, haggard old woman?" "What kind of soil is this on which all kinds of ailments bloom so magnificently?" The study of her personal history did not allow her to catch on to anything serious: none of the events of her life looked traumatic: the only child in the family, mom, dad, kindergarten, school, institute, work in a good company. The only exception was the death of her father at the age of 50 10 years ago, to which it was difficult to write off everything. The mystery was solved thanks to an unexpected event: I accidentally saw her walking with her mother. What I saw shocked me. I even initially began to doubt - is this my client? They walked down the street like two girlfriends - holding hands. I would even say that the client's mother looked younger - everything about her shone with energy and beauty! What could not be said about my client - unfashionable clothes, a hunched back, a dull look, even the choice of a silver-gray hair dye color - everything made her very old. An association clearly arose in my head - Rapunzel and her mother-witch, taking her youth, energy and beauty! Here she is the clue to all her illnesses and poor health - malignant co-dependent relationships! As it turned out, this kind of relationship has always existed in the life of the client, but they worsened even more after the death of her father - all the power of maternal “love” fell on S. in a powerful stream. From the life of her daughter (I must say earlier, a very beautiful and slender girl - she showed her photos), all the boyfriends, a few friends gradually disappeared: my mother replaced everyone! The result of numerous bodily ailments, as I already wrote, was anorexia. It is also certainly of interest. The fact is that this mental illness, typical in most cases of adolescent girls, symbolizes an unresolved unconscious conflict between daughter and mother in terms of separation. Psychoanalysts, having studied the anamnesis of my client, would most likely say something like: "The daughter cannot eat and digest her mother, because she is too poisonous!" Despite the different theoretical views, I think that most therapists would agree with the definition of this kind of relationship between mother and daughter as codependent.

What to do?

My experience with psychosomatic clients has been successful when, during therapy, I was able to convince them of the authorship of their problems. Although in itself it is not easy.

Here is some scheme for working with a client presenting a psychosomatic symptom as a request:

  • First, you need to understand the manipulative nature of behavior patterns;
  • Realize those needs that are met in such a symptomatic way;
  • Become aware of those feelings (fears, shame, guilt), or introjects that trigger manipulative behavior;
  • Live through these fears. What happens if this happens?
  • Try another method of contact. To master the possibility of dialogue between the self and the symptom. Here, in my opinion, the most successful are the techniques of working with an empty chair, traditional for the gestalt approach.

As a rule, the essence of working with a symptom is the ability to establish a dialogue between the self and the symptom, and in this dialogue to hear the symptom as one of the aspects of your alienated self and "negotiate" with it.

  • What does the symptom want to tell you?
  • What is the symptom silent about?
  • What does he need?
  • What is he missing?
  • What does he warn against?
  • How does he help you?
  • What does he want to change in your life?
  • Why does he want to change this?

The client agrees with the symptom to be attentive to its message and makes a promise to fulfill the condition under which the disease will go away.

Author: Maleichuk Gennady Ivanovich

Psychologist, Gestalt Therapist, Online Consultant

Brest (Belarus), Minsk

For nonresidents, it is possible to consult and supervise via Skype.

Skype Login: Gennady.maleychuk

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