Live Your Feelings! (View Of The Systems Constellator)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Relatively recently, information has begun to actively flicker in space that it is undesirable to push away and suppress feelings and emotions, and it is very desirable to manifest, express and experience. This was a big surprise for those who are used to hearing (and telling themselves) something like “don't cry”, “stop getting angry”, “calm down”, “what if he will be offended?”. And finally, they began to talk about the fact that suppression of one's feelings is not heroism and not a norm of life, but a time bomb. Well, or a boomerang - as you please. And, of course, there are situations when right here and now to show your emotions is not the time or the place, which means that you definitely need to show them later and in full.

Why is it better to live your feelings and emotions than to push them into the background?

The first reason is obvious, and only the lazy one has not heard about it - psychosomatics. The point is that our emotions live in the body, and if we suppress them and forbid ourselves to show them, they will be deposited in muscle memory. And in this place tension arises, further - more, emotions are layered more and more, and a spasm appears, which means pain and the formation of a Disease. Actually, this is already widely known: many have read Louise Hay and Liz Burbo, or at least heard about their ideas. I can add what I have repeatedly seen in the practice of systemic constellations (The practice of arranging the symptoms of a Disease is aimed at finding and working out the underlying causes of the Disease. Each disease has a huge layering of unlived emotions and unresolved situations. For example, problems with the nasopharynx, sinusitis, and especially diseases throats are the consequences of "swallowed" words, unspoken claims and grievances.

What to do? Learn to speak out, communicate, negotiate - both health benefits and relationships. Are you offended by everyone and everything? Look for the roots in your relationship with your parents: are you still offended by them? One of the common causes of headaches and migraines is our attempts to understand, comprehend, realize something that is beyond our understanding, or when we are looking for some solution - and cannot find it. Almost always all Mental illnesses (insanity, and … … …) have a history of a Big conflict, where someone was the Aggressor, and someone was a Victim, and in the psyche of the patient, these two People of the past live and continue their conflict at the same time, this causes all diseases of the Soul.

I have repeatedly seen in constellations that the main cause of problems with the gastrointestinal tract is fear, and in the depths there may be fear for life (remember, earlier the word “belly” meant “life”: “not to the stomach, but to death”). Moreover, this fear may not have survived the person who suffers from problems with the gastrointestinal tract. Perhaps such a fear was experienced by one of his ancestors.

And then I smoothly approached the 2nd reason not to "crush" my emotions. If all psychologists talk about the first, then only systemic therapists talk about the second.

Unresolved systemic feelings. The family is a system that lives by its own laws. Like any system, it takes care of its balance. And one of the protective mechanisms of the family as a system works like this: when a lot of those feelings fall to the lot of one of the family members that he simply is not able to relive, then these negative emotions are simply thrown into the system, being distributed among other family members - or maybe and “fly” to someone alone. What does it look like? Imagine that in one family one of the ancestors experienced strong fear, but due to circumstances did not allow himself to show it - for example, he was a soldier who fought and went into battle with an impenetrable face, although inside, as they say, the veins were shaking with fear … So, he did not allow himself to feel fear - this feeling was repressed and "merged" into the system. Then either different family members will show fears and various phobias, or a person will be born in the system, whom this feeling of fear will simply haunt. Such repressed, hidden feelings are called systemic, and constellations work successfully with them: in the course of work, it is enough to open, see and relive that primary feeling that became the trigger, and sometimes “communicate” with the owner of this primary feeling. In our example - to bow to that great-grandfather, who drove his feeling of fear inward. And he, indeed, like any person, had the right to feel fear for his Life when Death was hovering around

As a systemic therapist, I work with the residents of Donbass (in fact, I live here) and already now I see how many feelings are suppressed and displaced by people in such difficult social circumstances. And even now I can assume that these feelings will go to our children and grandchildren, because this is the law of the system: difficult systemic feelings go to the younger ones in the system, those who come later - this is their payment for the life they received.

Based on this knowledge - advice: live your feelings, if you can, here and now, then when they arise. You cannot live now - work them out afterwards, in psychotherapy, in any practice. Love, be sad, rejoice, be disappointed - there are no "good" or "bad" feelings. All feelings are given to us for life, for an adequate reaction to what is happening to us, to the situation here and now. Everything that we have not expressed and lived in our life will be passed on to our children and our grandchildren. If you want happiness for your descendants, decide everything in your life: love, rejoice, be sad, miss … Because, as I remember, the Bible said that there is a time to complain and a time to dance, a time to embrace and a time to evade hugs, a time to love and a time to hate …

And we need a lot of courage to let all our feelings be.