2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One day, a graduate of the basic family constellation program, asked: "Since I correctly write on my resume, now who am I?" We spent several hours looking for the correct answer to such an understandable question. At first glance, everything seemed obvious, since the program for the "family" is completed, it means the family constellator. To which she heard the objections of her colleagues that she works a lot with the inner parts of the personality and often uses impersonal and macro figures in her work. The “system planner” also did not quite correspond to her type of activity. she was engaged in one-to-one counseling and therapy. So she is a systemic family therapist, or is she a constellator?
The dispute began to load and drag on. Someone insisted on the euphony of phrases, and some insisted that the content is more important than euphony. Although all unanimously came to the conclusion that the correct name of "our brother" is more reminiscent of a mechanic, than a therapist. And the slogans are the same: “We will find it. Let's eliminate. Let's fix it. It will be as good as new … ". They even offered her to make a choice arrangement in order to find the option that would be best for her.
This conversation got me really thinking. Until now, we do not quite understand what we are doing, and what we are doing, philosophy, method or just a tool? We do not have a clear terminology, not to mention the structure, algorithm, principles and other attributes inherent in "recognized" psychotherapeutic methods.
I remembered how I myself changed the name of my professional uniform more than once in business cards and advertisements.
In one job, I can use almost all types of constellation work known to me. We can start work with the help of associative cards, continue it in visualization, then place it in the field and surrender to the free movements of the soul, coming from the very depths of our perception, and as a result, the "dried up source" will turn into a grandmother with a difficult fate and we will complete all this action with a classic ordinal arrangement, exposing the whole genus and if we do not have enough substitute to use the picture opposite, with the image of a blooming field, as a life.
And what do you call it? I'm exaggerating, of course, but there is a lot of truth in this example. So what do we call what we do?
In my training groups, more and more practicing therapists of other directions appear who are not going to use the constellation in their work at all. They come for systemic knowledge, knowledge that the constellation base has accumulated, about interweaving, excluded, aborted … This helps them during the interview to reach the source of the client's problem. They work at the level of the mind, and this has its effect. Most often, this is a robot with known facts and events in the system. Ordinary awareness often unleashes the knot of long-standing problems.
I remember how our student called me from another city. He was happy that "It" was working. A woman came to him for consultation, complaining that her only son was in despair. In the course of the conversation, it turns out that for several years now a guy who is professionally involved in billiard sports has been striving with all his might to win, is among the prize-winners and never becomes a winner. From early childhood, he wanted to be "first" in everything. Now he is completely "broken", if earlier after the competition he was angry, cried, tried, to analyze something and learn from the lessons, insisted that next time everything would be different, then this time he simply said: "Everything is as usual, I a complete loser, I have no chance … ", - closed the doors of his bedroom, he refused to eat and communicate. “I have only one son, I can’t bear it if something happens to me,” the bewildered woman repeated.
Knowing the systemic laws of the family, the therapist asked one single question: “Was there a child before him? Who was the first? " - The woman began to cry softly? It turned out that there was a baby who died during a premature birth. Doctors did not give the child's body: "Not allowed!" - they explained to the young mother. The parents did not give the name of the deceased baby; accordingly, he also does not have a grave.
The therapist suggested telling the client's son about this and giving this child a place in their hearts. A classic, any planter will say. But there was no constellation, or rather, it was in the soul of the client and the constellator himself. But outwardly it was just a normal conversation. And the results are colossal, as the woman herself later called them. The burden of many years finally fell from this family, harmony and order were able to settle in this house again.
So who are we? Consolidators, therapists, systemic consultants? After meditating on this question, I found an answer inside myself that suited me. And after some time, I learned that the PPL modality was called almost the same way. I began to call myself a system-phenomenological therapist, constellation. Therapist since I have relevant qualifications in other psychotherapeutic areas.
For me, systemic phenomenology has become a part of life, not counseling, but placement as a tool that I can use, but I can not, then presentation and acceptance take its place. Outwardly, it resembles an ordinary conversation, but the depth of our immersion is felt by both me and the client.
As soon as I named myself, I felt support, calmness, confidence … It is difficult for me to describe all this range of feelings and sensations, it is rather an experience and a state, but it was after this that my research and searches became completely different, as if the name gave belonging and strength.
I began to feel near myself, something like an egregor, which helps me or, on the contrary, does not allow something to open, then I stop and listen, and when the connection is restored, everything starts to move again.
Recently, I have acquired a lot of insights, realizations and observations that partially or do not fit into the constellation paradigms known to me. I hope that I can share some of them with you soon.
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